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Post by Suji on Sept 4, 2010 2:31:05 GMT -5
Suji walked quickly down the hallways of the Blade Ship. She'd been hiding in the room she and Aubrey were temporarily sharing for the better part of the day. After meeting with Alain, it had seemed like the only thing she could do. She didn't regret her time spent in the human camp, but he was living proof that she'd been there, and he was here, apparently all set to become an Animorph. Part of her wanted to believe that it was only her own ego convincing her that she'd played a part in that decision, but deep down, she was afraid that he really had followed her back into this war.
Now, she'd made a food run. It was late, but there'd been carefully wrapped and fridged leftovers for those who ran on different schedules. Now she was hustling back to her room, taking quite a few parcels of food with her. When she got to her room, she knocked a couple times to give Aubrey a heads up, and then slipped inside.
Aubrey was sitting on her bed, looking quizzically down at a magazine that had been printed for teenage girls a few months before the war began. She looked equal parts bemused, skeptical, and nostalgic; her blue eyes moved up to Suji when she came in.
"I um, I got us some food." Partially because I didn't want to eat it in the Mess Hall where people could find me and partially to make up for stowing away in here all day, Suji thought to herself. Suji gestured down to the pack at her side: there were a couple tupperware containers and some juice (from concentrate, unfortunately). "Hungry?"
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Post by Aubrey on Sept 5, 2010 5:00:23 GMT -5
Back at the Academy. After the mission in New York that hadn't gone over too well, Cassie had grabbed the two Animorphs and brought them out into the middle of icy nowhere. Aubrey couldn't say she was particularly happy to be back in the Blade Ship--the place made her claustrophobic on most days. But she was here, for whatever that was worth. If anything, it was odd to witness the Academy actually working and in the process of spewing out a whole other generation of Animorphs.
Once Suji had slipped out of the room, Aubrey--not about to get much sleep--had decided to distract herself with a newfound treasure from the library. She barely blinked at the knock on the door, sitting cross legged on her bed, absorbed in what she was looking at. Resting in her lap was one of those teen magazines, its front cover splashed with gossip and make-up tips, pictures of ordinary girls and teen boy heart throbs. There were articles about everyday problems like having best friend trouble or breaking up with your boyfriend. It was a bite of normality that Aubrey hadn't had a taste of in what felt like a lifetime.
The door to the room swished open, and she glanced up at Suji entering. Aubrey smiled widely at her old faction mate, then glanced down at the magazine. "My horoscope is telling me to 'focus on getting my studies together to prevent anymore procrastination. Friends and parties can wait.' Not a very helpful one." She closed the magazine and set it on the bedside table. Her eyes brightened at the thought of food. "Starved. I was thinking about making a run earlier, but got distracted. What do you have?"
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Post by Suji on Sept 6, 2010 0:11:59 GMT -5
Suji smiled at the mention of horoscopes. She'd never had any interest in them, even in a passing sense (it sounded too much like superstition), but now it brought her at least some amusement. "That's unfortunate, seeing as I was thinking maybe we've have a small party for ourselves." She crossed the rest of the room, and began unloading her treasures on one of the room's desks.
"Some kind of sandwiches, some cucumber salad, apple juice, and most importantly..." Suji held up the last items separately. "Cookies. And not even fucking oatmeal, either-" She looked briefly guilty for cursing about it, but man. Aside from all the heavy stuff the war dumped on you, it really made you hate eating oatmeal anything. "Chocolate chip, and I can't figure out what these are. They were in a tupperware named 'Jullian's Surprise Sweets', whatever that means." She laid the cookies down last in the row of food.
"I also got this..." Suji looked over at Aubrey slyly, and held up an unlabeled plastic bottle filled with a golden liquid. "I think it's tequila."
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Post by Aubrey on Sept 6, 2010 19:11:49 GMT -5
"I don't think I'd listen to that horoscope anyhow," Aubrey said, making a face. "I'm not sure I could find any teens at my old school that would willingly stop procrastinating to do some studies." As Suji listed off the various foods she had brought, Aubrey untangled herself from her blankets and slid her legs over the edge of the bed. A big smile crossed her face at the sight of the cookies. "Awesome! Total score, I love chocolate chip." The other item caused her to smile lightly. Jullian had been an old faction mate from Los Angeles, though the two of them had never been very close. "He would make something called that. Guess we'll figure it out."
The floor of the room was cold on her bare feet as she stood up and headed over to the desk. When Suji lifted up the plastic bottle, Aubrey grinned. "Perfect. I've been wondering if they had any alcohol around here." From what Aubrey could tell, the Mess Hall had a surprising variety of food in it--somewhat odd considering the Blade Ship was parked in the middle of Antarctica. She figured it was probably due to the steady influx of people in and out of the place.
Aubrey grabbed one of the sandwiches off the desk, a couple cookies, and then eyed the tequila bottle. "I haven't had tequila before. Do we mix it with something or drink it straight?"
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Post by Suji on Sept 6, 2010 19:29:22 GMT -5
Suji raised an eyebrow. "You know the guy? Maybe you can decide if they're safe enough to eat, then." She wasn't really serious, and she was sure they were edible. But they did have a curious name.
When Aubrey grinned at the tequila, Suji laughed. She had been torn about whether or not to take it with her. They'd never drank together, and the last time Suji had really knocked a few back with her fellow Animorphs had been in Mexico and Vegas. Neither had ended particularly prettily, though she imagined this was a more controlled situation. "I think we can drink it straight depending on how brave we are." She'd have preferred soda for mixers, but finding a soda outside of Yeerk-occupied cities was next to impossible. "I can go back and hunt for some orange juice though, if we decide its necessary. Food first though."
Suji smiled, and poured them both some apple juice. Afterwards, she took one of the sandwiches as well, and went to plop down on her bed. "So, have you been stalked yet? Apparently we're all a big deal."
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Post by Aubrey on Sept 6, 2010 22:04:13 GMT -5
"Yep, he's an old friend from Los Angeles. We were in the same faction for awhile, under Matt." Aubrey wasn't sure whether Suji would recognize the name, but she knew that he was well-known among many of the other Animorphs as one of the heavy-hitters. The last time she'd seen him was when Cassie had handed her the logistics folder for the Sydney faction. He had looked very proud of her then. She wondered if he knew that she had chickened out and never actually followed through on it.
"Hmmm," Aubrey used her free hand--balancing the sandwich and cookies in one arm--to open the top of the tupperware container slightly and peek in, then jokingly raised her eyebrows. "We should be in the clear. And thanks," Aubrey put one of the cookies between her teeth, grabbed the apple juice Suji had poured, and settled down on the desk's chair. After taking a bite, she sighed. The cookie was a tiny bit stale, but it was better than no cookie at all. And it was good.
Aubrey leaned her shoulder on the back of the chair, then laughed gently. "Well. Yeah, only a little bit. One of the mechanics was trying to chat me up the other night. He was staring at me a lot when I first got here, in the Mess Hall, and then when he spoke to me he kept trying to bring up Dallas without being too obvious about it. I got a little bit of that back in New York when I first stayed there too, but the novelty for them wore off after awhile." Besides that, Aubrey hadn't been ready to spill all about Dallas to random people. She wasn't sure she would ever be able to. "What about you? Any stalkers?"
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Post by Suji on Sept 6, 2010 22:34:50 GMT -5
Suji nodded when she heard Matt's name. She never knew the guy personally, but he'd been one of the long-term faction leaders. "No problem. I figured if I was going to hide out in here, I could at least make it up to you."
Her brow furrowed when Aubrey mentioned a mechanic that kept bringing up Dallas. It was one thing to be fawning all over the Heroes of the West, which they all apparently were, but it was another to be that tasteless about it. Suji made a note to ask Aubrey to point him out if she spotted him again. She had no problem setting some nosy guy straight, especially if it was for Aubrey's benefit. Suji took a few experimental bites of her sandwich, and found it better than she expected.
"Nothing like that," Suji said, waving her hand a little. There had been more than a few stares and whispers that followed her, and the way Alain had reacted had suggested that gossip about all of them ran pretty quickly through the ship. "I don't think I'm approachable enough." Suji feigned a sigh before smiling back at Aubrey.
After a moment, however, her expression turned a little more serious. "I did run into someone though. Someone from the free human camp Cassie sent me to. It was pretty jarring. It's... why I've been in here all day." Suji smiled wanly, and ate more of her sandwich. She tried not to look forward to the alcohol as much as she was, after the day she'd had.
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Post by Aubrey on Sept 7, 2010 1:00:18 GMT -5
Aubrey gave Suji an amused look, taking a sip of her apple juice. "Oh, well, you probably have some secret admirers watching you from the bushes, or something, even if they're too scared to actually come up to you. You know, people into that whole 'mysterious girl' thing," Aubrey said, her tone facetious, using one hand to do air quotes. With the other, she took a bite of her sandwich, chewing. She hadn't looked when she'd grabbed the sandwich, and had apparently picked up some meat combo sandwich with ham and turkey. It wasn't too bad, but it wasn't too good.
"But yeah. Kind of a weird feeling, to have people acting that way around us. I mean, I don't know. I keep hearing the word 'hero' being tossed around, and everyone seems to be gawking at us." Aubrey paused, breaking her second cookie in half. "Maybe it's just because some of them are new Animorphs. Or just, people who've been out here awhile. I duno."
She glanced up at Suji, then, sensing the shift in tone. "Yeah? Was it a close friend or something?"
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Post by Suji on Sept 7, 2010 1:20:00 GMT -5
Mysterious girl thing? Suji paled. She was a mysterious girl? Suji was a type? She knew Aubrey was joking, but part of her felt a little ill. It was hard for her to imagine what most people saw her as. Which, yeah, probably lead to the mysterious thing. Crap.
Suji nodded cautiously when Aubrey asked if it'd been a close friend. Yes, that was a way to describe it. They'd been close, even they hadn't known each other terribly long. "His name is Alain. You'll probably see him eventually. He's a tall guy, brown hair or whatever." Keeping her voice as neutral as possible, Suji continued to munch away on the lackluster sandwich.
"He's a recruit now, apparently. I wasn't really happy to find it out, but I understand why he did it." Sipping at what seemed like incredibly sweet apple juice, she knew that Aubrey deserved maybe more of an explanation. After all, nothing she described was really cause for hiding all day, especially not for someone like Suji. Opening up a bit more, Suji frowned into her lap. "We were pretty close. I was afraid he'd followed me into the war. I still kind of am."
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Post by Aubrey on Sept 10, 2010 22:07:32 GMT -5
Aubrey listened quietly and chewed on her cookie. Since arriving at the Academy, she hadn't spent much time wandering around the hallways. They hadn't been here for very long, and Aubrey didn't anticipate that they'd be staying very much longer. At least, she really hoped not. The place was claustrophobic, and being here dredged up her old anxiety about not going to Sydney. Even if it wasn't true, she felt judged by the people here who knew about it--and the best way to avoid that was to stay away from them. So most of the new recruits here were completely unknown to her. "Yeah, I don't think I've seen him yet."
Aubrey shifted on the chair, finished with her cookies. Her sandwich sat half-eaten on the desk. A light frown found its way onto her face. "Ahh, well," She paused, thinking. "I think that's understandable for you to feel that way. I mean, I wouldn't wish this job--being an Animorph, and all--on anyone. Especially someone I cared about or was close to." Aubrey glanced up at Suji, wrapping her hands around the apple juice cup, hesitant.
"This might not be exactly the same as your situation, or whatever, but I ran across my best friend when I was back in Los Angeles. It was a complete shock at the time, I was so happy to see her." A faint smile found its way onto her lips at the old memory. The Los Angeles Animorphs had been wandering around the Union when Aubrey had literally bumped into Sophie. "After seeing me and another Animorph in action, she asked Matt to join. Everything was new to me, including the war, and so I just felt excited when she wanted to become an Animorph. A little bit of uneasiness, but mostly happiness at having my best friend be around me." Of course, things had gone the way they had gone after that; Sophie was doomed to forever be a nothlit snake. It wasn't something Aubrey allowed herself to dwell too long on anymore.
"Afterward, I spent a lot of time blaming myself and feeling regret because I hadn't spoken up then. But," Aubrey shook her head. "I realized something, eventually. Maybe some of what had happened with her was my fault, but ultimately it had been her choice. She had had her own reasons to join, and nothing I ever could have said or done would have changed that." She let her gaze rest on the feast spread out on the desk. "Instead of worrying, I wish I had just enjoyed my time with her more." Aubrey idly picked at her sandwich on the desk. "I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I kind of know the feeling, I think."
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Post by Suji on Sept 12, 2010 0:14:58 GMT -5
Suji listened quietly. She knew what had happened to Sophie, and knew enough of the background there to know who Aubrey was referring to early on in the story. It was the first time she'd really heard Aubrey talk about it though. Suji didn't know what Sophie was doing now, though she was sure Cassie would have given her a position doing something important behind the scenes. Fortunately there weren't many nothlits in the war. Yet, she added to that thought. Perhaps it was because the factions had been built around survival for so long, and missions were focused on things like gathering food, not deep undercover sabotage.
"Maybe some of what had happened with her was my fault, but ultimately it had been her choice." Suji stared into her apple juice, but let the words have an effect on her. It was a wise way to look at it -- healthier than blaming yourself completely, but without false assurances that oh none of it is your fault. In a way she'd already accepted what Alain had done; now it was less of a crippling fear and anger, would instead become other slow terror to creep up on her in the moments before falling asleep.
Though she knew she couldn't, Suji wanted to tell Aubrey about how she'd told Alain she knew about his past, and about his reaction. She felt so alone, and it wasn't even her secret. Long ago she'd made it a point never to outright whine about the unfairness of anything in this war, but the urge to do it now was strong. She knew Aubrey would understand, and even if she didn't, she would try to. And that was more than Alain had done. "It ended really badly." She settled on that: it was the truth and it was vague. "Really badly," she repeated.
Before she'd so much as finished her sandwich, Suji stood and walked back over the desk where all the food had been laid out. She went straight for the tequila, and picked up the apple juice as an afterthought. She refilled both her cup and Aubrey's, before sitting back on the bed with the tequila bottle. Alcohol was going to be a welcome distraction.
"It just sucks," Suji said with some finality. It was as close as she'd come to complaining, and she tried to let it end there, even though she still felt emotionally shredded. "You know," she finally said, forcing herself to smile. "We're never going to have boyfriends who aren't Animorphs. If we ever have boyfriends at all. I'm not sure what's worse." Suji smirked, and uncapped the tequila. She took a pretty large gulp -- face contorting bitterly -- before passing it to Aubrey.
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Post by Aubrey on Sept 18, 2010 1:20:03 GMT -5
Surprisingly enough, talking about Sophie out loud, for Aubrey, had lifted an unexpected weight from her shoulders. Ever since Sophie had become a snake nothlit, Aubrey hadn't let herself talk about it to other people. The times that she had avoided Sophie in Dallas, she had also pretended that the problem--and Sophie--didn't exist. At the time she figured that if she ignored it, she didn't have to deal with it. It wasn't until Dallas had actually happened that she had spoken again to Sophie, and had been forced to confront the problem head on. It was only then, after much reassuring from Sophie, that Aubrey had come to the realization that not everything that had happened to Sophie was completely her fault--including the fact that Sophie had joined the Animorphs. It didn't mean that the guilt about what had happened ceased to plague her--only that she had found some sort of closure on it.
"I'm sorry it turned out that way," Aubrey replied to Suji, wishing she could say something that would help more. Suji hadn't offered more information on what had happened, and so she didn't push for more. From the expression on her fellow Animorph's face, however, she could tell that the subject was a tender spot.
By this time, the apple juice nestled within her hands had grown lukewarm. Ignoring that fact, she downed the rest of it, then held it out to be refilled. A sympathetic smile crossed her face at Suji's comment. "I know what's worse than an Animorph. I had a crush on some guy back in Los Angeles, he was an Animorph--" Aubrey took a swig of the tequila, and made a face as the liquid burned a fiery path down her throat. It took her a few moments before she could continue speaking. "--and, and, he was dating a yeerk." Then she waved her hand. "I mean, not a yeerk exactly, but he was dating a Yeerk Peace Movement girl. She had a YPM yeerk in her head while they were dating. It was really, really weird. At least to me." Everyone else in the faction had been cheering Matt on to date Tess, as if it was normal. Aubrey passed Suji the tequila bottle. "Think about that. Every time the two of them kissed, some yeerk was there watching. Yuck."
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Post by Suji on Sept 18, 2010 17:52:33 GMT -5
Suji's eyebrows arched when Aubrey mentioned having a crush. A slow smile had started on her face, and she'd been prepared to gently rib her friend. Then it was explained that he'd been interested in a YPM Controller. The smile turned rueful as she listened, and she took another drink of the tequila that Aubrey passed her. This one still burned, but less than the last.
"At least he was into the human," she said darkly. "I used to have this friend who seemed like the only person I could count on to really fight this war. Then she ran away with a Yeerk. Not Peace Movement, not even the human host. The Yeerk. Someone who'd fucked that faction over a couple of times." It felt like she shouldn't be saying this, but what did it matter? Luce was gone. She'd decided that true love was worth more than the human race or whatever. Suji hoped she was happy, but in the end, Luce was selfish.
"You probably remember. The woman we brought back to the base that one time in Vegas. I think it was right before you left for New York."
Suji sat quietly for a moment, mulling over her apple juice. "But yeah, it could be worse I suppose. Maybe they do it because they feel like it's easier to get close to the enemy that it is to get close to another Animorph. Always being terrified that you'll have to watch them die, that the war will fuck them up, that you won't be there..." Suji's voice trailed off, and she looked back over at Aubrey guiltily. Without another word, she handed the tequila back.
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Post by Aubrey on Sept 25, 2010 3:15:16 GMT -5
"A Yeerk? An Empire Yeerk?" By this time, Aubrey's cheeks had paled slightly. A small nod from her acknowledged that, yes, she did remember that. The event hadn't held much importance to her at the time--there had been tidbits here and there mentioned that the Yeerk had been causing the Vegas faction some trouble--but that was it. Now Aubrey was trying to recall the fuzzy image of the host's features, trying to put a face to the story.
"That's, uh, interesting. I can get liking a host, I mean, they're human, but a Yeerk? How do you like a slug?" Running away together must have meant the Yeerk had reciprocated. But that didn't quite make sense. When had Aubrey ever heard of that? Then another thought occurred to her, "Did she run away with the poor host still trapped?" A troubled look had crossed her face. It was becoming obvious that Aubrey was having a hard time grasping that something like that could occur. In her world, there were pretty distinct lines drawn in the sand: Yeerks on one side, humans on the other. This did not fit into that neat and tidy portrait.
Aubrey held the tequila between the palms of her hands, her fingers tapping against the outside of the bottle. "Yeah, it is definitely hard." While he was out of the picture by now, Aubrey still had some lingering feelings for Matt. There had always been a question in her mind of what could have been, if at all. Some nights she wondered where he was, if he was still alive.
Her tone quieted. "Or that you'll get some message saying that they died on some opposite corner of the world. I keep wondering, every time I get called by Cassie. It's just terrible--the anticipation, the expectation of that, it can drive you insane." Aubrey took a gulp of the tequila, her nose scrunching up. The thought of Matt--or really, anyone that she cared for--dying was hanging heavy on her mind. "Well. Maybe the solution is to just date free people. Not the ones who fight, but the ones who hide." A small smile curled on her lip. "Or not date at all. That sounds pretty safe, huh?"
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Post by Suji on Sept 30, 2010 0:04:14 GMT -5
As Suji watched Aubrey work through the Luce-Sedra issue, it opened up feelings that she'd done her best to suppress. When they'd rescued Sedra, Suji had been teetering on the edge of self-destruction. Her emotional stores had been utterly depleted by Dallas and weighing her own moral choices. Then, at the freedom camp, healing had been a process of refusing to deal with it all at once. And, admittedly, if Luce was presumably safe and happy, Suji couldn't spare the energy to think much deeper about it.
"I don't know. I doubt it," Suji finally replied. But she couldn't say for sure, and that was more than a little disturbing. Luce wouldn't. But then again, once upon a time, Suji would have said the same for letting a Controller like Sedra live. And then again for falling in love with a Yeerk. When it came down to it, Suji had to come to terms with the fact that she didn't know Luce all that well. Their fast friendship had developed almost solely because they'd recognized something different in each other. Some strange readiness to be turned into a warrior.
One of these days, Suji was going to have to think about what it meant that Luce had left. Above all else, that was least forgivable. That she had left, for good. That she'd permanently chosen herself, her own desires, over the war -- and everything that meant. Part of the reason she did her best not to think about it was out of respect for a friend she didn't think she'd ever see again.
Happy to be taken away from that thought, Suji barked a laugh at Aubrey's suggestion of 'not dating at all.' "Oh, of course. That's been my strategy. Working fantastically, too." Suji smiled, self-deprecatingly.
(( - - - - - TIME SKIP FOR DRUNKENNESS - - - - - ))
"Soo then," Suji leaned back against the wall. They were both on the same bed down, and were sharing cookies out of a tupperware container. The tequila was still around, but they'd definitely put a dent in the supply. "What was Matt like?"
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