Trying to Get You Alone: Junayd Chronicles 2

[Alain]

Alain hoped Junayd would say yes but he seemed content to hang out as long as they were going to, which was only to be expected really. The three of them were becoming a group. He'd been in the teacher's lounge eating lunch the other day and the mathematics teacher had asked him where Junayd and Suji were, as if he knew their movements every hour of every day. Maybe in the age of cell phones but they were now back in the age of small notes if you were lucky.

Another Song began to play and Alain didn't recognize it so he figured it was either an original or something from the singer's personal past. It was smooth and slow and Alain just leaned over his knees and let his head sway with the music as a few people reclaimed their places on the dance floor though it was more couples now than groups.

Alain watched them and wondered when the next time they would have live music would be. "Do you want to dance?" he asked, turning to Suji. "Now that you've been warned about what type of dancer I am."

[Suji]

Suji turned her head towards him, one eye opening. She smiled slowly. Beside her, Junayd didn't seem to have much of a position either way. He was drifting somewhere else, already halfway snoozing. If he woke up and they weren't there he probably wouldn't be too happy, but she doubted much would be getting through to him any time soon. And in the end, she couldn't use Junayd as an excuse for everything.

"Noted," Suji smiled. She stood up and they walked over to where the tables and benches had been pushed aside. There were more than a few familiar faces, and she noticed that a couple of the older students were hanging out too. They whispered behind their hands when they saw Suji and Alain come onto the dance floor, especially without Junayd in tow as comic relief.

It was a little awkward to start with, but that was expected and the drinks floating in her system helped. His height was a little bit of a problem, but eventually they found a comfortable enough position that might still be considered a friendly distance. At least, that's what Suji told herself. She wasn't really so sure about that, and wasn't so sure she particularly cared. By the end of the song she found herself leaning more into him, her temple against his chest.

When the song finished there was an uncharacteristic pause in the music, and a bit of a rush on the pavilion as instruments were changed out. Before the closeness, no longer justified by music, could become too difficult to ignore, the next song came on. It trilled a bit, similarly slow, but with more electric sounds that seemed ethereal and unreal in the middle of a jungle base camp.

[Alain]

Alain hadn't noticed that Junayd had started to doze off but he was grateful since it meant he could avoid any potentially volatile situations, at least for the moment. He smiled when Suji agreed to dance and got up and followed her back on to the dance floor.

The dance area was starting to empty out as a few people decided to call it a night and a many others decided they were too drunk to dance. There were a few die-hards on the floor that were swaying to the music apparently not convinced that alcohol had affected their quality of motion at all.

He tried to relax and the alcohol helped with that but a lot of it was just being somewhere normal and doing something so ordinary, something his species had been doing for thousands of years. There were no yeerk influences here, nothing to remind him that there was a war going on somewhere else. This could have been any little South American town that, because of the high population of ex-Americans, had adopted more northern music tastes. The balmy atmosphere, the good music and the fact that he was here with someone he found attractive all combined to make this the oldest story ever told. For once he wasn't living in his head, living in the past and going over in excruciating detail every little thing he'd done wrong, every place where he could have made a different choice. He was just here, now, and that feeling of being grounded in the present was so unusual for him that it was precious and he treated it as a gift.

"I'm glad I came," he said just loudly enough to be heard over the music.

[Suji]

Suji laughed, the sound partially muffled by his chest. "Yeah, me too, you jerk. I thought you were going to ditch me completely." It was the first time she'd directly admitted that he was the real object of her interest, not some combination of him and Junayd. Which he probably already knew, and (she hoped) more or less agreed with.

After a moment's thought, Suji tilted her head back, looking up at him. "What's your last name? I just realized I didn't know." His students seemed to call him Mr. A -- and Junayd had followed suit and had his students start calling him Mr. J. She followed the more standard format of Ms. Clark. She wondered if his last name was really hard to pronounce or something.

[Alain]

"Byrne," Alain answered in a relaxed voice as they continued to dance though it was a bit slower than before, neither putting that much effort into staying with the music. "B-Y-R-N-E," he spelled since it sounded like 'burn.' If he were a bit more superstitious he may have found meaning in that but it was just a name, like so many others.

"How old are you? That's something I don't know," he asked, realizing this would be a really bad time to find out that she was seventeen or something else formerly illegal. He wasn't sure how he'd react to that if it turned out to be the truth.

[Suji]

Suji snickered quietly when Alain asked how old she was. It'd been years since anyone had seriously asked her that. It was drilled into your head with each form you had to fill out, every birthday, every visit from extended family. It took her longer than it should have to respond. She hadn't celebrated a birhday since the beginning of the war, or even heard of anyone celerating theirs.

"I'm twenty-one." She laughed again, narrowing her eyes at him. "Why, how old are you?" Once upon a time age might have been a bigger deal to her. Now, though, she knew 16 year olds that'd been through more than people twice their age. Not that she thought he was younger than her. "Don't worry, I'm old enough to get drunk under the letter of the law." Even if t was a law of a country they weren't in.

[Alain]

"Oh good," he said in a semi serious voice. "Because we wouldn't want to set a bad example for our students." He glanced over at the few faces he'd recognized from his classes but they had disappeared somewhere. He hoped they weren't getting into trouble.

"I'm 24," he said with certainty. He had never lost touch with the date or the time living as a Controller. No one had ever celebrated his birthday but the yeerks had found birthdays a useful way to assign their Controllers annual checkups without causing overcrowding at their medical centers. If everyone came in on their birthday the centers rarely got all that full. There were a few exceptions. For some reason a lot of people were born in the summer.

The band finished their song and the singer came up to the mic. "Well, did everyone enjoy the night?" There were a few scattered cheers and Alain stopped dancing and respectfully turned to watch the performers. "Glad yall had a good time. We're gonna play one last song for you."

She backed away from the mic and the drummer started a beat. A second later the entire band launched into the last song of the night.

[Suji]

Just as there had been quiet a few instruments for the previous song, for this one they were removed again. The beat that started was simpler, almost folksy. Then the singer stepped back up to the mic.

"And it's only doubts that we're counting
On fingers broken long ago.
I read with every broken heart we should become,
More adventurous..."

Suji smiled. Without looking over at him, she took Alain's hand in hers. It made her hand feel child-size, but it was nice and warm. She noticed that most people were following suit; not dancing, but watching and listening. They didn't talk as the song played, and bit by bit, Suji felt something that had been broken inside of her getting stitched back together. It hurt in its own way, but it was necessary. This is what she'd been fighting for. What she'd continue to fight for. Because one day, Cassie would call her back. And one day, Suji would go.

"And maybe ours is the cause of all mankind," The singer's voice broke a little, and Suji could see the heartfelt tears on her face. "Give love to make more, try to stay alive."

[Alain]

There was more applause as the singer finished and the band slowly stopped playing. They all took their bows to more applause and cheers but Alain didn't join in because doing so would have meant letting go of Suji's hand. He smiled down at her and then motioned towards the exit before turning and heading that way.

It had been a long time since he'd walked hand in hand with anyone and he'd forgotten how awkward it could be. Like dancing, it took a second to match your movements to someone else but it was a familiar and comforting awkward moment. Like the rest of the night, it was a problem anyone and everyone had faced and Alain soon adjusted his pace so that it was comfortable.

Just like the first night, they didn't disturb the quiet of the night as they walked back towards the apartments. There were other people wandering away from the pavilion going in the same general direction but none were that close. When they stopped outside of Suji's place once again, Alain wasn't sure what to say. He stopped and looked up at her door before looking back at her. "Well," he paused and finally settled on, "thank you for inviting me tonight."

[Suji]

Suji glanced back at Junayd, but let Alain lead her away. Part of her wanted to wake him up and see him home, but he was safe enough out here, and he'd have plenty of company. For that matter, he'd probably take it the wrong way. Maybe erring on the side of being inconsiderate would help her out.

Not far was the wooden staircase that led to Suji's room. She nodded at him, smiling back. "Yeah. Thanks for changing your mind, even if you did make me sweat it out first." Suji couldn't wait to get to fall onto her bed and sleep like the dead. She'd probably be hungover tomorrow when she really did have to grade papers, which wouldn't be fun. Of course, it just meant everyone would get better grades so she'd be done faster. "I had a good time."

[Alain]

The alcohol ran through Alain's blood and made his head feel delightfully light. He almost felt like he was floating a bit on the ocean waves he could hear in the distance. The sounds of the night time wild life that lived here with them made him feel like they were completely alone.

He was having a hard time keeping his eyes completely open even though he wasn't tired, it was just an effect of drinking, but his ears were working just fine as he listened to Suji's answer. He nodded a bit too loosely as he forced himself to open his eyes and to look into her's. The lyrics from a song he'd heard earlier in the night were running through his mind.

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an iceberg
Waiting to change,
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like
the water,

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same
Just like water[/i]

He reached out and brushed a bit of hair that had been set free by the sea breeze back behind her ear without worrying about the risks or implications. When he'd been sent here he'd felt like time had stopped. It had been a blessing and a curse, a chance to escape what he'd done but never a chance to really confront it. Nothing changed here and he'd almost felt frozen. But he was starting to realize that things didn't have to be that way. He could change and he could do more here than just exist and wonder why.

"I'm glad you did," he said without dropping his hand.

[Suji]

Even with the sangria blurring her surroundings, Suji felt Alain's hand against her face in acute detail: how warm it was, how the touch was cautiously light even in its boldness. She felt herself instantly become a little more sober, even as her head swam for other reasons. It wasn't an exceptionally daring or intimate gesture, but her insides went dizzy all the same.

Suji's eyes found his, moving back and forth slowly. What are you, fourteen? A guy touches your face and you melt? But even as she scolded herself, she knew that she felt exactly like a fourteen year old with a crush. In highschool Suji hadn't really had any boyfriends: she'd been part of the popular clique, but her intimidating personality was off-putting to the similarly popular guys. She'd never doubted that she could attain a suitably movie-every-two-weeks boyfriend if she'd tried -- there were very few things Suji didn't get when she actively pursued them -- but she didn't want to try. Suji had never been interested in the available prospects, and school-work had interested her more. Then, before she'd ever gotten to college to see if that'd change, the war had happened.

When it came down to it, Suji had no idea how to react. And the unfamiliarity with this type of situation just made her even more anxious: not knowing what to do was definitely not her preferred environment. The rest of the night had been easy enough, but all those of that could still be written off as drinking too much with a friend. This was unquestionably something more and she was looking at his face and his hand was still there and what was she even supposed to do-

And worse yet, underneath all of that anxiety, was guilt. This, unlike everything else she was feeling, was nothing new. She thought of Drake -- which was absolutely ridiculous as there wasn't anything there (and shouldn't be, and couldn't be). And she knew if she had feelings for him they were entirely one-sided, and that having any feelings for him was stupid and pointless in the first place. Still, it felt like a small betrayal in her heart. Maybe if she knew he was okay, it would have been different. Maybe if she wasn't spending her days relaxing in a tropical paradise. What right did she have to be doing this, having some utterly normal (albeit blissful) young adult experience when she knew that it was being robbed from most of humanity? Forget most of humanity: even the people she cared about most in the world didn't get to do this.

Suji looked down, and shifted her weight so that Alain's hand left contact with her skin. "Have a good night Alain," she said quickly, still not looking at him. "Hope you don't have too many papers left for tomorrow." Suji pulled herself away, and turned to head up the stairs to her room.

[Alain]

"You too," Alain said as he let his hand drop, trying to hide the disappointment and hurt in his voice. It had been a long time since he'd been interested in anyone and longer still since he'd pursued it. He had never really mastered approaching women but he'd felt like tonight was going well. He hadn't been clear about what he had hoped it would bring but he knew as he watched Suji walk away that he'd wanted more than another polite good night at the doorstep.

For a moment his own impulsive bravery and the alcohol fused to attack his judgement and make him go after her and do...something. But he wasn't that far gone quite yet. Still, he couldn't bring himself to walk away either as she climbed the stairs to her place.

"Wait," he called, before running over to the stairs and taking them two at a time, changing his mind. "Wait," he said, stopping a few stairs from the top, not quite daring enough to actually climb up to her landing in case she really didn't want him there. "I...I didn't really have a follow up to wait," he admitted sheepishly. "I, just didn't want the night to end."

[Suji]

Suji turned back, eyes widening a little as he rushed up the stairs. There was another moment to think about how tall he was as he practically leaped all the way up to her, but then he was standing there. Not as close as before, but still in front of her. Even though he was standing three stairs down, Suji was only slightly taller than him now, and their eyes were much closer to being level.

Letting go of the doorknob, the door she'd already partially opened fell back shut. Suji turned back to him, biting her bottom lip. As she watched him standing there, the dizzy, electric feeling surged through her again. She took a couple tentative steps back towards him.

She knew two things for certain: that she wanted to kiss him, and that she wanted him to kiss her. God, to do something normal. To have a normal flirting-maybe-more relationship. Five years ago Suji would have hated anyone that wanted a normal life, and now the desire for one was practically crippling her. That, and over-analysis.

Taking another step towards him, Suji was at the edge of the landing now. "I like you, Alain." Maybe it was a strange thing to say, but she was relieved to know that it was the truth as she said it. She wasn't just interested because he represented some kind of idea of a normal life. Nothing here was normal anyway; maybe it was pretty, and maybe it was safe, but it was still a bunch of people living in exile. Alain was clever and attractive and what was more, attracted to her. Not an insecurity she visited often, but when the only people that showed interest were socially graceless poets -- one socially graceless poet -- your self-esteem wasn't exactly in the best shape.

Suji moved down one step, and Alain went back to being taller. Not by much, though. She leaned forward, and pressed her lips lightly to his. Keeping one hand on the railing for balance, she laid the other one against his collarbone.

[Alain]

A thousand things ran through Alain's mind as he stood for what felt like an eternity, waiting for Suji's response. It occurred to him that dating was a like a Judo match where each person kept putting the other off balance. Except, instead of looking for an advantage you were looking for a connection. Then it occurred to him that comparing romance to a sweaty wrestling match was probably the reason he was not better at it. From there he almost wanted to begin backing down the steps and just shrug it off but another part of him, normally the one he associated with foolish immature stunts but that came in handy every once and a while kept saying, fortune favors the brave, fortune favors the brave in a stupid little mantra he couldn't get out of his head.

He hadn't felt like this since he was fifteen and he wondered what it was about these situations that was so humbling that it always seemed to put you back at square one. He stood there with every muscle tight and he almost jumped at the sound of wood hitting wood when Suji let the door close behind her. He searched her face trying to find something that would give him insight into what she was thinking, into what she was about to do and when she started walking back towards him he almost allowed himself to hope for a good outcome except hope was dangerous.


He felt like he was a stone balanced precariously on top of a hill that hadn't decided to go one way or the other yet but when she said she liked him he began to smile and that stone began to tip ever so slightly. When she kissed him it began to roll in earnest and something other than his mind, with its endless second guessing and sometimes paralyzing uncertainty, took over and he kissed her back, his hand coming up to cup her face.

As with most first kisses it wasn't deep or long, just an exploration before they both pulled back. "I like you too," he said before going to kiss her again, all feelings of uncertainty and guilt momentarily banished until-

"Betrayal!" he heard from the ground beneath them.