Where There's Life

[Suji]

DISCLAIMER: I've written for people's characters, in some cases with their permission, in some cases without. If you'd like anything changed, let me know and I'd be happy to work something out!

---

"Hope never abandons you, you abandon it."
George Weinberg

THEN

<<Go! I’ll hold them off!>> Suji spun, the large body of her morph turning with quicksilver reflexes. Luce and Sedra turned. She could feel the gaze of both the Controller and the caracal burning on her back. Even just standing here for a moment, blood was beginning to pool under one of Suji’s back paws. Her torso had been lacerated badly by Hork Bajir blades.

<<Suji, we don’t have time for this, come on!>> Luce’s voice rang in her head. Suji turned to look at the caracal. The impossibly blue eyes of her morph saw every blood slicked patch of fur. Her ears cupped, flicked, heard the sounds of their pursuit echoing from down the concrete hallways.

<<Go.>> Suji repeated, this time only to her best friend. It was as much a plea as it was an order.

In some ways, the morph had helped. She’d acquired it back in Dallas, on her suicide mission to rescue Fin. She’d never actually had to use it then, but this suicide mission to rescue Sedra had called for the firepower. Besides, it wasn’t like Suji had much left to lose.

She stood, a fully grown, male African lion, complete with royal mane. The interesting part was that the DNA had been from an albino lion -- she’d had no idea her fur would come out ivory rather than tawny brown. She was hardly white now though: the injuries from aliens and dracon weapons had left her more scorched and blood-drenched than anything else.

But in a way, it’d felt strangely comforting to morph the lion. She’d found her cobra and the crocodile similarly fitting, in that their minds had melded well with her own personality. The lion, though, had been something more. It didn’t just speak to the parts of her she already recognized in herself; it made her feel things that she’d only sensed fleetingly.

Nobility, not just necessity. Bravery, not just ruthlessness.

Of course, that was probably just projection.

Luce watched her, the caracal’s eyes unchanging. <<I’ll meet you back at the base,>> she said, but the finality in her tone was different. It was too hard for Luce to say goodbye, too much else that hung between them. But there was a certain kind of acceptance, too. Maybe Luce knew that Suji was too far gone. Maybe she understood that Suji wanted this, and that at least this way, she’d die fighting. That she’d go out as a hero.

I’ve earned that much, haven’t I?

Luce had already accepted her death once. Suji wasn’t stupid enough to think it hadn’t hurt, but in a way it seemed like they both understood that she was running on borrowed time. Some vital part of her had stayed dead that day in Dallas; she was broken, deep inside. The kind of broken that didn’t get fixed with time or even friendship. She had pressed forward anyway: part of it had been determination to finish the job and get Fin home, but mostly it’d been because she didn’t know anything else. Like a dumb animal she’d limped on, too crippled to survive, just waiting for someone to deliver a last merciful blow.

Her friend though, her friend had something to fight for: something tangible, something that could be held and that would bleed if you cut it. Yeerk or human or Controller, Sedra was a real thing. Only Suji had ever really had was ideas, causes. You could fight for a cause and you could die for it, but it didn’t exactly keep you warm at night.

<<All right.>> Suji replied, perhaps just as unable to acknowledge the farewell as Luce was. Luce began to turn, when Suji heard Sedra huff behind them.

“You’re not staying here. You’ll be killed.” The Controller’s dark blue eyes met Suji’s glacial ones. Big welts had already formed on her arms and face, which would no doubt be blackened with bruises within hours. “Haven’t you played martyr enough?”

Suji might have laughed under other circumstances. As it was, she smirked inside. Let the Controller have her jabs. It was true. But it didn’t change anything, either.

<<Sedra, we need to leave.>> Luce said, the cat’s body moving as if to urge the stubborn Controller on. Sedra spared the caracal a hard look, before staring back at Suji.

“This is needless. Come with us.” She sounded exasperated. “I know you’re not a fool.” Yes, Sedra had seen her at the dam. Undoubtedly, Sedra had also seen her dead body on the hologram broadcast. Her tone wasn’t condescending - she was addressing Suji as an equal. Just an equal that was doing something incredibly stupid. “Your people need you, Animorph.”

I’ve given enough, Suji wanted to say, or, You know I boiled hundreds of thousands of “your people” alive, but instead she said nothing. Finally, she turned back to the growing sounds of their chase.

<<Sedra...>> Luce urged, and Suji heard the Controller move behind her.

Suji glanced to her side to see the Controller standing there, her dracon gun raised, the sight aimed down the hallway. <<Sedra.>> Luce repeated, this time more firmly.

“If you won’t leave, then neither will I.” Sedra’s mouth drew into a line, and her eyebrows arched, though she didn’t look away from down the hall. “I won’t have an Animorph sacrificing herself to save me.”

<<Sedra!>> Luce half-shouted, and then privately, to Suji: <<Suji please, please- >>

Suji sized the Controller. She meant it. If Suji didn’t leave, then the whole mission would be in vain. The three of them would die here, at best. At worst, they’d be taken alive. Just more death and destruction. Once more choice to make that wasn’t really any choice at all.

<<Suji,>> Luce begged again, and the lion turned back around.

<<Come on then.>> Suji said heavily, and the three of them escaped.

NOW

“...but the two world leaders, poised on the edge of total destruction, didn’t engage each other. They backed down from the conflict, and made better efforts towards communication. It was the breaking point of the Cold War. And,” Suji looked over at the clock on the wall, the same bland white model that seemed to be mandatory for any type of school. “That was the Cuban Missile Crisis.”

The faces looking at her were a range of ages, from about thirteen to seventeen or so. A couple had the glazed-over eyes of daydreamers, but for the most part they were an attentive audience -- much more so than any classroom she’d ever sat in. She let herself feel a small sliver of pride; if you told history like a series of stories, it had a much better impact. And seeing as there wasn’t exactly a Federal or State government to dictate her curriculum or demand certain test scores, she made sure there was at least one story for each lesson.

“All right, that’s it for today. Oral reports are due next time.” She’d ask for papers, since writing was a valuable skill, but paper itself could be hard to come by out here. Better to save it for the math and science calculations, or their literature course. “Get out of here, it’s a beautiful day outside.”

They picked themselves up from the rug on the floor, and left the small cabin-like structure. Suji could see the bright blue sky through the window, hanging above an equally bright blue ocean. It was always a beautiful day here, even when it rained. She was sure that was part of the reason why it was a small pocket of free humanity. As Suji packed up her things, she noticed a figure standing in the doorway.

“That one was a little hopeful for you, wasn’t it?”

“Well, I didn’t tell them that if we’d gone through World War III maybe we could have blasted ourselves off the planet before the aliens landed,” Suji replied dryly, still putting her books into her bag. She didn’t bother looking up; the banter was casual, familiar.

The young man snickered and shook his head, uncrossing his arms as he stepped into the room. “That’s more like it. When are you going to tell the story about the body-stealing invaders from outer space taking over the world?”

“Sounds like you’ve been reading too many science fiction books, if you ask me.”

“Every chance I get,” he replied smoothly. “Really though, what are you going to tell them?”

Suji finally did look at him, staring up into a pair of soulful brown eyes and a mop of hair. “I’m not too worried about it,” she said finally, the corner of her mouth twitching into a smirk. “No history class ever manages to get to the present day. It’s practically a law of physics. You should know.”

“Ah yes, how could I forget?” He smiled warmly, not pressuring her on the subject. He gestured loosely back at the door. “Walk you back to the teacher’s lounge?”

Of course there wasn’t really a teacher’s lounge: there was, however, another cabin outfitted with textbooks, a coffee pot, and a surprisingly large refrigerator.

“Sure Alain.” Suji answered, following him out.

“That’s Mr. A to you,” he quipped as he held the door for her.

“Yeah yeah, you’re an A all right.”

[Suji]

"Losing all hope is freedom."
Chuck Palahniuk

[shadow=grey,bottom,300]

THEN

[/shadow]

The three of them didn’t make it back to the base until much later; they’d had to lay low and make sure that they weren’t followed. During that time Luce tended to Sedra’s wounds. The cuts and scrapes were largely superficial, as the two Animorphs had taken most of the heavier hits. Suji stood off from them, giving them as much privacy as possible in the abandoned basement where they’d hid. She wasn’t really sure what to do with herself: it was clear that the Powers That Be wanted her alive. Fighting against them seemed to further play into some kind of plan -- if she hadn’t been trying to asphyxiate herself in the garage, she wouldn’t have seen Luce on the security cameras.

Robbed even of what she thought would be a worthy enough death making sure that Luce and Sedra got away safely, Suji was lost. She didn’t know what to do any more. The universe had plans for her, and their crushing weight had proved too much. Her willpower had been the only thing left of herself that seemed to be in tact, and that’d finally caved under the unbearable pressure. She didn’t have the will to live, or even the will to die anymore. Death and life had mixed so thoroughly that neither really mattered, and Suji wanted nothing.

She felt only the faintest twinge of shame and discomfort as they walked back through the Las Vegas faction compound. The faces that met them were marked with relief, suspicion, and a good helping of anger: and not all for the Controller they led down the corridors. Once upon a time, Suji wouldn’t have let Luce bring Sedra to a faction base. But Sedra was a dead woman -- or dead alien -- walking. At most she had three days; it wasn’t like they were going to be able to get her back into the main Yeerk pool, and Suji doubted the Peace Movement was going to be very sympathetic.

And, really, Suji didn’t care. It wasn’t her problem. Let Steve and Robert handle it. Let Luce handle it. Anyone but her.

Her eyes stopped briefly when they met Drake’s in the hallway. His arms were crossed, and the pain and disappointment was clear on his face, even though she knew he was glad that she and Luce were alive. It’d been another kamikaze mission, rushing off to get killed, without telling anyone. You only got so many free passes with those. Suji wished she could feel worse about what she’d done, but considering that the alternative was that they’d be just finishing throwing dirt on her grave about now, she couldn’t feel too incredibly upset.

But if Suji was getting strange looks, it was nothing compared to the glances that followed Sedra. She’d been a long-running villain for the Vegas faction, and no one could have any delusions about her connection with Luce any longer. “Who’s that?” Suji heard Aubrey whisper quietly to Drake.

“She is a Controller,” was all Drake replied with, but his tone said plenty more. Aubrey’s eyebrows rose. She didn’t ask any more questions, but she continued to look between the three of them. Steve and Robert were waiting at the end of the hallway. Suji thought she saw Fin briefly from one of the doorways.

They reached Steve, and the boy had a grim expression on his face that seemed wholly uncharacteristic. She wondered if it was Robert’s emotion bleeding through. “Let’s go,” he said somberly, indicating that they should follow him somewhere more private to talk. Suji didn’t protest, and let him lead the way.

When her part of the story was finished, Suji asked permission to leave. She knew they’d be moving into the “well what do we do with her” section of the discussion soon, and she wanted no part of it. All three of the other people in the room (well, there were five actually, if you counted Catherine and Robert) gave her surprised looks. What, Suji not wanting to be a part of a big decision? After she had to repeat her question, they let her go. Suji didn’t look back when she left.

After trying to avoid the more populated areas of the base, Suji was reaching out for the doorknob to her room when she heard a voice come down the hall to her. “I didn’t save your life so you could go run out and get yourself killed. You know, again.”

She looked up to see Fin standing not far off. He was barefoot, wearing a too-big tee-shirt and his biking shorts. He was forcing a ghost of a smirk, and his tone was a hollow version of the one he’d usually used when he was joking. The look in his eyes, however, was completely humorless. After gauging him for a few seconds (and contemplating going into her room), Suji responded. “Yeah? Why did you save me?”

Fin snickered, and shifted his weight. When it didn’t seem like he was going to answer, she moved again towards the door to her room. “I’m leaving,” he said bluntly. Slowly, she let her eyes trail up, find his.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He didn’t look defensive, but he looked prepared to be. He also looked exhausted.

“Don’t tell me where,” Suji said, her voice deadened.

“I wasn’t going to.” Weeks ago, he would have been snippy, would have danced the reply around her to show that he could. Now he was straightforward, and there wasn’t any irritation in his tone. “I don’t know where I’m going, anyway.” Fin’s mouth widened slightly, an empty smile. “Maybe Hawaii. I always wanted to go.”

Suji smirked, knowing that it was emotionless. Maybe she was supposed to be mad, to try to talk Fin out of this, but she didn’t have the energy. And despite the fact that they both knew she would have locked him up herself if he’d said this back in Dallas, she didn’t care. Suji had already tried to check out via suicide; if Fin wanted to go on the run, whatever. That was what you learned in all of this -- the war went on with you or without you.

“When are you leaving?” She asked after a short pause.

Fin shrugged lightly. “I don’t know. Soon, I guess. A call came for Aubrey; she’s leaving for New York in the morning. Cassie’s orders.” His mouth curled hard around the original Animorph’s name, as if it was a sour thing to say.

Suji nodded. Aubrey was good, and seasoned. Though if Cassie wanted to thrust her into a leadership position after what happened in Dallas... there was a spark of anger somewhere inside of her, but she quickly smothered it. That was Aubrey’s fight, if she wanted to take it up. Cassie would do whatever she would do. Not Suji’s concern.

“Anyway,” Fin continued, after they both seemed to realize they’d been standing there in silence. “I wanted to tell you. I’m not asking for permission or anything, but I just figured...” Absently, Fin ran a hand through his hair. “I’m leaving. I just wanted to tell you because, because-”

“Because Aida didn’t find a way to tell you?” It wasn’t meant to be piercing, but it wasn’t exactly a gentle thing to say, either. Fin narrowed his eyes for a moment, then sighed.

“Yeah. I guess.”

“All right.” They looked at each other for a while. “All right,” Suji said again, and as if the spell was broken, they both stepped forward. It felt awkward and more than a little stupid, but Suji held out her hand. What were you supposed to do in situations like this? He placed his hand in hers and they shook.

Suji thought of saying goodbye to Riley, with his too-charming smile and the pain that was underneath. Probably not smiling very much these days, she thought wearily. Word was that one of the first famed faction leaders had died -- the woman bearing his child, no less. She thought of the first time she ever met Fin: how he’d crashed a rolling chair into Drake’s, and managed to send himself sprawling in the hallway. How Rian had been dead before she’d even gotten to Vegas to see him a last time.

That was the worst of it all: that goodbyes and beginnings and death were so tightly bound together that it was hard to separate any of them from one another.

They both let go after what felt much longer than a normal handshake. “If you’re ever near Chicago, stop by the faction there and check up on their leader for me. Make sure he’s doing all right, for me.” Fin nodded, though they both knew there might be little chance he’d be in the area, let alone find the faction, or be able to help with anything if he did.

“If you ever see Matthias, and you’ll know him when you meet him, tell him that-”

There were footsteps coming towards them both, hurriedly. They turned to look, and saw Steve rounding the corner of the hallway. He immediately slowed when he saw them, a surprised look on his face. He quickly looked over to Suji. “Suji- It’s Cassie. She wants to talk to you.”




[shadow=grey,bottom,300]

NOW

[/shadow]

The beer bottles clinked together just before Alain handed her one. It was so cold the glass was practically arctic against her palm, and she could condensation wet on her skin. There was a strip of tape on it, and written with a thick black marker was “Ale #4.5.”

“Four-point-five?” Suji asked, leaning back in one of the reclining plastic lawnchairs that’d been set up on the flat rooftop of the “teacher’s lounge.” There were a few of them, along with a couple short tables. It was all an assortment of odds and ends, and resembled something like a hick’s backyard in that way.

“Well you liked four the best, so I figured I’d experiment with it some more.”

“If it isn’t broken...” Suji began (without malice).

“-practice makes perfect,” he retorted, then gave her bottle a light tap with his own. “To teachers.”

“To teachers,” she echoed, and they both drank. She had to be honest, the beer wasn’t bad at all: perhaps better than Ale #4. Alain was surprisingly good at the brewery business; they had a nice supply of the stuff even in a world where Coca Cola was hard to come by. He’d made a decent selection too.

“Our Dean know you use school equipment to ferment your booze?”

“She gets first taste of all the product,” he said with a smile. “Besides, I salvaged most of that equipment myself.” Suji just smiled and laughed to herself. They both quieted as the sun began to set over the ocean. The top of the cabin had a great view.

As the sun went down they chatted about this and that: foods they missed, gifted (and challenging) students, menial gossip. It was routine, and pleasant. Sometime after the sun fully set, the stars and moon shining brightly, they each cracked open another bottle of the homemade drink. The nighttime noises began, mostly the humming and chirping of bugs.

“Do you ever look up at the stars,” Alain began, and Suji looked over at him, an eyebrow pre-emptively raised for the incoming joke. “And just feel so insignificant?”

When he didn’t look back at her, cutting the tension and assuring her that he was messing around, Suji asked plainly, “Are you serious?”

“More than half,” he replied, offering her a conciliatory smile. “Really, though. Doesn’t it make you feel like you can’t change anything? Powerless?” It was strangely open for Alain, especially after only two beers. Suji laid back into her seat, cradling the bottle in her lap.

“I’ve never really had that problem.”

“How do you mean?”

“I just mean...” I just mean that my problem was that I felt too important, that I’d end up changing something big and in the wrong way. It sounded arrogant even in her head. Powerlessness though... she had felt that a couple times, definitely. “I don’t know. We’re changing things here, at any rate.” She smiled to cover her non-answer. “I Believe the Children are the Future, and everything.”

“Yeah, what a great guide you are -- filling their heads with all those bloody wars and gory violence.”

“You’re one to judge,” Suji snorted. “I can hear those explosions you call ‘science experiments’ all the way from my room!”

Alain flinched: it was incredibly slight, but it was there. It confused her, and it must have shown in her eyes. Before she could apologize for whatever she’d said, he’d already smiled again, looked away. “Just as long as everyone wears their safety goggles,” he said with strained humor, and then took a deliberately long swig of his beer. Suji let it go.

The night progressed as it usually did: after the third beer, with the wildlife buzzing merrily away in the background, they decided to call it a night. Downstairs Alain put the remaining bottles of ale into the fridge, while Suji stretched her back. They left, locking the door on their way out. It wouldn’t exactly be difficult to break into, but it was a minor deterrent for any less-determined, would-be vandals.

When Suji turned forward again, putting the key into her pocket, she was surprised to see Alain so close. She jumped a little, but not much: she had to crane her neck to see all the way up to his face from this distance. There was time for her to think that she didn’t really mind the closeness, before he leaned down to kiss her.

With one hand lightly cupping her face, his lips only barely brushed hers before Suji stepped back, one had on his chest. “Alain...”

“What is it?” He asked gently, he was still hovering close to her, those big brown eyes searching hers.

The one guy I might have had feelings for I abandoned and he could be dead. I haven’t seen my best-friend in a lifetime, and she could be dead. Everyone I’ve ever known since this war began could be dead, and I’ve been hiding out here in Paradise drinking beer and playing teacher.

Also, I can turn into a man-eating crocodile. And a man-eating lion. Take your pick.

Then there was the whole mass-murderer thing.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

“Why?” His voice was still soft, but the confusion (and hurt) in his expression was easy to read.

“There’s just a lot you don’t know about me,” Suji said lamely, hanging her head.

“I know that you’re smart, and pretty, and that you get a little bit cutthroat on boardgame night-” He started, and she quickly interrupted him.

“From before.” She still didn’t look back up, but he went very still in front of her, so she knew he’d heard and understood.

“Suji,” he said, voice hushed. Tenderly, he brushed a piece of hair back from her face, even as she stared intently at the ground. “You think you’re the only one who was something else before they came here?” Moving only her eyes, Suji looked up at him. There was pain there that he usually hid, some well that ran deep. Of course she’d never thought that he’d spent his whole life in this place -- he was at least as old as she was -- but it’d never occurred to her than anyone else here might have had a very sorted past. Just when it seemed like there might be a breakthrough between them, a phone rang.

Phones never rang here.

She watched as Alain blinked in surprise, as if trying to figure out what the noise could be, and then saw the dread dawn on his face. Suji was sure that her features were undergoing a similar transformation. The ringing was coming from inside of the cabin, and she fumbled with the keys are she unlocked the door. Wishing that she was more sober than she was, Suji rushed for the lockbox where the phone was, Alain trailing behind her the whole way.

On what must have been the last ring, Suji hit the receive button and pressed the phone hard against her ear. Her breathing was coming unevenly, betraying her anxiety. “Hello?” She tried to answer in the most steady voice she could muster. There was a beat of silence, and she thought that she must have missed the caller.

“Suji.” Cassie’s voice came out, a little tinny but entirely recognizable, from the other side of the line. “It’s time.”

[Suji]

"The first task of a leader is to keep hope alive."
Joe Batten

THEN

Cassie called and asked Suji to come to New York; of course, neither of them were naive enough to think it was really a request. The leader of the freedom fighters told her what day to show up, sometime after the day she’d told Aubrey. Before, Suji might have protested. Now she just agreed dully. Cassie sounded worried on the phone, but she was busy and it was dangerous to talk or long. Besides, it would have been futile if she expected much of a conversation.

When Suji hung up, Steve was waiting. “I’m going to New York,” she told him plainly. He wanted to know why, and she told him the truth: she didn’t know why, and she hadn’t asked.

She tried not to look back when she left, rising above the compound as a vulture. She looked anyway: Steve, Fin, and Drake came to see her off. Aubrey had already left. Luce and Sedra were tending to their own matters. The Vegas faction was dying; it might have been a slow death, but that wouldn’t change the outcome. Fin would probably be gone within the week, and then it’d just be Steve, Robert, and Drake. The city that Rian had tried so hard to save would have no more rebel guardians left to protect it.

At least there’ll be a city left at all, Suji thought hollowly, and turned her gaze away.

The heat baked off the desert ground, lifting her mercifully quickly. With a few powerful flaps, she set off east. Suji didn’t rush to get to New York; she went at a perfectly safe speed. The trip was uneventful, and when she’d reached the city it didn’t take her very long to make contact with the faction.

Once, over a year ago, Suji had been a part of this faction. She saw a lot of familiar faces when they took her back to the base, but she’d changed so much since then that she might as well be seeing them all for the first time. Old judgements didn’t seem to matter, and she wondered if any of them had been as altered as she had over those months. War got inside of you and twisted everything like a bunch of warped wood, that was for sure, but even then she was probably a special case. The gazes that greeted her were wary, sometimes sympathetic, often frightened. They were seeing a ghost, after all.

Suji had to wait a few hours to see Cassie. In that time they brought her food, but no one really stayed around to chat. She was actually staying in her old room: it felt much tinier than she remembered after the larger rooms in Vegas and Dallas. Some of her old books were still there, too; all sorts of manuals and how-tos. If Suji had the emotional capcity left, she might have felt nostalgic. It couldn’t have been more than two years, but she felt so much older now. She’d had so much to prove back then.

Finally, someone came and led her to what functioned as the Animorph’s Situation Room. Suji recognized her as Helana; the girl who took Luce’s job after Luce became a faction Animorph. They didn’t speak as they walked. Now Helena did jobs for Cassie -- the kinds of jobs that you didn’t ask most people to do. The room was dimly lit, with a large table and high-backed chairs. At the other end of the room, Cassie was reviewing some types of files. She looked up when Suji entered the room, and Helena quickly excused herself.

“Suji,” Cassie addressed her, putting the files down on the table. Suji didn’t say anything. “Would you like to sit down?”

“No.”

Cassie nodded, and then approached Suji slowly. They maintained a distance of at least ten feet. “You’ve done a lot of good work in these past months, Suji.”

Suji blinked, actually surprised. Cassie was completely sincere, and Suji was even a little suspicious. Wasn’t Cassie like Raven? She’d been expecting a self-righteous, mostly hypocritical lecture. The World Leader must have seen her expression, because she continued.

“You helped save a lot of children in Indonesia, and destroying the Hoover Dam was a tactical masterpiece.”

Suji’s brow furrowed, and she opened her mouth to protest. This was entirely not how she expected Cassie to react. All she could say, though, was: “I wasn’t alone.”

“No, of course not.” Cassie smiled a little. “You’ve worked with some of the best, and it shows. There are things I wish I could have shared with you sooner, but you know what are communication situation is. Between you and me, though, Suji: the Vegas faction alone has crippled the Empire’s plan of expanding on the West Coast. It will be years before they even begin to reconsider building up their forces there.”

Suji didn’t know what to say to that. Despite herself, it did help to hear it. The weight on her shoulders got a little lighter, though it still felt like too much to carry.

“What you’ve been able to do, Suji, is impressive. It reminds me of...” Cassie trailed off for a moment, and then smiled sadly. “There are a lot of people alive and free because of you. You’re a leader, Suji, and a damn good one.” Cassie stepped towards her again, meeting her eyes. So this is what the pep-talk was leading to, Suji thought.

“I know that is hasn’t been easy. I know you’ve made decisions that have eaten away at you. I know that you’ve been terrified, that you’ve been desperate, and that you’ve been pushed further than any person should ever be pushed.” Normally, Suji would have snickered and brushed someone off by this point, but this was Cassie. Cassie who she looked up to and admired, even when she hated her and blamed her for everything.

And if anyone knew the hell Suji had been through, Cassie did. Suji could never doubt that. She looked down at her feet, trying to compose herself, to process this. A moment later she felt a hand on her shoulder, and she looked up to see Cassie standing right in front of her.

“I know that Crayak’s taken interest in you.” Cassie’s eyes flicked back and forth, searching hers. “I wish I could spare you that, if nothing else.” Suji felt her eyes well, saw herself reflected in Cassie’s gaze. Her grip on Suji’s shoulder tightened slightly. “He’s not targeting you because you’re weak. He wants you because you’re strong and resourceful. You’re willing to -- and capable of -- doing more than most people to win this war.”

Cassie stepped back. “He’ll keep coming for you Suji, and it’ll be hard to ignore him. Sometimes it’ll be impossible. But I promise you, if you keep doing what you think is right, you can beat him. You can win the battle for your soul.” She paused, and gave another one of those faraway, sad smiles. “My best friend did, once upon a time.”

Suji felt the tears in her eyes threatening to spill, and she swayed a little where she stood. “I’m so tired though. I can’t fight any more. I’m done. Dallas...” She rose a hand and harshly wiped her eyes, so that no tears would fall.

“Dallas was a horrific travesty. It was destruction on a scale that even this war has never witnessed. But you and Drake managed to save everyone who could be saved.”

“I risked so much to go back for Fin,” Suji said quietly, practically whimpering. It felt like a terrible confession to the one person who could hold her accountable for her sins. “I risked so much. I-”

“-did what you had to do. Yes, you took an insane risk. But sometimes you have to do that. Sometimes you have to prove, even if just for yourself, that you’re still human.” Now Suji felt fresh tears in her eyes, and it was too much to hide or hold in. She cried, quietly, while the person who had the most reason to condemn her was telling her she’d done the right thing. “And you pulled it all off. The things you Animorphs do, the amazing, impossible things...” Cassie shook her head, voice trailing off wistfully.

“I can’t do it anymore.” Suji replied, her tongue and throat feeling too thick. “It means a lot to me, Cassie, but I can’t. It’s... it’s too much. I know it’s selfish, but I feel so ruined.”

Genuine empathy passed over Cassie’s features. “I know. I’ve asked far too much of you; too much from all of you. I won’t lie: we need you, Suji. We both know you’re different than a lot of the kids that have been drafted into this war. I knew it the moment Luce brought you in. I need that Suji: the one who challenged authority, who always had a clever plan, who got her people through the mission.”

“She’s gone.”

“She’ll come back,” Cassie replied reassuringly. Suji just stared at her; she wasn’t angry, but she clearly did not share Cassie’s faith. “People can be broken by the war. I’ve seen it. But I’ve also seen spirits heal, called back from the edge of the abyss. You’re close, but you’re not there yet, Suji. You will be okay.” Again, Suji just continued to watch the woman before her. “I’m sending you to a Freedom Camp; you should get to see some of the good your sacrifices and the sacrifices of your comrades has done.”

“What am I supposed to do there?”

“I’m sure you’ll find some role that needs to be filled. There is no mission.”

Suji considered this. A vacation? Was that what Cassie was talking about? Some R&R? Shore leave?

After what had happened in Dallas? Or Vegas? Or Chicago? You couldn’t just “fix” what Suji had seen and done by spending some time with a book on the beach.

“For how long?”

Cassie shrugged. “For as long as I can spare you. The war needs you Suji, but the war will wait. Unless I’m very wrong, the Empire will still be here when you are ready to come back.”

“I just go there?”

“You just go there. Go there and get better. One day I’ll call, and then you’ll come back.”

“What if I never come back? What if I want to stay?” After all, if this was a hub for free humans, and if it had whatever strangely curative properties Cassie thought it did, then what would make her want to leave heaven and return to hell on Earth?

Cassie smiled knowingly. “That’s a bridge I’m willing to cross when we come to it. I’m going to have one of our pilots take you there tomorrow morning.”

“Okay.” Suji nodded and turned to leave. She’d almost reached the door before she heard Cassie shift again behind her.

“And Suji,” Cassie called from behind her. “I was wrong to send you to Chicago. I’m sorry. I...” Cassie’s voice actually hitched, and Suji halted, turning her head slightly to the side. “I thought you and Raven could learn something from each other, but it was a mistake.”

Suji pursed her lips for a moment, and then shook her head once. “No it wasn’t. Maybe if we had, I wouldn’t need to leave. Maybe she’d still be alive.”

Cassie was silent for a long time, then: “Goodnight Suji.”

“Goodnight.” Suji left, and let the door swing shut behind her.

NOW

Suji found an empty rack on the Bug Fighter, and tried to sleep for most of the flight to New York City. They had to stay in the atmosphere, so it was a long trip. She could never quite make it fully asleep -- she was always dragged back to consciousness by slight turbulence, or the sound of a door sliding open with a cool hush of air, or footsteps down a far hallway. Eventually, she gave up trying. In the darkness of the bunk, she lay with her eyes opened, replaying her last hours back at the Camp.

- - - - -

The ship had already been on its way by the time Cassie called. Fortunately, Suji had very little in the way of things that needed to be packed. Eventually it came down to waiting in her cabin, while Alain looked on, brooding. He didn’t look particularly angry, but he didn’t look very pleased about the situation either. When he spoke, it was in hushed tones.

“Back to the war, then?” He finally asked, eyes following her. She was putting one of her last things in her bag: a necklace that Rian had made for her long ago, in the shape of a vulture. Suji turned and looked over at him; his expression was hurt, but there was something darker in there too, some sort of defiance.

“I suppose so.”

“Why are you going?”

“Because I’m needed,” Suji zipped her backpack.

“You’re needed here, too.” She looked up at him, licked her lips nervously, and then looked back at her feet. “Please Suji. Don’t go back.”

“I made a deal.”

“So? Unless you signed the contract in blood, standing on a dirt crossroads under the full moon-”

She held up her arms at her sides, still holding the backpack in one hand. “I’m not a teacher, Alain.”

“You could have fooled me.”

“I have to go.”

Suddenly Alain was on his feet, standing at his full height (rather than the slightly hunched posture he usually had). He really was very tall, and he seemed to take up twice as much room as he had before. “And what?” Alain asked, voice raised but without shouting. “Cassie calls you back into the line of duty, and you play good little soldier and run back to her army? For what? To get all- all screwed up again?” His eyes burned into hers, and Suji began to realize very quickly that she’d underestimated him.

“How long have you known that I’m an Animorph?” Suji asked calmly. His eyes widened minutely, and he looked ashamed as he glanced away. When it seemed like he might waffle the question, she repeated: “How long have you known?”

“The whole time. The first time I saw you.” His voice was subdued, and he didn’t meet her eyes. “I saw the hologram. There’s only one thing I know that could possibly arrange something like that, let alone get out of Dallas alive, and that’s an Animorph.”

“Wait,” Suji said, narrowing her eyes. “You’re not one, are you?”

He looked back up at her, one eyebrow arched. “Me?” He snickered, and shook his head. “No.” Then, after another snort, he said again, “No.”

She didn’t know if she was relieved or not. It was unsettling enough to think that this whole time she thought she’d been completely anonymous, and he’d known at least part of one of her darker secrets all along. She’d always thought he was clever, but Suji apparently hadn’t seen just how so; or how good he was at hiding things. The most misleading part of it was that he wasn’t really a stoic person: he was expressive, didn’t really hide his feelings.

“There are only two ways to stop being an Animorph,” Suji began, stepping towards him. “One is to be killed. The other is to be made into a Controller. Even people that’ve been trapped in their morphs still choose to fight.” Alain looked up at her, brow furrowing deeply. “I’m alive and I’m free, and this is my war.”

He watched her for a moment, scowl etched unto his features. At last he sighed, and nodded. “I know. It’s just not fair.” Suji smiled, warmly, and knew that Cassie owed her a big I-told-you-so. She closed the distance between them, and Alain wrapped her into a hug.

“I’ve been saying that all along,” Suji murmured into his chest. “No one ever listens.”

- - - - -

Suji woke with a start, sitting up so fast that she hit her head on the top of the small bunk. Cursing, she lay back down, rubbing her forehead. She must have fallen asleep after all. “Suji?” There was a knock at the door to the bunk area, and one of the pilots called in. “We’re almost there. Cassie wants to see you straight away. Don’t worry, there’lll be some coffee and chow. I know it’s a long flight.”

“Yeah, okay.” Suji called. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Then, on his way out, the pilot paused. “Good to have you back.”

[Suji]

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come."
Anne Lamott

THEN

Suji sat in silence the whole trip. The pilots, though she had caught one of them staring at her reverently, like she was some kind of hero, generally gave the Animorph space and privacy. There was a distant echo of guilt in her gut for leaving saying anything to her old faction-mates, but she was sure Cassie would find a way to tell them that much at least. Suji didn’t feel all that guilty about leaving them in the first place, though. In her current state she was nothing but a risk to those around her, a liability. Those young men and women trusted her far too much for her to stick around and wait for another opportunity to put their lives in danger.

She tried her best not to think about where she was going. Cassie probably wouldn’t have told her the location even if she’d asked, but Suji was a smart cookie. She’d figure it out if she put her mind to it; she just resolved herself to not care. As long as it was away from the war, she was fine with that.

The Bug Fighter came to a smooth landing, and the back hatch opened. The younger pilot hopped out first, and offered Suji a hand down. She took his hand, and jumped to the ground. Immediately she looked around at the surroundings; her mind whirring with questions like: “How dense is the soil?” “What’s the vegetation like?” “What season is this?” “What hemisphere?” It took some force of will to calm the questioning. Old habits, she thought to herself.

The area was definitely tropical, or close to it. In the distance she could see the ocean, the waters far too bright to be the Atlantic. When she turned to the pilot, she noticed that there was a small gathering of people watching the ship. Some looked on in flat wonder, other’s had stern frowns on their faces.

“Thanks for the lift,” Suji said, without much inflection.

“Take care of yourself,” the pilot instructed her. “We’ll be seeing you.”

Whatever you say, she thought as he climbed back into the hatch, and closed it behind him. When the ship took off, whipping her hair around her face until it rose into the sky, she realized that she didn’t know anyone here. She had no idea what she was supposed to do, or how to start. The Bug Fighter cloaked and disappeared, the only remaining link to the life she’d known during the war.

Suji looked at the people gathered. She stared, they stared back. Then some movement caught her eye; a tall guy in his twenties walked to the front. Without stopping, he came right up to her.

With an easy smile, he held out a hand. “Hi. How do you feel about experimental beer?”

NOW

Suji leaned against the heavy table, sipping coffee and finishing off a bagel with cream cheese. This room was actually pretty impressive: a lot of the New York headquarters was underground, but this room had some natural sunlight. The windows were dirty and refracted so that you couldn’t really see what was on either side, but the light shone through fairly well. She began wiping her hands on a napkin when Cassie came in.

For a second, Cassie’s face was lined with concern, the weight of the war bearing down on her. She looked old, even though she couldn’t have been more than ten years Suji’s senior. Then Cassie turned and saw her, nursing her coffee, and Suji watched her expression change. Some mask slipped on, and Cassie buried everything else away: she smiled broadly at Suji.

“Nice tan,” Cassie said, an authentic, if playful compliment.

“Hi Cassie.” Suji smiled a little, and set down her drink.

“How are you?” The Animorph Leader asked; Suji thought she noticed a twinge of urgency in her voice, though she was sure that Cassie wasn’t trying to rush her.

“Better, but you knew that.” Suji replied amiably. Cassie smiled to show that it was true.

“Good. I have a mission for you. You probably have a day to rest. I’ve gotten you a new morphing suit, it’ll be in your room.”

Suji had known that Cassie wouldn’t call her back just for a social visit. She’d known there would be a mission at hand, and she didn’t blame Cassie for getting to the point. Commanding the Resistance wasn’t exactly a job with a lot of leisure time. “I haven’t morphed since I was last here.”

“That’s fine,” Cassie said. “It’s like riding a bike. Take the time to practice though, for yourself.”

“All right.”

“It really is good to see you Suji,” Cassie said, looking over her for a few moments. Suji just smiled and nodded. “I’ll debrief you tomorrow. Get some sleep.” Cassie turned to leave, and Suji stood straight, pushing herself of the table.

“Hey wait.”

Cassie stopped, and turned back around. “Yes?”

“Alain, what’s his deal?” Suji asked as neutrally as possible, though she noticed a complex range of emotions play out across Cassie’s face: some of it was sympathy, some of it was pleased. Eventually, she settled on smiling knowingly.

“I thought you’d meet him.”

“Where did he come from?”

“Suji, that’s private information.”

“We both know that won’t stop me if I want to know, so you might as well tell me now.” Suji said as non-confrontationally as possible. Cassie judged her comment, found it both true and non-threatening, and sighed. “Look, I know something bad must have happened to him. He was sent there like me, wasn’t he?”

“Yes. He was a Controller. We saved shortly after we lost Dallas.” Cassie gauged Suji, and must have seen the questions that she was already preparing to ask. Namely: yeah, that sucks, but there are plenty of ex-Controllers who don’t get sent halfway around the world. “It won’t help you to know, Suji.”

“Maybe not.” Suji responded bluntly. When she wouldn’t concede, Cassie nodded, as if to herself.

“The Yeerk controlling him designed the bomb that was dropped on Dallas.”

Suji jerked like she’d been slapped, mind racing. Alain? The too-tall, kinda-cute-but-sort-of-goofy wannabe physics teacher? It was too horrible to imagine living with that, and she’d never even suspected anything like it. “B-but that’s not his fault,” Suji finally got out, as if something like that had to be told to the last of the Original Animorphs. “He didn’t have a choice-”

“He was a willing Controller when the war went overt.”

Suji’s mouth hung open. It felt like she’d been sucker-punched. There were a lot of things she could ask, but in the end none of them seemed to matter so much as the flood of second-hand guilt she felt for Alain. It wasn’t the same as what she’d done, and maybe that bomb had even saved billions by sacrificing millions. If his Controller hadn’t done it, surely another one would have. But all the same: he had made a choice that had led to unfathomable consequences, consequences that could never be reconciled.

“Get some rest, Suji.” Cassie went to leave. She was at the door when Suji snapped out of her spell.

“What happens when you need a rest? It’s not like you can just leave and take time to get better. How do you do it? How do you carry it all, for so long?” Cassie turned back, and gave Suji a long up-and-down look.

“One day you’ll know.”

[Aubrey]

((Sorry this took awhile. Hope this works.))

The room was silent, except for her own breathing. Well, perhaps it wasn't really breathing as much as it was gasping. Aubrey was sitting completely still on a cot in NYC, her arms wrapped around her torso, mouth twisted into a pained frown. Her eyes were burning, but there were no tears in them. On a table next to her was an envelope, the papers within partially pulled out. The title on the paper read "CONFIDENTIAL: Sydney, Australia." It was the detailed notes and plans that had been outlined by Australian YPM and free human scouts. It was her home. Her home.

There was nothing else in the world she wanted more than to return home, happily, and see her old house. The old streets she biked down as a youth, the school she went to. But that wasn't what she would return to. Scorched soil, collapsing buildings, a city just barely held up by its own skeletal arms. If it had been another time, maybe earlier, when Aubrey had been filled with optimism and more than ready to fight the Yeerks, it would have worked. But she had studied the documents, and she had seen it all happening again. Dallas, the explosion, so many lives lost. The memories tore at her inside, stealing the air from her lungs.

Cassie had no clue. She couldn't, because what sane person would think that Aubrey, Aubrey of all people, was ready to lead an entire faction in Australia? The thought sent another wave of anxiety and panic through her body, and she tightened her grip around her body. Aubrey had no confidence in herself, so why should Cassie? Just because she had accepted, didn't mean she was ready.

In her mind, she kept seeing it over and over. Fin, half of his body dangling from a crocodile's jaws. The Hork-Bajir slowing to a stop around him as Aubrey and Suji escaped. The panic when they had gotten back and Suji disappeared. Both of their reappearance, walking back like ghosts.

Aubrey closed her eyes to the dark room, leaning backwards until her back touched the wall the cot was against. Her scattered thoughts slowly became replaced with the same sentence over and over: I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.

---

It was a recurring dream. Every detail was vague; all she knew was that she was in a very large, white room. It almost felt empty, but she knew deep inside that it wasn't. Once this realization would strike her, she would be startled by the sudden sound of glass shattering. This made her think that there were people in this room, and then there were; men and women with blurry faces. They were all dressed in lab coats, and blood was oozing from their nostrils. Something was wrong--something was very wrong. And it was her fault. It was because of her.

Aubrey woke up.

She sat up on the cot, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and sighing loudly. It had been awhile since Cassie had offered her the opportunity to be a faction leader of Sydney. Her first gut reaction had been to accept the invitation--why wouldn't she want to? Defending her homeland, freeing her people. It sounded great and romantic and right, and everything she had initially wanted when Matt had found her that day in California. But that was before the doubt had seeped into her, had drawn up the still fresh memories of Dallas. And that night, the emotions of it all had overwhelmed her. She'd had a complete mental breakdown.

Aubrey threw the blankets off her legs, letting them slither into a pile at the edge of the bed. The NYC headquarters was larger than most of the other factions, and because Cassie was attempting to expand the Animorphs all over the globe, there were usually some people awake and working at all hours of the night and day. As she stumbled out of the sleeping quarters, she was met with the general hum of others moving around. It was sometime early in the morning, as the sun was just peeking up over the horizon, but she couldn't stay here at the moment. She needed some air.

A guard sat sleepily next to one of the doorways that lead up to the surface. A wooden table stood next to him, loaded with different piles of papers. Grabbing a pen, Aubrey traced her finger down one of the sign-out sheets and signed her name. The guard gave her a wave and opened the doors.

The outside air was cool on her flesh, and she gave a little shiver. Peaceful. Closing her eyes, Aubrey began to concentrate on the image of a screech owl. Her body began to shrink, bones grinding and organs gurgling as they shifted, and feathers sprouted all along her morphing suit. Her nose began to harden into the owl's beak, melting downwards into her lips. Within a few minutes the morph was complete, and Aubrey burst into the brightening skyline. She wouldn't go very far, especially since no one else was with her, but it was still freeing.

Cassie had given Aubrey one of the easier jobs after it had become clear she wasn't able to do anymore heavy fighting. Most of it was scouting, making sure that there weren't any Yeerks that had figured out the Animorph hiding place and were making their way there. It was simple, and it made Aubrey feel good that she was able to contribute at least something, and not be a complete drain on resources.

An hour into her flight she decided to head back to the headquarters. Before returning, she lingered on one of the buildings close by, using her vision as an owl to peek around and make sure no one had followed her. After thirty minutes, she swooped down and disappeared into one of the higher entrances meant for Animorphs in bird morph. A couple minutes later she was skipping down the stairs, stretching her arms and feeling the fog of the nightmare fading away. Hunger took its place. Blueberry pancakes sounded kind of good to her, at the moment. Maybe she could scrounge around and see if they had any whipped cream lying around, but she knew there was some pancake mix in the cupboards--

"Aubrey! Aubrey!" The familiar voice of one of her friends drew her out of her short-lived reverie, and Aubrey blinked as the young girl sprinted up to her and grasp her hands over her arms. "Aubrey, Cassie was looking for you. She says you might want to hear this."

"Oh, okay, give me a few minutes to throw on some clothes," Aubrey mumbled. No pancakes yet, it seemed. She headed back towards the sleeping quarters, tip-toeing inside and searching for her bag. Aubrey produced a comfortably large shirt from the bag, followed by some torn jeans. She slipped them on over her morphing suit and pulled back her hair with a rubber band. Raids on clothing stores weren't at the top of Cassie's list--Aubrey didn't blame her--so there was wasn't any easy way to find clothing that fit her tiny frame.

The hallway leading to where her friend had said Cassie was waiting was nearly empty, except the few souls who passed her by with tired glances. The door to Cassie's room was shut, and so Aubrey leaned forward and rapped two knuckles against it. There was a muffled "Come in." from the other side, which prompted her to slide open the door and slip in. Cassie was staring thoughtfully at a nearby window, distracted. The strong light traced an outline along her form, filling in the worry lines on her face that had grown to be permanent. Aubrey cleared her throat, and the older woman's head turned.

"Ah, Aubrey. A bit early to be wandering around?" The words were said with a smile and Aubrey felt herself relax. A brief pause filled the room, before Cassie continued. "I needed to ask something of you."

The pleasant smile that had been on Aubrey's face disappeared. That sentence could never be good when Cassie said it. "What is it?"

Another smile brightened the older Animorph's features. "Well, first, a friend of yours just got in this morning. I'm sure you remember Suji?"

Of the course she recognized the name, and Aubrey felt a small burst of happy energy. A familiar face. She hadn't seen Suji since that call from Cassie had come in Las Vegas. It felt like ages ago. In fact, she hadn't seen anyone familiar--anyone from Dallas that was--for a long time. It had been easier to repress the memory because of that. Easier to bury it down deep and pretend it never happened. But Suji was here and despite Dallas, Aubrey was glad to hear it. "Really? Can I see her?"

Cassie watched Aubrey's reaction before shaking her head. "She's getting some rest right now, but she'll be around tomorrow. First, I have to talk to you. There's something that's come up, and I think it would be good for the both of you to take part in it. Nothing too serious, nothing too complicated. But I think it's about time that we see whether you are ready to come back to the war."

Aubrey's eyes had grown wide, and she turned away. Come back to the war? It wasn't something she'd really thought of. But it had been awhile, hadn't it? She was an Animorph, too, and animal DNA flowed through her veins at this very moment. But did that obligate her to fight? Aubrey looked back to Cassie. "It's nothing too serious?" Immediately Cassie nodded, a hopeful look in her eyes. Another sigh filled Aubrey's chest, and she slowly exhaled. Why not. She had had time to recover, she could give it another go. Right?

"Okay. Alright. I think I'll do it."

The next morning, Aubrey dressed and headed down the hallway. There were a couple sections reserved for sleeping quarters, and she'd been told Suji was in the one across the hall. While most of the rooms were shared by people, she imagined they might've given Suji her own room to separate her from the gawkers. Even though it had been awhile, most people had a clear memory of Suji up on the television. Once at the door, Aubrey paused hesitantly. Her fist lifted up, inches from the door. Then she knocked lightly, calling out in an uncertain voice, "Suji?"

[Suji]

Suji was reading a copy of Ender's Game. The paperback was beaten up, the spine creased, the cover practically disintegrating. Alain had given it to her before she left.

"It's about a kid who saves the world from aliens," he'd told her as he pressed it into her hands.

"Aren't I a little old for this?" Suji had asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

"Trust me," he'd said and smiled sadly. "It was one of my favorites."

Now she sat in her tiny room, gently turning the too-dry pages. She could have easily blown through the book in one sitting, but tried to savor it instead. Of course, she had to take more than a few breaks to collect her thoughts (and possibly quell the urge to cry). It was strange how homesick she felt for that Freedom Camp; moreso than a lot of the different homes she'd had. The fact that she'd managed to part without running for her life, and on relatively good terms, was no small wonder.

A knock came out the door, and and Suji looked up as whoever was there called her name. Carefully, she put the book back under her pillow. Standing in civilian clothes (she'd had time to get used to wearing jeans and a tee-shirt all over again, damn it all), she swung open the door.

It took Suji half a dozen seconds to even realize who she was seeing; it wasn't that she didn't recognize Aubrey, but the shock was immediate and abrupt. The instant it wore off, Suji stepped forward and hugged her old faction mate. It felt like a lifetime since she'd seen Aubrey.

When she pulled back, Suji held her out a bit, actually grinning. "Aubrey, how are you? What are you doing here?"

[Aubrey]

The door opened, and Suji's face appeared. Aubrey watched the shock form on her former faction mate's face before her own expression brightened into a wide, familiar smile. The hug Suji gave was met with Aubrey's own enthusiasm, and she stepped back with a silly grin still on her face. "I'm doing great!" She pinched her own waist, as if indicating she had gained some. "Maybe a little bit too great."

Her excitement seemed to be curbed by Suji's second question, however, and she turned her face to the side and fixed her eyes on an uninteresting spot on the nearby wall. "Um. Well," she scratched the back of her neck, then cast a glance up at Suji. "I figured, well I thought, I might be better off helping Cassie and everyone in New York, rather than over in Sydney. There's probably some, you know, better person out there that could handle that sort of job. There's some nasty stuff going on there, and I didn't think, not after what happened..." Her sentence trailed off, then she seemed to snap out of it. "Anyways! I've been managing here in New York, and it's fun. But I'm glad to see you! It's been awhile. How have you been?"

Aubrey had been tugging at the edges of her shirt as she spoke, but she stopped and glanced down one side of the hallways. "And not to hurry, or anything, but Cassie said something about a mission earlier. Pending whether you want breakfast, she wanted us to head over there and speak with her."

[Suji]

Suji gauged Aubrey's reaction, and nodded when the blonde girl changed the subject. "It has been a while, hasn't it?" Suji asked with a small smile. "I've been..." She smirked, shifted her own gaze away. "Well, I'm doing better."

Cassie wanted to see them, which was what Suji was expecting. She hadn't known that she'd have a surprise like this in store, but it was a good one. Working with Aubrey was by far preferable to working with someone else. Even if they weren't friends, which Suji imagined they were, Suji trusted Aubrey. They'd gone through trial by fire together, and that wasn't something easy to dismiss.

She followed my order to leave Fin behind, Suji reminded herself, her eyes flicking back over Aubrey, up and down. Now wasn't the time for that.

"Let's get breakfast first," Suji said with a smile. She went into her room, and grabbed the morphing outfit off of the top of her dresser. "Who knows how long the mission will be." She shut the door behind her, and it clicked softly. I better make it through this mission, she thought silently. I've got a book to finish.

"Hope you're in the mood for some oatmeal, if I remember anything about this place." Suji looked over at Aubrey and gave her a wink.

((I'll move this over to a new thread sometime soon: I'll start us right in the mission))