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Post by Suji on Sept 29, 2009 1:00:03 GMT -5
Suji woke up still wrapped in the blanket that Drake had "given" her -- it wasn't exactly really his, but the gesture was still appreciated. The light that came into the room was already strong, and she watched dust particles float by the window for a few moments. Waking, ever since the time she'd spent in Chicago, always brought about a feeling of intense dread. Some days it passed so quickly that she barely noticed it; usually when there was some other work to be done. Recently it had never seemed to go away, though.
Now, however, she lay curled on the Officer's bed, and what she felt wasn't fear or anger or even the sickening wrench of guilt. It was the first night of solid, restful sleep that she'd had in weeks, probably months, and she woke up with a sensation of resolve. Beyond that even, there was a peculiar serenity. She'd been caught in a agonizing state of in-between, but now she understood what she had to do.
Luce and Drake had both echoed something of the same thought: even if you were being used as a player in a great scheme, you couldn't escape, so you just had to soldier on. Live with it. But, and Suji thought it a bit selfishly, what choices had they had to make that had been so terrible? Even when Luce had "betrayed" them by allowing Ember to be captured, what had the consequences been? Luce had made out pretty well as far as the Sedra business went, as far as Suji knew. As well as you ever could when you fraternized with the enemy, at least. She hadn't chosen to kill her soul for a cause... she'd chosen her soul over the cause.
Suji brushed away a quiet pang of jealousy, but with it there was a small tendril of relief. What would Suji have done in Luce's situation? Originally Suji would have refused to acknowledge that she could get into any similar situation; now it was all too clear how often Suji put herself into problematic dilemmas. Would Suji have allowed the enemy to live on so many occasions, even if she cared for them -- even if she loved them? If letting them live continuously endangered the Animorphs? She could fool herself as much as she wanted, but the answer inside was a resounding 'No.' As much as she wanted to judge Luce for not having the right dedication, she was glad that she wasn't in that situation. That would be another whole set of psychological mind-fucking that she definitely didn't need.
And then there was Drake. He wasn't exactly innocent -- he'd participated in the Hoover Dam mission, and she'd seen him use force against Controllers in trying situations -- but he also wasn't guilty of worse things than most of them, certainly. The way he talked about the escape from Dallas, though, gave her pause. He'd sounded harder, and not just in the sense of someone who'd witnessed great loss, but rather someone who had to deal with the loss in order to minimize it in whatever way possible... including leaving the city with a handful of survivors.
Did knowing this completely invalidate what they said? No, not at all. But Suji was tired of running from the fact that she was an anomaly. Even in one of, if not the, most hardened Animorph she knew Suji found emotional, illogical weakness. Suji had perpetuated war crimes that would be unforgivable if there was still a court system to try her, ranging from murder of prisoners and murder of children, to mass killing, to enslavement. At some point you weren't just doing what was necessary. At some point you had to wonder if you were just doing what was most efficient. And even if it was necessary, you had to come to terms with the fact that in the eyes of any sane, unbiased person, you were evil. Or, at the very least, more than capable of committing evil acts.
But she could put that behind her, and hopefully, with time, behind all of the Animorphs. And there was a surefire way to make sure she'd never do anything like that again. First, though, there were arrangements to be made.
- - - - - - -
It was night again, and Suji had somehow managed to avoid engaging in any long conversations with anyone during the day. She'd spent a good deal of the day organizing, measuring, and calculating. Most of that had been done in the storage rooms, and the kitchen, when she peeked in and made sure no one was around.
It was just late enough that people seemed to be away from the usual haunts, but not so late that everyone was too deep into sleep (hopefully). Suji finished setting things up in the kitchen, and then set off to the barracks. She'd made a mental note of where people were sleeping, and soon enough she was approaching the area that Aubrey had claimed for herself.
As Suji approached she noticed that Aubrey was asleep. She didn't want to wake anyone else up (yet at least) so she quietly went over to her, and gave the blonde girl a gentle shake. "Aubrey?" she whispered.
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Post by Aubrey on Oct 1, 2009 0:38:58 GMT -5
Aubrey was curled up tight on the bunk, the bed's scratchy wool blanket wrapped around her body. Her sleeping was light; the vague sketches of dreams edged in and out, but nothing too heavy or troublesome. A soft nudge woke her up, and she cracked open one eye sleepily and mumbled something. It took her a couple seconds to realize Suji was there.
After a moment Aubrey pulled herself up, rubbing the knuckles of her fingers against her eyes. Was it already morning or something? It felt like she had just fallen asleep. Suppressing a yawn, she said, "Hey, yeah. What's up? Something wrong?" She brushed fingers through her long hair, draping it across her shoulders. Suji had been scarce lately, ever since turning up in Vegas with Fin. Of course, Aubrey had gone to see her as soon as she could, and was happy to see her alive and well.
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Post by Suji on Oct 6, 2009 20:30:02 GMT -5
OOC: I didn't even see this! Jeez, sorry. =| Would definitely have responded sooner. Teaches me to rely on the most recent posts thingie.
Suji backed off a bit as Aubrey came to, smiling weakly at the girl. It was unfair that she was always waking everyone up, but hopefully this would be worth it. "Nothing's wrong," Suji quickly assured her. It seemed like the least she could do. Waking someone up in the middle of the night, especially nowadays, was probably enough to set them on edge.
"I'd like you to come see something though. You can stay here if you want, but..." She allowed the corner of her mouth to lift in a bare smirk. "It's kind of a surprise, and I'd like your help."
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Post by Aubrey on Oct 6, 2009 23:30:16 GMT -5
Aubrey hadn't been asleep for long, so the fogginess of sleep was quickly receding. The slight tenseness of her shoulders smoothed away at Suji's assurance, and she ran both palms of her hands through her bed-messed hair another time. A spark of curiosity flashed across her face at Suji's request, and she raised both eyebrows.
"Oh, really? A surprise?" Her mind was already running through the possibilities of what it could be, and she glanced to the small camo bag next to her bunk. It was something she had found and taken from some of the storage around, and she was a natural hoarder. The only thing in it right now, however, was clothing. Mulling it over for a second, Aubrey said, "Right-o, I'll help. Let me throw on a shirt and pants and I'll come." Glancing up at Suji, then, she asked, "What is it though?"
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Post by Suji on Oct 7, 2009 23:28:04 GMT -5
Suji backed up even more so that Aubrey had plenty of room. Then she turned around. She wasn't like she hadn't seen Aubrey in her morphing suit -- and morphing suits didn't tend to leave much to the imagination -- but it still seemed like a polite thing to do.
"You'll see," Suji replied, smiling a little to herself as she looked at the floor. "It's a bit of a surprise for you too, I guess. I figured we could get started first." She waited until she thought she heard clothes finish rustling around, and then she turned back to Aubrey. "I thought we should do something nice for the Vegas faction, for taking us in. Especially considering... considering everyones circumstances." Suji winced lightly as she said it, and then began to walk towards the kitchens.
After a bit of a walk -- nighttime was chilly as usually -- the came to the door that led to the kitchens.
"I thought it would be good for morale," Suji said quietly as she opened the door and walked in, holding it for Aubrey. When the other girl entered she stood aside and flicked on the lights. It took them a moment to come on, but when they did, they revealed just how much set-up Suji must have gone through. There were muffin/cupcake baking tins of varying sizes (some even had molds that were shaped like hearts and stars), bags of flour and sugar, and several battered cookbooks opened to pages on cakes and cupcakes. The paper in the books looked brittle and yellowed, and was probably as old as they were.
Big vats of economy sized frosting, still dusty from where she'd dragged them from in the large pantry, were on another end of the tables that were pushed together (accompanied by different sizes of spatulas). A whole other corner had been dedicated to sprinkles and food coloring.
"I didn't know if you'd rather bake or frost. I have a set or two in a couple of the ovens now, and the first batch should be cool by now, so you have a bit of a choice." On one of the racks rested a platter of perfectly formed, spongy-yellow cupcakes. They didn't have nice, wax-paper holders... but there was only so much one person could do.
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Post by Aubrey on Oct 13, 2009 0:41:46 GMT -5
Aubrey slipped on a loose t-shirt and jeans, then kicked the camo bag underneath the bunk bed. Pulling the strands of hair from the collar of her shirt, she nodded quietly. "Sure, sure. Makes sense." Aubrey could still feel the vivid relief of sighting Vegas after so many days of walking through the desert, the exhilaration of finally seeing friendly faces and a safe place to rest. She was beyond pure gratitude for their hospitality.
The gritty desert sand shifted beneath her feet as she followed Suji out of the barracks and towards the kitchen. The whole place felt sleepy, the only sound being the singing of crickets somewhere further off. "Thanks," She said, flashing a bright smile as Suji held the door open for her. Entering, Aubrey blinked a few times before her eyes adjusted to the lights. Her mouth dropped open slightly, genuinely surprised at the sight.
"Oh wow! This is really cool!" Aubrey moved forward to inspect some of the baking supplies, tracing her fingers down the page of one of the cookbooks. "I haven't baked cupcakes in years, it feels. Back in Australia, and not since my old man..." Aubrey bit her lip, brows furrowing. Her father had been one of those dads that liked to do some of the cooking, and he always loved to wear goofy aprons while doing it. Even after all these years, it was easy to remember his easy smile while he showed her how to cook, his infectious laugh. Silently, Aubrey concentrated a little too hard on the book, pressing her hand down against the paper.
After a moment, she glanced back up to Suji, the memory of old ghosts chased from her expression and a large smile finally breaking across her face. "I'll try my hand at frosting first. Is there a sink somewhere in here to wash up?"
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Post by Suji on Oct 13, 2009 0:56:16 GMT -5
Suji smiled and dropped her gaze to the floor when Aubrey seemed genuinely, pleasantly surprised by the scene. Suji had never been a particularly shy person, but she was quietly aware that this was likely not something anyone would have expected her to do, and that made her a little self-conscious. But this was meant to be carefree; besides, she didn't have to be all serious anymore. She was finished with the war. She could just be a teenager amongst teenagers for whatever brief time she had left.
When it seemed like Aubrey was going through her own past, Suji stayed silent, but busied herself with removing the next couple of batches of cupcakes from the two ovens she had heated. There was an entire row of them -- probably about six -- but each oven held at least two racks, and she figured that using any more of them would have crossed the line from controlled chaos to pure madness. Which is probably going to happen once the decorating starts anyway...
The new sets she removed were not yellow like the cooled set: one was the sort of florescent pink of artificial strawberry, and another easily recognizable as chocolate. She set them both on cooling racks.
"Frosting? Sure. The tubs of it are kind of dusty, but I think there are different kinds, and there was a lot of food coloring if you're feeling really creative. The sinks-" Suji walked around so that she could point to the other side of the kitchen. "There are a few over there. The one in the corner works the best, the water is kind of muddy in some of them, or they spray you when you turn them on."
That said, she went over to one of the mixing bowls, and started to pour out another tin's worth of cupcake mix into a new baking mold.
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Post by Aubrey on Oct 13, 2009 1:35:55 GMT -5
"Right-o," She responded cheerfully. Even if this didn't really seem like something Suji would do, Aubrey was ready to roll with it. After all the heavy things that had happened only some time previous, it was nice to do something that didn't always have peril written in the fine print. Not that seemingly innocent activities didn't sometimes turn out more dangerous than expected--for example, the vent. Aubrey still had nightmares of being spun around in a web, seconds away from being turned into a spider smoothie. All for a tiny, rubber ball. Aubrey headed over to the sink Suji had pointed towards, only giving a cursory glance for some soap. Finding none, she reached over to turn the handle. Nothing happened, and so she turned it further until it would have been on full blast. Somewhere deep in the piping she could hear a tiny rumble, then a spray of water hissed out from the faucet. Then stopped. Turning her head sideways, and holding her hands expectantly under the faucet, she waited. There was another hiss of water, then a swift, brief explosion of water that quickly turned into a steady stream. Aubrey flinched away at first, sprayed by the short blast of water, then relaxed. The water was freezing cold, and Aubrey shifted back and forth on the heels of her feet, the uncomfortable sensation of icy water biting the flesh of her hands. Drying her hands on a nearby rag, Aubrey grabbed one of the cooling batches of cupcakes off the rack. With that in hand, she headed towards the frosting vats and set the cupcakes on the table. Using the excess of her loose shirt as an impromptu rag, she wiped some of the dust from the vat. Then, as she popped open one of the lids to the frosting, she began humming lightly. There was a healthy selection of spatulas at her disposal, and she picked a nice, new looking white one. Sneaking a furtive glance over at Suji, and making sure she was distracted, Aubrey fished out a small portion of frosting with the spatula and swiped it off with her finger. Quickly tasting it--she couldn't help it, she loved frosting--she wiped her hand against her jeans and then resumed her 'job'. Scooping out a nice chunk of vanilla frosting, she used the spatula to begin spreading it across the yellow cupcake tops. |
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Post by Suji on Oct 15, 2009 16:04:20 GMT -5
Suji had somewhere between 15 and 20 minutes before this batch of cupcakes would be done. She looked over at Aubrey, who was frosting the first set, and watched the blonde girl silently for a while. It was strange to see an Animorph -- or anyone, really, now -- doing something so... unnecessary. Stranger still to be a part of it, let alone to orchestrate it. It wasn't bad, though.
"I'm going to go get the guys," she finally said. "Mind if I take those two?" Suji gestured towards two of the finished cupcakes. "Might ease the pain of getting out of bed. I should have frosted one to bring to you, but I was afraid that someone would wander in if I stayed to do it..." Suji smiled a little awkwardly. "The idea of being walked in on making cupcakes alone was a lot less bearable than if I had someone along with me." It was the truth, even if it didn't make much sense.
When it didn't seem like Aubrey was going to object, Suji carefully picked up the two cupcakes. Hopefully she wouldn't run into any of the non-Dallas people on the way there: the jig would certainly be up. "I'll be back in a few. There should be a timer ready to go off to check on the next batch, if I'm not back in time. Shouldn't be long though."
With that, Suji headed back towards the barracks, to the side where she remembered Drake sleeping. Opening the door was a little tricky, but she managed, without crushing the cupcakes too badly. She "knocked" on one of the nearby bunk beds, then quickly hid both of the cupcakes behind her back.
"Drake?"
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Post by Drake on Oct 20, 2009 2:34:22 GMT -5
(OOC: Sorry it took me so long to respond. I got no excuse.)
Drake was having the most wonderful dream. He was flitting around on wing made of little more than dust. And with those wings he was flying toward a brilliant, warm light. Bright as the sun. He tried to fly toward it, but he would get a little off course and have to correct his flight path. This caused him to move in a spiral pattern, the spiral tightening and tightening until finally he hit the light with a knock.
Drake's eyes opened lazily. He stretched as he glanced over to where he saw Suji standing in the dark. Through a yawn he asked, "What's up? Can't sleep?" He was remembering the last time she had visited him in the night and was wondering if she wanted him to walk her back to her room again. It had bean a bit awkward, but at the same time... nice.
Then through squinted eyes, he noticed that she had her hands behind her back. "What are you up to?" he asked in mock suspicion.
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Post by Suji on Oct 20, 2009 12:12:23 GMT -5
Suji smiled as Drake woke up, watching him stretch before making herself look away.
"What are you up to?"
She smirked, somewhat mischievously. "Come here and see." She made sure that he wouldn't be able to see what she was holding. "I come bearing gifts," Suji added.
I hope no one's allergic to anything, Suji thought absently. She was pretty sure no one from Dallas was, for that matter. They hadn't eaten too many group meals together, but no one had ever said anything about it. As for Vegas, she didn't remember anyone having any allergies either. Besides, there wasn't anything particularly deadly in the cupcakes. No peanut butter or anything.
"Also, I wanted to see if you'd want to participate in a surprise for the Vegas people."
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Post by Drake on Oct 21, 2009 0:15:47 GMT -5
Gift? Now Drake really was suspicious. Why would Suji wake him up in the middle of the night to give him a gift? He was thoroughly perplexed, but also extremely curious. He began climbing down from the bunk bed as Suji continued to talk. A surprise for the Vegas people, eh? What was she up to?
"Alright, so what is it?" Drake held out his hands palm up and closed his eyes. Then he cracked one eye open and a smirk crossed his face. "And what are we doing for the Las Vagans?" Drake felt a hint of mental discomfort when he didn't include himself in the Las Vegas group. Not so much because it was his original faction, but because he had grown up in that city.
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Post by Suji on Oct 21, 2009 19:04:48 GMT -5
"Something sweet," Suji said dryly, placing one of the yellow-cake-vanilla-frosting cupcakes in center of his up-turned hands. She smirked up at him a little as if to admit to the horrible pun.
"I set the stuff up, Aubrey's in the kitchen frosting more of them now. I think I know the corner of the barracks that Fin's staked out, I figure we can round him up next." Suji held up the second cupcake. "These were to entice you guys that it was worth your while," she said, smiling.
"So, interested? If you aren't, I suppose you can keep the cupcake anyway, but you'll be missing out on the more experimental flavors."
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Post by Drake on Oct 22, 2009 1:21:28 GMT -5
Drake was wide awake as soon as the cupcake hit his hand. The thought of tasting that sweet sweet frosting would have been able to bring him out of a coma. It had been so long since he had eaten any good home-cooked food. At least food that was a treat and not for pure survival. Sure, there were times when he had had the opportunity to make something good to eat, but his laziness always managed to get the better of him at those times.
But since Suji and Aubrey had already started this project, now was not one of those times. "If there are more cupcakes in it for me, I'm there. Just, umm. You can go get Fin. I gotta get into my chef outfit, if you catch my drift," Drake said, gesturing at the clothes he had worn to bed. "I'll meet you there."
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Post by Suji on Oct 24, 2009 18:22:21 GMT -5
"Sure," Suji replied, glad to see that he wanted to participate. "See you there," she said, and then turned to leave. It was a lot less awkward than the other night, but then again, what she was asking was really strange or anything. At least, not strange in the way the other night had been.
Making sure not to crush the cupcake in her hand, she made her way to where she'd seen Fin camp out. She hadn't really talked to him since they'd gotten back -- she hadn't really talked to many people in general, and talking to Fin about what had happened had not exactly been something she'd been looking forward to. Part of her almost hoped he wouldn't be around, just to avoid the initial awkwardness of waking him up in the middle of the night. Who knows what he was going to think in that couple moments before she could explain?
She came over to the space he'd claimed, and knocked on one of the bunk beds like she'd done with Drake and Aubrey. "Fin? You there?"
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