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Post by Suji on Aug 25, 2009 0:57:15 GMT -5
Suji awoke into darkness. For a moment she wasn't sure who she was. As she lay on the bed, it came back to her slowly. Her mind, usually so neatly kept and ordered, felt ransacked. Everything was strewn about, some things broken, others missing, nothing in the right place. But the ability to recognize that, and start putting it aright, was an improvement, that was for sure.
Slowly she rebuilt what must have happened in the past days and hours. As she pushed herself into a sitting position at the head of the bed, she felt the tug of something on her arm, and touching it lightly told her it was an IV of some sort. There was a dim light coming from the emergency exit over the infirmary door, but it was red, and therefore didn't provide much illumination.
Vegas. She must have gotten to Vegas. And she couldn't have done it alone. Fin must have helped her. And then... well... someone had to be alive. Alive enough to take care of her. Something impossibly large pushed up in Suji's throat: gratitude and guilt. And, for perhaps the first time since she made the call to leave one of her own behind in the Hive, fear. She was scared. More terrified than she'd ever been. Because she was alive, and because it was all, finally, going to catch up to her.
It'd been close when Liam arrived. The Dam, killing him, infesting Jack...
Then leaving Fin.
And what was more: getting him back.
Suji closed her eyes, head hanging down, her shoulders slumped, and her hands in her lap, palms up in dejection.
It happened very fast from there: she felt wetness on her wrists, her fingertips. Soon she was crying, tears that had been pent up since before the war began -- perhaps long before.
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Post by Drake on Aug 25, 2009 2:42:57 GMT -5
Drake pushed open the door to the infirmary quietly. He wasn't sure why. He wanted Suji to wake up, so it didn't make much sense to try not to wake her by opening a door. He pondered that thought as he made his way toward the room where Suji was laying. He wanted to check in on her before he went to bed.
He turned on a small desk lamp so he could see and was surprised at what he did see. It was Suji. Sitting up. Awake.
"You're awake!" Drake said, stating the obvious. He stared at her for a moment, shocked. He had begun to think she might never wake up. Sure, it had only been a day or so, but it had felt like so much longer.
Drake was at a loss for words but eventually managed to sputter something out. "So, uh... yeah." He could see that tears had been escaping from her eyes, but he didn't know why. And frankly, it seemed they all had a million reasons to cry lately.
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Post by Suji on Aug 25, 2009 3:11:22 GMT -5
Suji heard a door open and then a light clicked on. She looked up, eyes bleary, and couldn't even tell who was standing there, still adjusting to the sudden shift in light. She rubbed them fiercely for a moment, look at Drake, and then rubbed them some more.
He was alive. He made it. Aubrey? Sophie? Andre? Aida? Zane?
Too much. Too much, she thought. Just looking at Drake through her blurry vision, she felt herself take a deep, gasping breath of air. It felt like she'd been holding her breath since leaving him and the others to go after Fin, and now, for the first time, some of the tightness around her chest began to loosen.
It's going to really suck if this is another hallucination... Suji thought to herself, eyes still watering over with tears. It was hard to believe that he could really be there, but she wanted to believe it, very, very much.
"Drake?" Her voice warbled a little, thick. She didn't know what else to say, and her tongue felt heavy in her mouth. "Am I in Vegas? ...did Dallas...?" She bit down on her bottom lip, hard.
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Post by Drake on Aug 25, 2009 3:55:02 GMT -5
Drake was unsure of what to do. Should he stay here and keep her company? Should he go get someone? He couldn't imagine just leaving her sitting in the dim light of a recovery room, so he opted to stay. And when Suji said his name, he stepped up to the corner of her bed.
"Yeah, you're in Vegas. You made it," he said softly. "It's good to have you back." He purposefully kept off the subject of Dallas, specifically Andre and all the other people who died there. Instead he sat down next to her and put his arm over her shoulder.
"Ya know, we all though you were a goner. You and Fin." A thin smile crossed his face. "It's good to see that we were wrong. You're one tough cookie."
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Post by Suji on Aug 25, 2009 4:04:18 GMT -5
Suji's eyes went wide when he said that she had made it, and then she quickly closed them. She'd meant to try to stem the flow of the tears, but it didn't work. Her eyes were still closed when he sat down beside her and she felt the bed dip slightly. She didn't trust her ability to manage words, keeping her sobs as minimal as possible instead. He put his arm over her shoulder and she felt herself shaking underneath it with the effort of trying to keep herself calm.
She smiled weakly at her lap when he said they thought she was a goner. Then he called her a tough cookie, and that was it: the tiniest bit too much, the weight that tipped the scale. Suji couldn't help the wracking sob that went through her, her hands balled into fists as she tucked her chin to her chest.
"I-I," she took a breath between sobs, "I'm s-so sorry, Drake, I s-shouldn't have left, left any of you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She raised her hands up, burying her face against her palms.
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Post by Drake on Aug 26, 2009 1:04:15 GMT -5
Drake squeezed Suji a bit tighter when she began to sob. What was he supposed to do? He wasn't used to situations as awkward as this. He was going to ask what was wrong, but she told him before he could even get a word out. She was upset about leaving them behind.
"What have you got to apologize for? If anything, I should be apologizing to you. I was sitting around telling Zane stories while you were out actually trying to do something about our problems. And you did do something about our problems. You rescued Fin and escaped Dallas in one piece." An image of a dead Suji strapped to a post flashed to the front of Drakes mind before being quickly shoved to the side once again. "No harm, no foul. Don't sweat it."
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Post by Suji on Aug 26, 2009 20:23:27 GMT -5
Suji let Drake tighten his arm around her, and she felt herself curl slightly into him. She was trembling, knees pulled close to her body. Her sobs quieted a little as she listened, face still in her hands.
"No, you did the smart thing, the right thing. Leaving was... was stupid and dangerous. I should have stayed with you. The best I could have really hoped for was... was... getting myself killed. I could have given the Yeerks not one, but two Animorph hosts. And I spent time in New York, which I don't think... don't think Fin has. They could have known everything, the codes to the blood vault, the box location-" Suji's voice became more and more strained as she continued, obviously upsetting herself.
She dug her fingertips into her temples and forehead, enough that she could distantly feel her nails pressing into her skin. Her breathing quickened, and her muscles pulled taut. "...and now... now it probably doesn't even matter. That's the worst part. Even if I had royally messed everything up, it wouldn't matter, because the whole city is gone."
After a pause, and a gulp, she asked, in a slightly more level voice: "Who... who else made it?" Suji braced herself.
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Post by Drake on Aug 27, 2009 1:57:10 GMT -5
Drake stared at a pair of random boots sitting net to the wall as Suji gave her reasons for why her choice of action was wrong. How it could have had disastrous consequences. And as much as he hated to admit it, she was absolutely right. Going back for Fin was a stupid and risky move that could have doomed them all. No way did the potential gain (Fin) outweigh the risks.
But...
Drake had nothing. No way to justify Suji's actions. Even so, he couldn't bring himself to scold her for what she had done. Not even in his mind. It just... it was a weird thing to feel.
Drake was almost glad when Suji broke his mind off of that train of thought by asking about who else made it. Almost. "Everyone at the Temple made it out of Dallas. Except... Well, except for Andre." He just blurt it out. No sense lying to her or keep her wondering. Best to get it out in the open now.
The boots he was still staring at became blurry tears began to well up in Drake's eyes, but he was used to it by now. His sobs had stopped long ago, but the memories of those lost that day were still fresh enough to bring tears to his eyes.
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Post by Suji on Aug 27, 2009 14:29:27 GMT -5
Suji felt a weight lift off of her when he said that everyone made it. But then... well, there was a exception. Of course there was. Suji sighed. Andre... they'd saved them when they'd "saved" Jack, and it seemed like that was when so many of the different problems had really set in for Dallas. But Andre had been good; even if they hadn't known him that long, he'd been caring, considerate, and had seemed trustworthy. All that even in the face of the knowledge that he could not wield the same power that they did, the sort of weapon that had a way of extending one's life, when joining the fight for humanity otherwise shortened it.
"Because he couldn't morph," Suji said quietly, less a question that a statement. Of course. There had been a forcefield, and their group must have flown over it as well. And what was more... what was more, morphing seemed to give them the ability to shirk off the virus. Even if he had escaped... Suji closed her eyes tightly. She didn't want to think down that path. Bad enough that he hadn't made it.
She couldn't exactly see Drake's tears, it was too dim and she was frightened that if she looked him in the eyes she'd get started on another set of wracking sobs. She was still crying freely, though at least less noticeably now. His body did seem to shift a bit, going still in the way that people seemed to do when they were upset. Suji leaned to the side so that she could work an arm around his back, and when she leaned back against him, she lightly rested her head on his shoulder.
"I'm done with the war, Drake." She wasn't quite sure how else to say it. "I can't do it any more. I'm not... I'm not the person I thought I could be, I guess."
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Post by Drake on Aug 28, 2009 1:11:17 GMT -5
Drake sat there for a long moment. He didn't move, he didn't talk, he just sat there in silence, next to Suji. He didn't expect a warrior like Suji to say that she quit, but it didn't exactly surprise him. At least not until he realized she was actually serious and not just saying it. When he figured that out, he just couldn't think of a response to it.
"Oh." The idea of quitting the war seemed almost like a dream to Drake. No matter how hard you wished for it to be real, it was still just a dream that you would wake up from. So to hear Suji say that she was quitting, and mean it, was as if the impossible happened. Ridiculous.
"But..." Still nothing. Drake let out a large sigh. "Figures," Drake said in quiet disappointment, "just when I become the person I never thought I could be, you find out you can't become the person you thought you could. How is that for irony?" The slightest hint of a smile tugged at the corner of Drake's mouth, but other than that there was no emotion left on his face. It had all just... disappeared.
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Post by Suji on Aug 28, 2009 2:32:18 GMT -5
Suji did look over at him now, only slightly turning her head, her eyes moving more than anything else. Her face was wet with tears, and biting her bottom lip only held so many fresh ones back. "Oh," he said, and Suji felt herself cringe inwardly. But what else could he say? That's great? Good idea? That might be considered treason or at least defecting in some places, but it's fine by me?
"Just when I become the person I never thought I could be, you find out you can't become the person you thought you could. How is that for irony?"
Her brow furrowed in concern. How could she reply? What had he had to do to get them out? And she'd left them all. She was the one that was supposed to protect them, wasn't she? Sure they'd both been Seconds, but anyone there would have vouched that Suji would take lead before Drake would -- naturally, without any scuffle on either of their parts. She should have been there. She was supposed to be the one that was around to soak up the fallout for the worst decisions, the grittiest ones that had to be made, that weren't pretty but saved the most lives: numbers, numbers, numbers...
But she'd left. She'd bugged out to go on a suicide mission that had somehow resulted in a successful rescue and escape. Drake had to live with the knowledge that he'd have done whatever it took to get most of them out alive, and she had to live knowing that she'd let that weight come down on his shoulders.
So this is what it feels like, Suji thought in the back of her mind, To look at me when I'm that near and that far away. Her chest tightened and her guts knotted.
Slowly, Suji rose her free hand. She touched his face lightly, trying to direct his gaze on hers. "Whatever you did, you did the right thing." God, she hated when people said that to her, hated it because it was always so easy to see all the things you did wrong, or all the right things you didn't do, even if you still did everything you could.
But it was earnest, and she believed it, and she wanted him to understand that she believed it.
"You saved those that you could. You protected your faction. You didn't sell your soul in the process," her mouth twitched, in a sharp mixture of humor and (mostly) pain, "unless there's something I should know." She brushed her thumb across his cheek, trying to smile at him, though with the tears in her eyes it was a fairly pitiful sight.
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Post by Drake on Aug 29, 2009 15:50:24 GMT -5
Drake looked Suji in the eyes as best he could when she directed his gaze. He couldn't help but smile at her words. It was a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. Perhaps he didn't do the right thing, but if he had to do it all over again, he probably would have done everything the same. And he didn't feel as if he had sold his soul either. And he was very thankful for that.
"No, there's nothing you should know. Nothing vital anyway." Drake was thinking about how they had gone to Sootman's and the fact that Aida had left. "Lets just forget about the past for a while, and lets not worry about the future. Now seems like the important thing at the moment. Lets just... forget." Drake gave another smile, more genuine this time. The yeerks could wait. The animorphs could wait. This whole war could stand to be put on hold for a while. They needed a vacation.
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Post by Suji on Aug 29, 2009 21:43:09 GMT -5
Forgetting sounded good enough for Suji. Only Drake made it sound more... temporary than Suji would have it. Still, better than nothing. She smiled weakly. "I'll take that."
She seemed to realize that she was touching his face, and the fact that she felt a bit of embarrassed heat rising in her cheeks meant that she was at least in her right mind enough to care about something so trivial (as compared to exploding cities). Awkwardly she brought her hand down to her lap, and hesitated about where it would be appropriate to look. Eventually she settled between flicking her eyes from his face to away and back again.
"It'll be nice being back in Vegas, I guess. Better than other places. Lots of space." Her eyes drifted to his again, and stuck there. "You get your old room? No fresh recruits steal it out from under you?" She smirked.
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Post by Jullian on Aug 31, 2009 4:13:49 GMT -5
 Luce turned over in her bed and sat up quickly, slightly panicked. She looked around her and saw nothing but darkness and felt the stillness in the air that told her she was in an enclosed space. She never slept in a bed or in a room if she could help it, except when she was at Sedra's, so she was understandably confused. After a moment she remembered where she was and she laid back down, taking deep breathes. Maybe she should start making a habit of sleeping on the floor if she was going to be here often. She rolled out of bed, literally, and dropped to the floor, landing on all fours. There was no purpose to the action, she just enjoyed the feeling of falling and the impact with the ground helped wake her up a bit more. She pushed off the ground and stood up slowly, stretching stiff muscles before looking around the spare infirmary room she had chosen to crash in. She probably would have chosen to try to curl up on the too small couch in Suji's room so that Suji wouldn't wake up alone ( if she woke up at all Luce thought darkly before pushing it away) but after her talk with Drake they had agreed to take turns keeping an eye on Suji. Luce found she trusted Drake to keep his word and had retired to this room when she felt like she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore. She didn't know what time of day it was and there was no natural light to giver her a clue since it was dark inside the room because it had no external windows. She walked over to the door and let herself out, heading towards Suji's room. Luce had woken up hungry but she wanted to check on Suji before heading towards the mess hall. As she approached the door she heard muffled voices coming from the room beyond and quickened her step. She almost burst into the room, wanting to see if Suji's voice was one of the ones she was hearing, but at the last minute she remembered manners and knocked softly on the door instead. "Drake?" she asked, not daring to use the name she really wanted to ask about.  ((Entering after an IM convo with Drake. Let me know if I shouldn't though.)) |
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Post by Drake on Sept 1, 2009 1:14:40 GMT -5
A smirk crossed Drake's face and he was about to answer Suji's question when he heard a knock. "Drake?" he heard Luce's voice ask. He had almost forgotten that there were even other animorphs on the base. Drake quickly sat up straighter and pulled away from Suji a bit. He felt his cheeks turn red for some reason. It felt as if he just gotten caught doing something he shouldn't have been doing.
"Yeah, we're in here, Luce. You'll never guess who is awake!" He turned and smiled at Suji. He was fairly certain that she would like to see Luce after all that had happened. After all, they were old friends, right? And Luce was the one who did the majority of the care-taking.
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