Post by Admin on Sept 23, 2009 18:52:52 GMT -5
Fin:
Fin raised his hand to knock on Aida's door and then dropped it back to his side. His fingers traced the stitching in his jeans as if they were the most fascinating thing they had ever been graced to touch and he stood there, one foot behind the other, eyes darkened by fear.
He had dreaded coming here but he knew he had to come. Matthias was leaving for the faction meeting soon and Aida might go with him and this would be his last chance to tell her.
He hadn't told anyone yet but Fin was going to leave. He had thought of asking Matthias to let him go, but what was the point. He knew what it would look like, him leaving. It would look like cowardice and maybe that was what it was a bit.
He was afraid. He felt like something was stalking him, watching him. It was as if that one exposure to the eye had meant that it would ever after know where he was.
But if it had been just once he may have been able convince himself that he hadn't fallen into a game that he was far too small to play. But then it had come a second time, in the air, with Matthias.
And to make it worse Fin felt like he was being ripped apart. His mind still had two very distinct memories of what had happened to Tisoc and the reality of both was undeniable. Only logic made him say that the eye had indeed killed the yeerk. But his memory didn't back that up. Or it did.
His hands now strayed to his head, one on each side, fingers buried in his own brown tangle of hair as if he was trying to hold his head together. There could not be two realities and yet there were. And it was slowly driving Fin mad.
He had to get away, try to put himself back together again, try to make the two realities one again.
But he would not leave Aida, or at least he would not leave without saying goodbye. And a part of him, the small part where whatever romanticism was left to him resided, had a vain hope that just seeing her would make things ok again, somehow, because he loved her and love always conquered all in the stories.
He knocked on the door.
Aida:
Aida had been in her room again, something she was doing more and more often despite the talk with Matthias. She was being distant with people, she was closing up and locking down, and nothing was stopping it. Nightmares had return and only gotten worse since Tisoc's death, and the entire matter still had her ripping her hair out. Similar to Fin, she was going insane with two separate realities, though Matthias had told her of a deity. Crayak. It still didn't help much though, it was hard to believe in something she couldn't see, something she had felt. All in all she was fairly certain she was losing her marbles.
Fin was gone, well not gone literally but gone from her day to day life. She had not spoken with him since the incident with Tisoc, not by her own choice either....he just always seemed to not be around when she was. The fact that she rarely left her room might have been a problem too. Ah, Fin, she missed him more than she realized, but her mind was so scattered it was hard to focus on one pain. So many things were causing her to crumble now, it was hard to distinguish one from the other. The trip to New York would do her good.
So there she was, watching her marbles roll away--figuratively of course--when there was a knock on her door. Last time it was Matthias, but something in the pit of her stomach told her it wasn't him this time. She sat up and pulled herself into the corner of her bed, wrapping her arms around her legs before responding. "Come in." Her voice didn't sound like her own, it was tired, scared, and resigned.
Fin:
Fin kinda of slid into the room, that was the only way to describe it. As he opened the door a crack and sidestepped through the small opening, keeping his back to the wall, he looked like he was going into a room where a dangerous element was reported to dwell and was trying to defend himself. The only difference between the two entrances was that Fin wasn't looking wildly around, trying to spot the danger before it spotted him. Instead his eyes were firmly fixed on the floor and the toes of his converse shoes. He didn't need to look around to see the danger, he knew exactly where it was. It was inside an 18 year old young woman who had made him want to be more than he thought he could be.
"Hi, Aida."
Fin:
Aida's eyes were transfixed on the door, and Fin's entrance was anything but normal, which was expected. He was pressed so close to the wall that it looked like he feared she was going to lash out and bite him. Fin refused to look at her, and her lips quivered for a moment before she pressed them into a tight line and glanced away. In truth Aida too was all the way on the other side of the room, curled up in her respective corner. Had anyone walked in on this they would have probably found it slightly comical, but it was anything but to her.
Finally some words, an exchange, the first since Tisoc and Aida felt the urge to jump from her bed and throw her arms around him. It was an urge that surprised even her, and her arms twitch slightly from the position around her legs, and it took a moment to regain normal thinking again. "...Hullo...Fin," she replied, her English accent peeking through a bit. Her brown eyes were still averted, and she was staring at a string on her blanket, one stray string in the mass of stitching before her.
"Haven't....talked in a while..." she added more quietly. That meant one thing, it meant he was here because something happened, or was going to happen. Aida felt nervous, though it could have just been her paranoid side coming out...she was feeling more and more crazy as the days went on. "Are..you okay?"
Fin:
"Yeah I'm ok. Well no, I'm not. But I'm alive and any day spent above the ground is a good one right?" He finally looked up at her and it was the first time he'd seen her since Tisoc had died and his mind had split in two. And what he was afraid of happening happened, as he knew it would, as he was helpless to stop.
He felt like...he felt like he wanted to spouting song lyrics or something. He felt like he would do anything to make her laugh or even smile. And it hurt him to see her so upset and frightened. He would have put himself between her and that fear if he could.
A small part of him that was watching all this laughed cruelly. He was lost now. He had tried so hard to stop from being in a place that would make him disregard his own safety, put someone else's happiness above his own. But here he had ended up anyway. It's ka, like the wind. And just as King had described it so long ago it had swept away all his plans.
"Aida," he began and then stopped, searching for exactly what he wanted to say, "I'm so-" but that wasn't really what he wanted to say. His body, which he had been holding so tightly now sagged against the wall and he closed his eyes, a hand coming up to cover them as he searched for the strength to say what was important, what needed to be said.
He surprised himself when he found it. He pushed himself off the wall and if he wasn't standing as if he was ready to go charging off into battle, he was at least standing without any support, feet solidly on the ground and eyes clear as he looked at her.
"Aida, I just needed to tell you...I don't know what's going to happen or anything or where we're-" with every word he was losing determination so he cut himself off for the fourth time since he'd come into the room and started again.
"Aida. I love you."
Aida:
Aida was looking away and so didn't catch when he finally glanced up at her. She was still wholeheartedly focused on that one stray string, and now she had freed one of her hands to begin tugging at it absently. His words made her pause though, and she forced her gaze up and nodded slowly, "Another day spent breathing is a good one..yeah," she agreed quietly. This was not exactly true, something she'd realize later because today was not a good day...and she was breathing. No day since Tisoc's death had been a good one and as far as she knew she was still alive.
Once again she looked away, focusing herself on other things when he began speaking again, or rather fumbling for words. This caught her attention again, and he had her warm brown eyes fixed on him, noting his defeated stance. What is he trying to say? she wanted to voice this aloud, but she was afraid any sound from her might make him stop. Fin must have found what he was grasping for because soon he was standing up tall, and Aida's eyes widened slightly. She hung on every word he said, leaning forward now anxiously.
Fin paused a few more times, but when she finally did hear his words she almost fell completely forward, and right off her bed. Somehow during the entire conversation she had edged closer and closer to the end of her mattress. Aida gripped the sides tightly for support and felt her face heat up, a pink color filling her once pale toned cheeks. "Fin...I..." her voice was barely a whisper, and finally she met his gaze. Aida didn't know, didn't know what she felt, didn't know if she had just imagined those words. Was this even real? For a split second she almost pinched herself to see if she was dreaming, but no, this was real, the way her heart was thumping in her chest gave proof to that.
Slowly and slightly shakily she got to her feet and took a step towards Fin, but then paused. Looking at her he probably couldn't read her face, he was probably confused beyond all belief...especially after saying that, but she couldn't say anything, at least not yet. When they were less then a few inches apart and she could look into his eyes she finally spoke, her voice barely a whisper, "Fin...I...I love you too." It was in that moment, that she finally understood. Her hands felt useless sitting at her sides, and she felt another inexplicable urge, one that wanted her to wrap them around his neck, but she didn't. Instead she got up on the tips of her toes and pecked him quickly on the lips before nearly jumping back, her hands behind her back in an nervous gesture. After this she couldn't meet his gaze, and quickly looked anywhere but at his face.
Fin:
Fin smiled. It was a small smile, a slight twitch of his lips only, but it was genuine. It was not the jester's smile, a mask to hide him from others, to distract them and make them laugh. This smile was real and it was for Aida. But she couldn't see it, she was too busy studying the floor.
He stepped forward, covering the distance she had put between them when she jumped back and standing right next to her he noticed that he was a little taller than her. He had never noticed before.
He raised a tentative hand and his fingers brushed her hair away from her face and caused her to look up, her hazel eyes catching trapping him as they always did. "I'm glad you do," he said softly, the words slipping away into the air, sounding more like a whisper of wind.
Fin was only seventeen years old and many days, many times a day, he felt afraid and unprepared for the situation he found himself in. But in this moment those insecurities were no where to be found and there hung in the air around him the sureness and confidence of the man he might grow up to be for he was speaking to the young woman he loved and there was no truer test of bravery than this.
"I love you Aida," he said before he kissed her.
Aida:
She was studying the floor, and so when his feet were suddenly very closer to hers again she felt her heart rate accelerate a tenfold. A hand brushing away her hair finally gave her the bravery to look up and into the face of the boy she'd been too blind to realize she loved. Aida was always the last to know about her own feelings. Then he spoke, and her lips turned up in a gentle smile, it took her a few minutes to even realize it. All her troubles had somehow melted into the background, all that mattered right now was Fin, he had her full attention.
It was a little difficult to say at first, not that she didn't feel that way, it was just foreign to her, but the second time she had it down pat. "I love you you too Fin." His face got closer to hers, and then there lips met for the second time that day, only this time her arms instinctively wrapped around his neck, playing with the hair on the back of his head as they kissed. He was actually her first, her first kiss first romantic interaction ever, but it felt so...natural, so....right. One might be as daring as to even say perfect.
Aida was a shy creature, one that kept away from the limelight, but since meeting Fin she found herself wanting to step into that spotlight, to get his attention. The bad thing was she never acted on it, until he was in danger, and she put herself out there, she took charge and helped save him. That was the moment she realized how important he was to her, and now was the moment she realized she loved him. The kiss grew deeper before she finally pulled away, her face still lingering close to his, so close she could feel his breath. A slow smile crept across her face, things were perfect, but that meant something would ruin it soon. Perfection never lasts long.
She was breathless, and that showed through with her simple response of, "Wow." Her eyes held his gaze, a smile still on her face as she regained her head. It was hard to think straight with him still that close to her. Part of her mind was coming back though, and it wanted to know why now, why after all that time of silence would he say this? Aida couldn't bring herself to ruin the moment though, she didn't want to....but...
"Fin...wh-why....why now?" all that silence only lead up to this, it didn't quite fit.
Fin:
"Yes Gary, why now." The words floated by him made of green smoke. As they drifted apart Fin looked up and saw...himself. Or not himself, but a distorted version of himself standing in the room behind Aida, there to be seen by his eyes alone. The Fin copy stood nonchalantly in the room with the unconscious grace that Fin himself possessed, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt but even though that was the most normal thing about him even those were slightly wrong. They looked like the idea of clothes, as if a child had tried to draw jeans and a t-shirt. They in fact looked like a cartoon, the whole apparition looked like a cartoon.
Its eyes shown with yellow light and had slit-pupils instead of having human irises. The face was slightly distorted as if it had been stretched a bit lengthwise. But the most horrible thing about him was the smile. The grin was like an open wound spanning the thing's face, threatening to split the head in two. And the teeth that shown out from that grin were white and sharp, like fangs.
As he saw Fin looking at him the horrible grin grew wider if possible, more maniacle. "Why don't you tell her little Gary? Tell her that you don't really love her. Just words, just words. Just LIES." As it spoke its tongue slipped in and out of its mouth, a green and purple striped snake.
Fin gave no indication that he was looking at the unwelcome guest of his dreams, a grinning demon straight out of Tim Burton's imagination...or Fin's. Just his imagination.
"Am I? You know better Gary. Doesn't matter if I'm in your head cause I'm in your head." The thing winked at him and then began laughing with un-holy joy. Fin looked on and tried not to show his disgust. It was the worse thing about Nightmare-Fin. He wasn't scary, he wasn't threatening, he was just disgusting. It was something you wanted to crush and then scrape off the bottom of your shoe.
"And I'm you. Take a good look Gary, this is who you are," it said motioning towards itself and then giving one of the little bows that Fin was so fond of. Fin wanted to respond, to negate its assertion but then he would look crazy. Maybe he was crazy.
He looked back at Aida before his staring into blank space could be noted as anything more than staring into blank space, lost in thought. "Because Aida, a change is coming, I feel it, don't you? Ever since Tisoc I've been feeling...something...I'm not sure. And, it's just that, I don't know where or how things are going to turn out. And I just wanted you to know."
"Lies." And that was its name. Prince of Lies. "You're name too."
Aida:
Several things happened, none of which she was sure about, but something....was off. Fin wasn't looking at her, well he was, but his eyes were not focused on her, like he was looking past her. Aida felt the strong urge to turn around and see if they were no longer alone, but that would be silly, of course they were alone. Then what? Instead she placed a gentle hand on the side of his face, as if to try and lead him back to her, back to reality. Maybe he was lost in thought, maybe he was dazing off, either way she needed him here, needed to hear his response to the question that had her insides in a knot.
Suddenly he was back, and her brown eyes met his, and instantly hers clouded over with fear again. Aida had always been horrible at hiding her emotions, they always were clearly displayed for all to see, one of the reasons she stayed away from others in general. When people could see how you felt, they hurt you, always did and always would. It was the one constant thing in her life. Would Fin hurt her too? Not purposely....or so she hoped, prayed, wished.
Aida dropped her hand from his cheek, letting it rest on his shoulder as she looked away for a moment. "I feel a change," she whispered, and then looked up and into his eyes, "It's more than just Tisoc," she fought back tears that brimmed lightly in her eyes at the mention of the poor Yeerk. "That....two different memories...one memory haunts my dreams....the other...." she shook her head, tried to shake that crazy away. "But that's not it Fin, it's not is it?" she looked at him. There was something...else...and her mind refused to acknowledge what her heart already knew, he was going to leave.
"Fin...?"
Fin:
Aida's fingers on his skin broke the Prince's spell and when Fin looked down again he was glad that Aida was so close. It made it easier for her to be the only thing he saw. A small, sad smile touched his lips, very un-Fin-like. He didn't like letting things get to him but how could this not get to him. He could almost feel the world shifting around him and he knew that he and Aida were going to be pulled apart by the changes that were coming.
But maybe it was for the best. The part of him that was in charge of keeping him safe, in all ways including emotionally, didn't like Aida very much. It didn't like that caring for her might hurt him and it really didn't like that he would risk his own safety to help ensure hers. It didn't like that at all.
And as she saw through his excuses he realized how close he had let her get, how much she knew about him.
"Fin...?"
Fin...? Fin tried to block out the mocking voice and concentrate on Aida. She was the important one here not the imaginary friend that was no fun at all.
"No, that isn't all." He had his arm's loosely wrapped around her but he stepped away now. Partially because it would be easier to talk to her without the fact that she was so close distracting him. But he also didn't like that Nightmare-Fin had shown up behind her. It was gone now but he felt better putting himself between where it had last been and Aida.
"Listen, don't tell Matthias anything I'm about to tell you ok. I lied to him the other day. He thinks I don't remember what happened in the air and I haven't really told him about how much the whole Tisoc thing has affected me either. I don't-" Fin looked at Aida wondering if insulting Matthias was really the way to go right now and settled on a nicer way of putting what he was going to say. "I don't think he can help and I don't want him involved. But I can't live like this anymore with my head split in two. I don't know how it is affecting you but for me it is like," he didn't have to search for words, he had had this conversation a million times in his head already, "there is one line of my memory stretching back as long as my life has lasted. And then there comes this split and there are two threads that rejoin each other later but there is a bubble now, a gap in my consciousness. And I feel like it is getting bigger."
Ok, so he'd had this conversation before but as so often happens now that it was said out loud he didn't think it made any sense. "Nevermind, what matters is that I can't fix it and I think it has to be fixed. So I'm going to go look for answers after the faction leader's meeting. But I don't think Matthias would let me go. So I haven't told anyone," he looked her in the eye, " 'cept you."
Aida:
The sad smile had caught her off guard, and it surprised her how much she disliked it. When Fin smiled she was usually filled with this warmth that made her stomach do small flips, but now it had the opposite effect. Never had someone elses sadness bothered her so much, and she only felt more at a loss when he stepped away from her. Aida's entire body wasn't read to let go, her heart wasn't ready to let go, but unfortunately her mind had control, and it did not move. She stood watching him, her arms moving the wrap around herself instead.
It's not all.....theres more.... her gut clenched, and she almost grabbed her stomach instinctively to make it stop. It was hard to hear his words now, her world slowly fell apart. Aida forced herself to focus on him though, not wanting to completely break down right here and now, no, she would not do that. Fin couldn't see that, he just couldn't. Slowly she nodded, agreeing not to tell Matthias--though that would bother her later. Right now it was all about Fin, and his words hit home. Two consciousnesses, two memories, one manifested in her dreams and the other invaded her head during the day, it had been eating her up inside. None of that mattered now though, he was leaving.
Aida forced her face to stay blank, and this didn't work 100% but it stopped most of her crazy from slipping out. After Fin was finished talking she stood silently before finally looking up at him, "You're going to leave." She knew he was leaving, and she wasn't asking a question merely restating it, allowing it to soak in. "I....have my head split too...and thats why Im traveling to New York....Fin....to clear my head." Aida wasn't leaving, she would return after trying to fix herself, but Fin would be gone. "Are...you going to be gone when I get back?" she asked, her voice almost a whisper now as she cast her eyes elsewhere.
Her words held more meaning than what they may have seemed. Aida was really asking if this was it, if this was their goodbye.
Fin:
"No, I'll be gone." He didn't want to face the hurt in her eyes. He couldn't. He turned away so that he didn't have to look at her but it felt wrong. It just felt like he was abandoning her again. He had sung once for Meredith though really it had been for himself. When there was something that he couldn't express, that he didn't have the words for or the courage to say he sang. Still with his back to her, looking out the window he sang now hesitantly at first though his voice gained confidence as he went.
So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
He was facing Aida now. The music had done what it was supposed to. It had driven away his somber mood for the moment. Yes there were serious things happening soon. But now he was here, with Aida and they were together and she loved him. What else did he need.
She looked sad and afraid, frail. He didn't like seeing that frailty so close to the surface of someone he considered so strong. He hadn't gone far when he pulled away and now it was easy to cover the distance between them and take her in his arms again.
"I don't know where we'll end up Aida, but we're here now."
Aida:
Gone, it echoed inside her, ricocheting off he emptiness that had suddenly engulfed her insides. Aida felt as if some creature had worked it's way through her, somehow clearing out all her organs, like instead of her normal self she was a shell of a person. The only thing that made her realize otherwise was the way her heart thudded painfully in her ribcage, and her arms wrapped themselves tighter around her. Subconsciously it was as if she was trying to hold herself together, and in essence it was truly what she was doing.
Silence for a moment, and then suddenly her arms were wrapped around him, refusing to let go. No, they couldn't be separated now, not after this...after everything....and Fin's voice filled her mind, him telling her he changed his mind, no he wouldn't be leaving. Poof, the daydream slipped away as quickly as it came, and when her brown eyes re focused she was still standing there with her arms around herself, and Fin was now looking at her, singing. Aida's jaw fell open in surprise at the beauty of it.
Fin's arms found their way around her, and this time she knew they were real. Aida reciprocated by wrapping her own around his waist, feeling the warmth of his body pressed against hers. This was a temporary comfort, a way to fill the void that was growing inside her, but she didn't care. "Well...let's make the most of it..." she finally managed to reply. After a moment she raised her head from his chest and pressed her lips gently to his. Aida lingered for a moment before beginning to gently tug him towards her bed, and then she couldn't help but laugh and add, "It's not what it seems."
Soon she had him pulled beside her, and she nestled next to him, resting her head against his chest as her arms wound themselves around his middle. "Will you sing to me?" she asked quietly.
Fin:
Fin lay next to her, her body pressed against his so that he could feel her breathe, feel her heart beat, feel her warmth. He was a little surprised to find he didn't want more than that, that in fact this was more than anything he could have come up with. Just to be together like this, to be next to her, to be with her in this moment. He knew that there was nothing, anywhere in the world, that would be better than this and that made him feel very content.
He didn't know what would happen even a couple of hours from now since he knew Matthias would be leaving soon and taking Aida with him and then Fin would leave soon after. He didn't know where he'd go yet but he needed his own answers.
So there was no happily ever after, only happily ever now that was theirs for a while.
He began to sing softly for her alone.
In this crazy life,
and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you
You make me sing
You're every line
You're every word
You're everything...
Fin raised his hand to knock on Aida's door and then dropped it back to his side. His fingers traced the stitching in his jeans as if they were the most fascinating thing they had ever been graced to touch and he stood there, one foot behind the other, eyes darkened by fear.
He had dreaded coming here but he knew he had to come. Matthias was leaving for the faction meeting soon and Aida might go with him and this would be his last chance to tell her.
He hadn't told anyone yet but Fin was going to leave. He had thought of asking Matthias to let him go, but what was the point. He knew what it would look like, him leaving. It would look like cowardice and maybe that was what it was a bit.
He was afraid. He felt like something was stalking him, watching him. It was as if that one exposure to the eye had meant that it would ever after know where he was.
But if it had been just once he may have been able convince himself that he hadn't fallen into a game that he was far too small to play. But then it had come a second time, in the air, with Matthias.
And to make it worse Fin felt like he was being ripped apart. His mind still had two very distinct memories of what had happened to Tisoc and the reality of both was undeniable. Only logic made him say that the eye had indeed killed the yeerk. But his memory didn't back that up. Or it did.
His hands now strayed to his head, one on each side, fingers buried in his own brown tangle of hair as if he was trying to hold his head together. There could not be two realities and yet there were. And it was slowly driving Fin mad.
He had to get away, try to put himself back together again, try to make the two realities one again.
But he would not leave Aida, or at least he would not leave without saying goodbye. And a part of him, the small part where whatever romanticism was left to him resided, had a vain hope that just seeing her would make things ok again, somehow, because he loved her and love always conquered all in the stories.
He knocked on the door.
Aida:
Aida had been in her room again, something she was doing more and more often despite the talk with Matthias. She was being distant with people, she was closing up and locking down, and nothing was stopping it. Nightmares had return and only gotten worse since Tisoc's death, and the entire matter still had her ripping her hair out. Similar to Fin, she was going insane with two separate realities, though Matthias had told her of a deity. Crayak. It still didn't help much though, it was hard to believe in something she couldn't see, something she had felt. All in all she was fairly certain she was losing her marbles.
Fin was gone, well not gone literally but gone from her day to day life. She had not spoken with him since the incident with Tisoc, not by her own choice either....he just always seemed to not be around when she was. The fact that she rarely left her room might have been a problem too. Ah, Fin, she missed him more than she realized, but her mind was so scattered it was hard to focus on one pain. So many things were causing her to crumble now, it was hard to distinguish one from the other. The trip to New York would do her good.
So there she was, watching her marbles roll away--figuratively of course--when there was a knock on her door. Last time it was Matthias, but something in the pit of her stomach told her it wasn't him this time. She sat up and pulled herself into the corner of her bed, wrapping her arms around her legs before responding. "Come in." Her voice didn't sound like her own, it was tired, scared, and resigned.
Fin:
Fin kinda of slid into the room, that was the only way to describe it. As he opened the door a crack and sidestepped through the small opening, keeping his back to the wall, he looked like he was going into a room where a dangerous element was reported to dwell and was trying to defend himself. The only difference between the two entrances was that Fin wasn't looking wildly around, trying to spot the danger before it spotted him. Instead his eyes were firmly fixed on the floor and the toes of his converse shoes. He didn't need to look around to see the danger, he knew exactly where it was. It was inside an 18 year old young woman who had made him want to be more than he thought he could be.
"Hi, Aida."
Fin:
Aida's eyes were transfixed on the door, and Fin's entrance was anything but normal, which was expected. He was pressed so close to the wall that it looked like he feared she was going to lash out and bite him. Fin refused to look at her, and her lips quivered for a moment before she pressed them into a tight line and glanced away. In truth Aida too was all the way on the other side of the room, curled up in her respective corner. Had anyone walked in on this they would have probably found it slightly comical, but it was anything but to her.
Finally some words, an exchange, the first since Tisoc and Aida felt the urge to jump from her bed and throw her arms around him. It was an urge that surprised even her, and her arms twitch slightly from the position around her legs, and it took a moment to regain normal thinking again. "...Hullo...Fin," she replied, her English accent peeking through a bit. Her brown eyes were still averted, and she was staring at a string on her blanket, one stray string in the mass of stitching before her.
"Haven't....talked in a while..." she added more quietly. That meant one thing, it meant he was here because something happened, or was going to happen. Aida felt nervous, though it could have just been her paranoid side coming out...she was feeling more and more crazy as the days went on. "Are..you okay?"
Fin:
"Yeah I'm ok. Well no, I'm not. But I'm alive and any day spent above the ground is a good one right?" He finally looked up at her and it was the first time he'd seen her since Tisoc had died and his mind had split in two. And what he was afraid of happening happened, as he knew it would, as he was helpless to stop.
He felt like...he felt like he wanted to spouting song lyrics or something. He felt like he would do anything to make her laugh or even smile. And it hurt him to see her so upset and frightened. He would have put himself between her and that fear if he could.
A small part of him that was watching all this laughed cruelly. He was lost now. He had tried so hard to stop from being in a place that would make him disregard his own safety, put someone else's happiness above his own. But here he had ended up anyway. It's ka, like the wind. And just as King had described it so long ago it had swept away all his plans.
"Aida," he began and then stopped, searching for exactly what he wanted to say, "I'm so-" but that wasn't really what he wanted to say. His body, which he had been holding so tightly now sagged against the wall and he closed his eyes, a hand coming up to cover them as he searched for the strength to say what was important, what needed to be said.
He surprised himself when he found it. He pushed himself off the wall and if he wasn't standing as if he was ready to go charging off into battle, he was at least standing without any support, feet solidly on the ground and eyes clear as he looked at her.
"Aida, I just needed to tell you...I don't know what's going to happen or anything or where we're-" with every word he was losing determination so he cut himself off for the fourth time since he'd come into the room and started again.
"Aida. I love you."
Aida:
Aida was looking away and so didn't catch when he finally glanced up at her. She was still wholeheartedly focused on that one stray string, and now she had freed one of her hands to begin tugging at it absently. His words made her pause though, and she forced her gaze up and nodded slowly, "Another day spent breathing is a good one..yeah," she agreed quietly. This was not exactly true, something she'd realize later because today was not a good day...and she was breathing. No day since Tisoc's death had been a good one and as far as she knew she was still alive.
Once again she looked away, focusing herself on other things when he began speaking again, or rather fumbling for words. This caught her attention again, and he had her warm brown eyes fixed on him, noting his defeated stance. What is he trying to say? she wanted to voice this aloud, but she was afraid any sound from her might make him stop. Fin must have found what he was grasping for because soon he was standing up tall, and Aida's eyes widened slightly. She hung on every word he said, leaning forward now anxiously.
Fin paused a few more times, but when she finally did hear his words she almost fell completely forward, and right off her bed. Somehow during the entire conversation she had edged closer and closer to the end of her mattress. Aida gripped the sides tightly for support and felt her face heat up, a pink color filling her once pale toned cheeks. "Fin...I..." her voice was barely a whisper, and finally she met his gaze. Aida didn't know, didn't know what she felt, didn't know if she had just imagined those words. Was this even real? For a split second she almost pinched herself to see if she was dreaming, but no, this was real, the way her heart was thumping in her chest gave proof to that.
Slowly and slightly shakily she got to her feet and took a step towards Fin, but then paused. Looking at her he probably couldn't read her face, he was probably confused beyond all belief...especially after saying that, but she couldn't say anything, at least not yet. When they were less then a few inches apart and she could look into his eyes she finally spoke, her voice barely a whisper, "Fin...I...I love you too." It was in that moment, that she finally understood. Her hands felt useless sitting at her sides, and she felt another inexplicable urge, one that wanted her to wrap them around his neck, but she didn't. Instead she got up on the tips of her toes and pecked him quickly on the lips before nearly jumping back, her hands behind her back in an nervous gesture. After this she couldn't meet his gaze, and quickly looked anywhere but at his face.
Fin:
Fin smiled. It was a small smile, a slight twitch of his lips only, but it was genuine. It was not the jester's smile, a mask to hide him from others, to distract them and make them laugh. This smile was real and it was for Aida. But she couldn't see it, she was too busy studying the floor.
He stepped forward, covering the distance she had put between them when she jumped back and standing right next to her he noticed that he was a little taller than her. He had never noticed before.
He raised a tentative hand and his fingers brushed her hair away from her face and caused her to look up, her hazel eyes catching trapping him as they always did. "I'm glad you do," he said softly, the words slipping away into the air, sounding more like a whisper of wind.
Fin was only seventeen years old and many days, many times a day, he felt afraid and unprepared for the situation he found himself in. But in this moment those insecurities were no where to be found and there hung in the air around him the sureness and confidence of the man he might grow up to be for he was speaking to the young woman he loved and there was no truer test of bravery than this.
"I love you Aida," he said before he kissed her.
Aida:
She was studying the floor, and so when his feet were suddenly very closer to hers again she felt her heart rate accelerate a tenfold. A hand brushing away her hair finally gave her the bravery to look up and into the face of the boy she'd been too blind to realize she loved. Aida was always the last to know about her own feelings. Then he spoke, and her lips turned up in a gentle smile, it took her a few minutes to even realize it. All her troubles had somehow melted into the background, all that mattered right now was Fin, he had her full attention.
It was a little difficult to say at first, not that she didn't feel that way, it was just foreign to her, but the second time she had it down pat. "I love you you too Fin." His face got closer to hers, and then there lips met for the second time that day, only this time her arms instinctively wrapped around his neck, playing with the hair on the back of his head as they kissed. He was actually her first, her first kiss first romantic interaction ever, but it felt so...natural, so....right. One might be as daring as to even say perfect.
Aida was a shy creature, one that kept away from the limelight, but since meeting Fin she found herself wanting to step into that spotlight, to get his attention. The bad thing was she never acted on it, until he was in danger, and she put herself out there, she took charge and helped save him. That was the moment she realized how important he was to her, and now was the moment she realized she loved him. The kiss grew deeper before she finally pulled away, her face still lingering close to his, so close she could feel his breath. A slow smile crept across her face, things were perfect, but that meant something would ruin it soon. Perfection never lasts long.
She was breathless, and that showed through with her simple response of, "Wow." Her eyes held his gaze, a smile still on her face as she regained her head. It was hard to think straight with him still that close to her. Part of her mind was coming back though, and it wanted to know why now, why after all that time of silence would he say this? Aida couldn't bring herself to ruin the moment though, she didn't want to....but...
"Fin...wh-why....why now?" all that silence only lead up to this, it didn't quite fit.
Fin:
"Yes Gary, why now." The words floated by him made of green smoke. As they drifted apart Fin looked up and saw...himself. Or not himself, but a distorted version of himself standing in the room behind Aida, there to be seen by his eyes alone. The Fin copy stood nonchalantly in the room with the unconscious grace that Fin himself possessed, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt but even though that was the most normal thing about him even those were slightly wrong. They looked like the idea of clothes, as if a child had tried to draw jeans and a t-shirt. They in fact looked like a cartoon, the whole apparition looked like a cartoon.
Its eyes shown with yellow light and had slit-pupils instead of having human irises. The face was slightly distorted as if it had been stretched a bit lengthwise. But the most horrible thing about him was the smile. The grin was like an open wound spanning the thing's face, threatening to split the head in two. And the teeth that shown out from that grin were white and sharp, like fangs.
As he saw Fin looking at him the horrible grin grew wider if possible, more maniacle. "Why don't you tell her little Gary? Tell her that you don't really love her. Just words, just words. Just LIES." As it spoke its tongue slipped in and out of its mouth, a green and purple striped snake.
Fin gave no indication that he was looking at the unwelcome guest of his dreams, a grinning demon straight out of Tim Burton's imagination...or Fin's. Just his imagination.
"Am I? You know better Gary. Doesn't matter if I'm in your head cause I'm in your head." The thing winked at him and then began laughing with un-holy joy. Fin looked on and tried not to show his disgust. It was the worse thing about Nightmare-Fin. He wasn't scary, he wasn't threatening, he was just disgusting. It was something you wanted to crush and then scrape off the bottom of your shoe.
"And I'm you. Take a good look Gary, this is who you are," it said motioning towards itself and then giving one of the little bows that Fin was so fond of. Fin wanted to respond, to negate its assertion but then he would look crazy. Maybe he was crazy.
He looked back at Aida before his staring into blank space could be noted as anything more than staring into blank space, lost in thought. "Because Aida, a change is coming, I feel it, don't you? Ever since Tisoc I've been feeling...something...I'm not sure. And, it's just that, I don't know where or how things are going to turn out. And I just wanted you to know."
"Lies." And that was its name. Prince of Lies. "You're name too."
Aida:
Several things happened, none of which she was sure about, but something....was off. Fin wasn't looking at her, well he was, but his eyes were not focused on her, like he was looking past her. Aida felt the strong urge to turn around and see if they were no longer alone, but that would be silly, of course they were alone. Then what? Instead she placed a gentle hand on the side of his face, as if to try and lead him back to her, back to reality. Maybe he was lost in thought, maybe he was dazing off, either way she needed him here, needed to hear his response to the question that had her insides in a knot.
Suddenly he was back, and her brown eyes met his, and instantly hers clouded over with fear again. Aida had always been horrible at hiding her emotions, they always were clearly displayed for all to see, one of the reasons she stayed away from others in general. When people could see how you felt, they hurt you, always did and always would. It was the one constant thing in her life. Would Fin hurt her too? Not purposely....or so she hoped, prayed, wished.
Aida dropped her hand from his cheek, letting it rest on his shoulder as she looked away for a moment. "I feel a change," she whispered, and then looked up and into his eyes, "It's more than just Tisoc," she fought back tears that brimmed lightly in her eyes at the mention of the poor Yeerk. "That....two different memories...one memory haunts my dreams....the other...." she shook her head, tried to shake that crazy away. "But that's not it Fin, it's not is it?" she looked at him. There was something...else...and her mind refused to acknowledge what her heart already knew, he was going to leave.
"Fin...?"
Fin:
Aida's fingers on his skin broke the Prince's spell and when Fin looked down again he was glad that Aida was so close. It made it easier for her to be the only thing he saw. A small, sad smile touched his lips, very un-Fin-like. He didn't like letting things get to him but how could this not get to him. He could almost feel the world shifting around him and he knew that he and Aida were going to be pulled apart by the changes that were coming.
But maybe it was for the best. The part of him that was in charge of keeping him safe, in all ways including emotionally, didn't like Aida very much. It didn't like that caring for her might hurt him and it really didn't like that he would risk his own safety to help ensure hers. It didn't like that at all.
And as she saw through his excuses he realized how close he had let her get, how much she knew about him.
"Fin...?"
Fin...? Fin tried to block out the mocking voice and concentrate on Aida. She was the important one here not the imaginary friend that was no fun at all.
"No, that isn't all." He had his arm's loosely wrapped around her but he stepped away now. Partially because it would be easier to talk to her without the fact that she was so close distracting him. But he also didn't like that Nightmare-Fin had shown up behind her. It was gone now but he felt better putting himself between where it had last been and Aida.
"Listen, don't tell Matthias anything I'm about to tell you ok. I lied to him the other day. He thinks I don't remember what happened in the air and I haven't really told him about how much the whole Tisoc thing has affected me either. I don't-" Fin looked at Aida wondering if insulting Matthias was really the way to go right now and settled on a nicer way of putting what he was going to say. "I don't think he can help and I don't want him involved. But I can't live like this anymore with my head split in two. I don't know how it is affecting you but for me it is like," he didn't have to search for words, he had had this conversation a million times in his head already, "there is one line of my memory stretching back as long as my life has lasted. And then there comes this split and there are two threads that rejoin each other later but there is a bubble now, a gap in my consciousness. And I feel like it is getting bigger."
Ok, so he'd had this conversation before but as so often happens now that it was said out loud he didn't think it made any sense. "Nevermind, what matters is that I can't fix it and I think it has to be fixed. So I'm going to go look for answers after the faction leader's meeting. But I don't think Matthias would let me go. So I haven't told anyone," he looked her in the eye, " 'cept you."
Aida:
The sad smile had caught her off guard, and it surprised her how much she disliked it. When Fin smiled she was usually filled with this warmth that made her stomach do small flips, but now it had the opposite effect. Never had someone elses sadness bothered her so much, and she only felt more at a loss when he stepped away from her. Aida's entire body wasn't read to let go, her heart wasn't ready to let go, but unfortunately her mind had control, and it did not move. She stood watching him, her arms moving the wrap around herself instead.
It's not all.....theres more.... her gut clenched, and she almost grabbed her stomach instinctively to make it stop. It was hard to hear his words now, her world slowly fell apart. Aida forced herself to focus on him though, not wanting to completely break down right here and now, no, she would not do that. Fin couldn't see that, he just couldn't. Slowly she nodded, agreeing not to tell Matthias--though that would bother her later. Right now it was all about Fin, and his words hit home. Two consciousnesses, two memories, one manifested in her dreams and the other invaded her head during the day, it had been eating her up inside. None of that mattered now though, he was leaving.
Aida forced her face to stay blank, and this didn't work 100% but it stopped most of her crazy from slipping out. After Fin was finished talking she stood silently before finally looking up at him, "You're going to leave." She knew he was leaving, and she wasn't asking a question merely restating it, allowing it to soak in. "I....have my head split too...and thats why Im traveling to New York....Fin....to clear my head." Aida wasn't leaving, she would return after trying to fix herself, but Fin would be gone. "Are...you going to be gone when I get back?" she asked, her voice almost a whisper now as she cast her eyes elsewhere.
Her words held more meaning than what they may have seemed. Aida was really asking if this was it, if this was their goodbye.
Fin:
"No, I'll be gone." He didn't want to face the hurt in her eyes. He couldn't. He turned away so that he didn't have to look at her but it felt wrong. It just felt like he was abandoning her again. He had sung once for Meredith though really it had been for himself. When there was something that he couldn't express, that he didn't have the words for or the courage to say he sang. Still with his back to her, looking out the window he sang now hesitantly at first though his voice gained confidence as he went.
So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
He was facing Aida now. The music had done what it was supposed to. It had driven away his somber mood for the moment. Yes there were serious things happening soon. But now he was here, with Aida and they were together and she loved him. What else did he need.
She looked sad and afraid, frail. He didn't like seeing that frailty so close to the surface of someone he considered so strong. He hadn't gone far when he pulled away and now it was easy to cover the distance between them and take her in his arms again.
"I don't know where we'll end up Aida, but we're here now."
Aida:
Gone, it echoed inside her, ricocheting off he emptiness that had suddenly engulfed her insides. Aida felt as if some creature had worked it's way through her, somehow clearing out all her organs, like instead of her normal self she was a shell of a person. The only thing that made her realize otherwise was the way her heart thudded painfully in her ribcage, and her arms wrapped themselves tighter around her. Subconsciously it was as if she was trying to hold herself together, and in essence it was truly what she was doing.
Silence for a moment, and then suddenly her arms were wrapped around him, refusing to let go. No, they couldn't be separated now, not after this...after everything....and Fin's voice filled her mind, him telling her he changed his mind, no he wouldn't be leaving. Poof, the daydream slipped away as quickly as it came, and when her brown eyes re focused she was still standing there with her arms around herself, and Fin was now looking at her, singing. Aida's jaw fell open in surprise at the beauty of it.
Fin's arms found their way around her, and this time she knew they were real. Aida reciprocated by wrapping her own around his waist, feeling the warmth of his body pressed against hers. This was a temporary comfort, a way to fill the void that was growing inside her, but she didn't care. "Well...let's make the most of it..." she finally managed to reply. After a moment she raised her head from his chest and pressed her lips gently to his. Aida lingered for a moment before beginning to gently tug him towards her bed, and then she couldn't help but laugh and add, "It's not what it seems."
Soon she had him pulled beside her, and she nestled next to him, resting her head against his chest as her arms wound themselves around his middle. "Will you sing to me?" she asked quietly.
Fin:
Fin lay next to her, her body pressed against his so that he could feel her breathe, feel her heart beat, feel her warmth. He was a little surprised to find he didn't want more than that, that in fact this was more than anything he could have come up with. Just to be together like this, to be next to her, to be with her in this moment. He knew that there was nothing, anywhere in the world, that would be better than this and that made him feel very content.
He didn't know what would happen even a couple of hours from now since he knew Matthias would be leaving soon and taking Aida with him and then Fin would leave soon after. He didn't know where he'd go yet but he needed his own answers.
So there was no happily ever after, only happily ever now that was theirs for a while.
He began to sing softly for her alone.
In this crazy life,
and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you
You make me sing
You're every line
You're every word
You're everything...