Post by Aubrey on Sept 30, 2009 1:48:52 GMT -5
Matt
Matt sat cross-legged on the bed in his room. It was a while now after he'd been sick and though he wasn't quite up to snuff yet he knew that a time he'd been dreading had come. Rian, Ember, and Luce were all still here. They'd wanted to wait until Matt was back on his feet and able to lead the L.A. Faction. Now everyone else was outside practicing. Matt had been for a while, but had run out of energy after a while and was sent back in.
Now his hand hurt. His back did too. He didn't really care though as those pains took his mind off the emotional pain in his heart. On his lap sat two letters. Both contained copies of a poem he'd written back when he'd left Chicago for L.A. One was addressed to Ember, the other to Rian.
Rian's read:
Rian,
I know you had read this back in Chicago. Now the message is directed to you. I don't know what else I can really say. It's been a long journey from when we first me. Not exactly free of danger, though it's pulled us closer together from what I can tell.
Despite the fact that I know I should be happy and congratulating you, and part of me is, part of me now knows how Raven felt when she had to say goodbye to me. I'm losing the person I trust the most, and probably the only person I feel like I'm completely myself around. Still, I know you deserve this and that the time has come for moving on.
In a metaphor that fits your wolf morph, it's time for you to become the Alpha of your own pack. Maybe we'll see each other more than just Faction Leader Meetings since Vegas isn't too far away. Still, let's not hope for too much. We don't know what life will throw our ways.
Your Friend,
Matt
Embers read:
Ember,
It doesn't seem like that long ago Jullian and I found you running from the yeerks on your bike. I have to say that since then the nickname Short-stuff has grown on me, I wasn't entirely thrilled the first time you called me it. Still, I hope we can leave off calling each other friends, though I know at times I was hard on you as a leader.
I trust you, and I know Rian needs someone like you helping him start the Vegas faction. Good luck with wherever the future takes you. Maybe we'll see each other again if a chance comes up.
Matt
He sighed, folded them up, and wrote their names on the outsides. Then he stood up and dropped them in Rian and Ember's rooms. Rooms that would be vacant soon. Maybe Kat won't have to sleep on the couch anymore. She could move into one of the rooms if she wanted. That didn't help the feeling of a lead wieght in Matt's stomach. In fact it made it worse. He didn't want to say goodbye despite knowing it was time.
((I put a link to the poem since I'm not sure if Ember read it when I orignially posted it or not, but since I posted the poem in a thread in Chicago I felt I shouldn't redo it here even though I'm using it again.))
Rian
Rian walked into his room with the pair of converses he had decided he was taking with him and saw the letter on his bed. He walked over to it curious. Who would be giving him mail. Especially since there was no longer a postal system.
When he opened it and unfolded the pages he found Matt's letter and a copy of the poem underneath it. He read the letter first.
After reading Matt's words he put the letter down on his bed. He had been avoiding thinking about leaving Matt through a combination of lying to himself and saying Matt wouldn't be far away, and good old suppression which he was a master at. But he couldn't do that anymore. This letter, it made it all real, all official.
Rian was exactly surprised that he was upset. He was surprised he was letting himself feel upset. In the past he would have pushed the emotion away but it felt wrong to do that now. It felt like it would be pushing Matt away and he didn't want to do that.
He briefly thought about writing his own letter as he folded Matt's and put it in his bag, but he wasn't the best at writing. He doubted he could write a letter to express his feeling let alone a poem. He decided to go looking for Matt instead.
Ember
Ember caught Rian in his room, just as he stood up to leave. Behind him she saw the letter poking out of his bag and she held up her own as she leaned in the door frame, tapping the envelope against her temple. "I see you got one too. I figured he wouldn't go through all that trouble just for me."
She sighed and tried a slight smile, the best she could manage. "Think we should go talk to him? All this note writing seems too junior high for me. And since we don't have too much time left... well, Short-stuff was always a face to face guy. The only reason he went the postal route is because i think he didn't want to recite poetry out loud."
Rian
"Oh he's a writer all right he just doesn't share his stuff that often. Only when it's important," he said looking at the letter in Ember's hand. "I take it you got the poem too? He wrote that for the Chicago faction when we left. It means something that he's giving it to us too so I guess we should go find him. I wish I knew what to say, what do people say in these occasions?"
He joined her in the hallway and looked it up and down. He wondered where in the Haunt Matt would be found and decided to try his room first since it was closest. "I say we try his room first."
Ember
"Lead the way" Ember stepped back, allowing Rian to go first. If he didn't know what to say it was ten times worse for her. She'd left her family twice... once without saying a word, and again at the threat of death, which needless to say didn't leave time for tearful goodbyes. This was... the first time she'd had warning that she was about to leave the people she'd grown to like, well, a lot. After all, they'd only saved her life.
Matt too, was a surprisingly good friend as well as a great leader. He'd kept his head on straight, which was more than she could say of herself, and he'd given her something to do with what life she'd been left with. Leaving to go back to Las Vegas... back to where it had all started... she wished she could have him there to keep looking over her shoulder.
"Knock knock." She watched Rian rap on Matt's door, only just realizing that they were kind of bombarding him with fairwells.
Matt
Matt was in his room. He was watching out the window, wishing the sky was darker. Night meant he could go bat and fly around outside. Night meant he could forget things that were all too real now. Absently he toyed with a black, carved stallion on a leather cord that hung on his neck, the one Rian had given him before they'd left Chicago. For everyone else in Chicago the carved pendants had ended up as a goodbye gift.
Matt sighed. It was still too early. He wasn't going to get a dark sky for a while. He glanced at the few belongings in his room. A horse saddle, some clothes including his original morphing suit, a photograph of him and Sara, a notebook, and a poem on a scrap of a cigarette box. Everything in this room served as a reminder of being an Animorph, of where he'd come since joining the resistance. It showed who he'd been before and how he'd changed. Most of all it reminded him of the people he'd trusted most, the last of which he was losing.
He dropped the pendant from his hand and it clicked against the other necklace he wore, the dogtag with the zodiac sign for Gemini and the letter M on it. I once told Raven I lose everyone I trust. I lost Sara to the yeerks, and even though I got her back I lost her to moving here. I lost Lex when he moved to Dallas and died. I lost Raven when I was promoted,even though I still see her once and a while. Now I'm losing Rian to him being promoted. I wasn't wrong. I do lose everyone I trust, and I don't have any idea who to turn to now.
Matt heard the knock on his door. "Come in," he called. He turned to watch as Ember and Rian entered. Time to face the music. He'd known putting the notes in their rooms was initiating the goodbyes. He'd known, and as much as he'd wanted to avoid saying goodbye he'd done it anyways. God I'm being selfish. I mean.... Jullian was closer to Ember than me and..... I don't even know how well he's taking it. I couldn't tell when I was sick and haven't bothered to notice now. I'm not doing my job and that's not right.
Ember
Ember went in first, breaking the mood with a weak joke. "What's up short-stuff? I feel like I'm getting broken up with over a sticky note." Again the letter was on display, this time tapping against her thigh out of nervous habit. "We both figured we'd come by to talk in person, because well.. text messaging isnt an option anymore."
Swing and a miss. Lame. Why was she acting so jittery? It wasn't like they were leaving right that second. No hugs or tears. Nothing so dramatic. Just a few fond words exchanged between friends and hopefully they could all get through this without feeling like some cheesy after school special.
Rian
"You broke up with people with text messaging? Wow, that's rough." He had no idea why he was responding to Ember's comment. He guess it was easier to joke around than to start talking about why they were actually here. "I always went for the facebook wall post myself. More public, always ended things quicker."
He looked at Matt. "So um, yeah we came to say goodbye I guess and, well I at least, came by to thank you for everything. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you and I definitely wouldn't be a faction leader without your guidance and support." Well that hadn't been that hard. Who knew he had those sincere words in him. Maybe it was easier to say because he meant it all.
Matt
Matt smiled weakly at Ember's joke. She'd tried to brighten the mood, he couldn't blame her for that. Still, saying goodbye was hard. It wasn't something anyone ever wanted to do, but sometimes it just had to happen. I don't think I'll ever like saying goodbye. I only hope the next one comes a little later on. It seems too short for all that's happened in this time.
Matt listened to Rian, thinking of what they'd been through since Chicago. Too many near-death experiences, but at the same time they'd both learned a lot from each other. "You always had it in you, the ability to be a leader," Matt said. "I just helped you find it. Every leader is different and each leads differently. It's a lot easier seeing the potential in someone else than seeing it in yourself."
He was trying to keep it together. This wasn't like when he'd left Chicago. There didn't need to be hugs and tears. It wasn't quite effective on making him look less depressed though. He sighed. "I'm not ready to say goodbye, to either of you. At the same time I know I'm well enought to lead, or will be fairly soon here. Besides, you have a member from Vancouver who'll be joining your faction and I can't keep putting off telling Matthias to send him to Vegas. We've held it up long enough."
He picked up something from the bed beside him and held it out to Rian. It was the blue cube Cassie had given Matt to pass onto Rian. This hadn't gotten passed on before now. "The Haunt won't be the same without you two."
Ember
"What? You're telling me you're really going to miss all the near death experiences I've put you through?" Ember smiled, "But... It has been really fun. Finding this group, and a leader like you when I did... probably.. no, it really did save my life. In more ways than I know how to say thank you for." Her eyes shifted to an interesting bit of floor as she continued to speak, feeling the blood rush to her cheeks the more she struggled to say what she felt. It was an awkward sensation, but she just had to get through it.
"I am going to miss LA. It's was my home before all this happened, and you made me feel like it belonged to me again. I didn't have that... and I didn't realize how much I needed it. The group, my friends. I thought those things were lost. But through the animorphs i've been given the power to take that back... and it's time to help others do the same." Her fingers got so twisted in her hair by the end of her mini-speech she thought she'd never get them loose. The nervous habit giving her something to split her attention on. "We've had a great run. And if you ever need my help, just call. Even if you just need someone to get you in trouble."
Matt
Matt had to laugh at what Ember said about the near death experiences. If anything he'd been in closer calls without her help, but she'd given him a hard time too. It didn't bother him so much. Protecting his members was a job that might cost him his life, and all he could think was it would be better his life than one of theirs.... in his mind anyways.
Matt smiled as Ember continued dispite her discomfort at expressing her feelings. "You'll always have a home here, both of you. If there's ever no where else to turn don't feel bad about coming back to me for help. As far as seeing you..... Vegas isn't that far. We might see a little bit of each other if things work out. If nothing else I can stop through on my way to faction leader meetings, Rian and I could travel together so it's not as lonely." Now that Rian had the cube there was one other thing to deliver, but it would wait until after he finished with Ember and Rian. I think Jullian needs a private talk when I give it to him. Not because he's done anything wrong, just because this might be part of the source of his off emotions lately.
Rian
It seemed they both had a lot to thank Matt for and he couldn't believe they were leaving. He held the blue box in his hand and for a moment he stared into it's blue glow, contemplating all that it meant for the future. Then he looked up at Matt. "Goodbye Matthew. I'm sure we'll see each other before too long." He smiled, "I know we will."
He looked at Ember, still smiling. Goodbyes were always sad but he had suddenly realized that this was real. They were leaving and starting something new and there was good in that too. "You ready to go? We still have to go get Luce and say goodbye to the others but if we leave today we can make good time before sunset."
Ember
"Yeah." Ember nodded, "Just give me some time to talk to Kat, and the others." she thought of Jullian and any smile she might have had disappeared.
She edged out past Rian through the door, going down the hall way to pack up her things. The old side bag she'd had on her since before all of this had happened was stuffed in the bottom of the closet along with her few things of laundry. She tucked it all away and set it up to be taken out later. It wouldn't be too hard to fit all of her things on the saddles they had acquired for the trip... but she was surprised to find that she wanted to keep a lot of the little things she'd gotten since being here. The extra clothing, the fabric pieces, other knick knacks that were worthless... but priceless. And once her things were gone and the bed re-made it was like she'd never been there at all.
She'd give it to Kat, she'd already decided. It was the least she could do to make up for all her bickering. After all the girl wasn't so bad, and having to sleep on a couch just wasn't right once she was the only female member. Ember didn't want any of the guys to wreck the room in case she visited, but that wasn't the only reason. She wanted to give Kat something of a farewell gift and although the girl would probably claim it anyway, just in case Ember wanted to hand it over personally.
Matt
"Goodbye Rian.... It's amazing how I never thought I'd have to say that. Moving out here I didn't see where the future might take things. You're right though, we'll see each other again." Matt said this. He'd intended to say something to Ember, but she left before he could. Oh well. Tearful goodbyes weren't what they needed right now. Time to let them go.
"I need to go find Jullian," he said standing up. "I have something Helena gave me to pass onto him, when I saw her in New York." He picked the necklace with the ornate dagger up off his bed. "Hope you don't mind if I steal him for a few moments before you guys say goodbye. I think this needs to be passed on in private. I don't know how emotional he'll get over it and I don't want him to get embarassed or anything." He passed Rian as he left the room. Ember and Rian had packing to do anyways, and now that his goodbyes were said there wasn't much reason for standing around delaying things more.
Katrina
The seascape was always a breath taking site and as Rian and Ember said their goodbyes, Kat had taken to the beach. She was part of the faction so she probably should have been inside saying her own goodbyes, but she felt kind of awkward. She didn't want to get in the way of whatever Matt would want to say to the two of them, or the other way around. She wasn't exactly very close with either of them so she didn't want to ruin the moment.
She'd been taking to the beach a lot lately, just sitting alone and thinking. Sometimes she was interrupted by Bane or Stevert, but most of the time it was just her and the company of her music. It was up kind of loud, blocking out the roaring of the waves. Ironically enough, Kat hated the alone time and what thoughts it brought to her mind, but she continued to do it anyway.
The topic of Ember and Rian's departure was a tricky one. She wasn't sure how exactly she felt about it. Matt was sad about loosing his second in command and one of his first members, while Jullian had been bitter at being left behind, but Kat was unsure of her feelings. It was going to be... weird without them. She and Ember weren't exactly the best of pals, but they were no longer at each others throats. They'd learned there lesson after the last mishaps back in the sewers. Kat wasn't extremely close to Rian though, but she wasn't sure how things would be once he was gone. She was used to him being around and she still appreciated how he'd tried to forget what she'd done to him and promised to work with her even if he didn't necessarily forgive her.
Katrina sighed and the song changed.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of L.A.
The footsteps that were next to me have gone their separate ways...
Kat glanced down at the MP3 player, raising a brow. Kind of funny that it chose to play this song now. Since she'd first joined up with the animorphs she'd connected the song to her situation, making it kind of like a theme song or something. She sighed as the chorus kicked in and she began to sing it in a whisper, closing her eyes some.
"They say that evil comes disguised. Like a city of angels I'm walking towards the light. Baptized in the river, I've seen a vision of my life and I wanna be delivered. In the city was a sinner, I've done a lot of things wrong but I swear I'm a believer. Like the prodigal son, I was out on my own, now I'm trying to find my way back hom-"
Kat shut her mouth and changed the song before it made some of the things she'd thought about while staring off at the ocean came back to her. She didn't feel like thinking about them anymore right now, and as the beat of another song came to her ears she stared down at the sand with an intense stare.
Bane
Bane had gone outside to let Matthew say his goodbyes to Ember and Rian. He wasn't close to either of them, but he knew that Rian would make a great leader. Ember was a good member to have as well, he was sure they'd do well.
"They say that evil comes disguised. Like a city of angels I'm walking towards the light."
That sounded like...Kat? He thought, shoving his hands in the pocket of his coat. He was glad to be wearing the thing again after all the missions in just the morph suit.
He headed for the beach.
"In the city was a sinner, I've done a lot of things wrong but I swear I'm a believer."
Definitely Kat. She's singing. He smiled. The song fit.
"now I'm trying to find my way back hom-"
She stopped. Bane wondered why, then played over the rest of the song in his head. He wasn't too familiar with it's lyrics, but enough to have an idea of what came next.
You're from a small town.
You're gonna grow up fast.
Underneath these lights.
Strange how much this song fit both their situations. He saw her now, staring at the sand.
"Hey Kat," He said, walking over. "Something wrong?" She was his closest friend here, needless to say he was worried.
To the praying Mother the worried Father
Let your children go
If they come back they'll come home stronger
And if they don't you'll know.
Was Kat as homesick as he was?
Rian
Rian finished packing everything into his saddle bags and attached them to the saddle he had modified for his stag morph. Finding himself packed he went out into the living room, but realized that he didn't have much to say to anyone. He worried that that was bad. Leaving LA felt like leaving a home and a family behind and yet, now that the time was here he realized that he had never really had a chance to get to know most of the members.
And there didn't seem to be any of them around at the moment to even say goodbye to. He sat down in the living room and waited for first Matt and then Ember to speak to Jullian. To be honest he was feeling a little sorry for himself.
Luce
Luce walked into the common room, chewing on a cereal bar. She was wearing only her morphing suit which consisted of some shorts and a gray a-shirt and the knife that was a constant companion was strapped to her thigh. Her saddle was outside on the porch and everything was ready to go.
She had been here for a couple of days and had pretty much just tried to stay out of everyone's way. She wasn't staying so there was no point in leaving enemies behind her and that is what she tended to make of people instead of friends.
And that is what she was currently doing. She had been about to go wait outside on the porch but had seen two of the LA members out there and changed her mind.
When she walked into the living room she saw the kid, Rian was his name, jeez she should learn it if he was going to be her faction leader. He seemed to just be sitting and staring at nothing.
"Hi."
Rian
"Oh, hey." He hadn't really had a chance to speak to Luce while she had been here. He had tried a couple of times to find her and get to know her a little but he hadn't tried that hard. He figured they would have plenty of time to get to know each other on their trip to Las Vegas and if she wanted to make herself scarce then that was her business.
"Hey Luce. Normally I would just ask if you are ready to go. I don't like prying into people's pasts. But currently I have nothing to do and wouldn't mind hearing any stories you have to share so instead I'll ask, what's New York like? And how did you get to be an animorph?"
Luce
She looked at him. This was the person who everyone had so much confidence in? She wasn't necessarily making a judgement about him just yet, just marking certain things.
"New York is pretty much a war ground. You guys have it nice out here in LA. Got your quaint headquarters and your family faction. New York isn't like that. First of all, while we all trust each other with our lives, we don't really have any bonds of love going on, at least I didn't. People die too often for that. And we have to hide all the time. Yeerks, controllers are everywhere. And we aren't safe on the streets, hell, most low ranking controllers aren't safe on the streets so we are down right hunted. Free humans that is. New York is just...harder than LA, but since when has that been news."
Rian
"Oh, yeah I guess it was like that before. Or maybe not. I mean, LA is a lie isn't it? That's what all the songs say. It is all angels, sunshine and soft living on the surface but underneath all that it is dirty and mean and can mess you up. I remember that an uncle of mine once told me never to move to LA. His younger brother had come here and basically pissed his life away with drugs until he died of an overdose. I never knew him." When had this conversation and this day turned so dark. He tried to lighten the mood and change the topic.
"So, animorph, how did you become one?" He figured that would be a happier story. For most people becoming an animorph had been a good thing, a chance to fight back for wrongs did them. They all had a feeling of purpose and being called to duty about them.
Luce
"I was a controller. My yeerk tried to infiltrate the animorphs. It starved and I was freed. End of story." If there was one topic that Luce felt any feelings for it should have been her time spent as a slave. Jals hadn't been your average power hungry yeerk. She had craved experiences instead, seemingly endlessly fascinated with human pleasures of all sorts.
And so Jals had used her body in every way it was possible to use it. Luce had experienced the effects of every drug on earth and that was pretty much the tamest of the experiences she had been put through. Jals had violated her body in a more complete way than any rapist in all of human history.
She should have felt something about it. But she didn't. She felt nothing. And she knew that was wrong, that things shouldn't be that way. But she had long ago stopped asking herself what was wrong with her. There were a lot of things wrong with her and none of them could be fixed now. Whatever she could have become before Jals was gone, ripped away more completely than her freedom. She couldn't pine over it though sometimes, when she saw people like Matthias or even Ember, when she saw people that she could have been like she felt something akin to regret. But she had to deal with what was and not what could have been.
Katrina
The music drowned most of Bane's voice out but she was aware someone was there. Her head went up and the headphones came off her her ears in time to catch. "-thing wrong?" It was Bane's voice and he was gazing down at her, his hands in the trench coat he wore when he didn't need to morph. Katrina guessed at what he had fully said, forcing on a smile.
"..Hey Bane. Nah, just sitting out here enjoying the waves." She said with a shrug. Her eyes went back to the rolling ocean. Things were bugging her, starting to weigh her down, but she didn't want to bring them up or cast her thoughts on other members. "You didn't want to crash the goodbye party either?" She asked lightly, figuring he might feel as awkward as she did standing around while Matt, Ember, and Rian gave their goodbyes to eachother.
Bane
Bane smirked oddly. "They must not be very interesting waves...you were staring holes in the sand." He looked out over the water. "Yeah..I mean...it'll be weird with Rian and Ember gone..but I wasn't really that close with them...and I know they'll do fine."
His expression faded as he watched the waves and smelled the salt in the air. He hadn't really come to the beach area often. "It reminds me of home...I used to live near the docks." Bane said, almost as if he were talking to himself more than Kat. "It sucks being so far from where I spent most of my life."
He turned back to Kat, wanting to stay away from that conversation. "Hey, maybe Matt's done with his goodbyes? We should atleast go and see them one more time before they leave."
Katrina
A sheepish smile slowly crept onto Kat's face. He was right, she had been focusing her gaze on the sand instead of enjoying the waves like she'd told him. A soft laugh escaped her lips after his comment. "Guess I just got lost in the music. I know what you mean with Rian and Ember... I wasn't exactly close to them either, it's just going to be weird missing two members that you know should be there.."
Her gray eyes peered up at him from where she sat, watching as his expression faded away. He was staring off at the ocean and his words confirmed her assumption that he was thinking of home, the very thing she didn't want to think about at the moment. "...yea..." She mumbled, kind of trying to sound like she was interested but her voice sounded like it cracked a little and she was sure the way she'd spoken gave away her urgency to move away from the topic right now.
Kat was on her feet quickly as Bane spoke again, glad he'd moved to something different. "Y-Yea. We should at least say goodbye and see them off..." She moved quickly, passing Bane so he couldn't see her face when he walked. She felt kind of embarrassed from what she might have revealed in her tone before with the cracking and the urgent tone.
Stevert
Swam gave a few last kicks with his dolphin's tail before concentrating on his normal body that he and Robert shared. As he let the momentum of the dolphin carry him towards the shore, he focused on demorphing as fast as he could. By the time he reached the shore, he was a drenched, fourteen year old kid wading through the surf. In their mind, Robert said, <<Nice trick bro. Maybe you should try doing things like that with your other morphs? Besides trying to fly as a human when you demorph from blue jay. Morphing in motion might save our lives one day.>>
Robert's thoughts kept Steve occupied as he walked towards the Haunt. His patrol was finished for awhile so Robert kept bombarding him with thoughts to say good-bye to Ember and Rian. Steve walked up to the house, still dripping from his swim as a human and bottlenose dolphin. He walked through the front door and saw Rian and the new girl, Luce, just talking to each other. Normally Steve would have just barged in and started talking before he realized that anyone was talking, but Robert had foreseen that and forced Steve to wait until there was a break in the conversation. As soon as one appeared, Steve said, "Hey! You're still here! good. I thought you'd leave before Rob and I got a chance to say good-bye."
Ember
Ember wandered around upstairs in the boy's loft room for awhile, having already wandered through the other rooms in the Haunt. She was supposed to be looking for people, but she'd gotten caught up in the strangely nostalgic act of trying to memorize each room just the way it was before she had to leave. Dirty clothes, discarded morphing suits, a few misplaced dishes... not to mention Jullian's wall papered designs everywhere. A pang hit her and again she thought about staying... but then she remembered Rian and how much he'd need her there, and if she stayed it would mean that she didn't trust the Kid enough to let him go.
She didn't realize it, but after their shopping trip Ember had made a silent pact within herself to never let him come to harm again. And if anything ever did happen to him she would feel responsible for it. If she wasn't here, then how would she make sure he was ok? How would she be sure that he didn't throw himself into danger again? The thoughts left her cold and dissatisfied, frustrated at her situation and all the emotions that tangled up inside her, strangling her in their grip. It was pathetic. She should be stronger than this. Before she could brush off people like they didn't exist, like she was the only thing important in the world and how dare they assume she would even notice their little pity parties. Suck it up, she'd think, and step over them without a second thought.
But back then she didn't have a family. Back then... she didn't even have friends. And when she finally found one person she could connect with in the world, she was ripped away in the night, leaving her alone again. All the worse because now... now she knew what she was missing. Standing moodily in the middle of the boy's room wasn't going to fix that though. She was just going to have to face that she was about to loose another friend. Maybe even several friends, for though she hadn't known them for long and probably hadn't made the best of impressions, all the LA faction had grown closer whether they liked it or not.
Matt
Matt came up into the room, ducking from the ceiling that was just a tad too low for him to stand up straight. He spotted Ember in the room. Knowing how close to Jullian she'd been, it made sense that he was the first one she'd gone to look for. Matt wondered whether Helena's message or Ember's goodbye should be the first thing Jullian heard. He didn't really know, which was a first in a long while that he didn't know something for sure.
"You can't find him either, can you?" Matt asked as he got closer. Ember had a sort of nostalgic look on her face. She was going to miss it here. "Ummm.... Hey. I wanted to say something more back in my room. I know I've been hard on you at times, but I hope we can still end as friends after all of it..... now that I'm not your faction leader anymore." He didn't mean anything beyond that. Just that now he was nothing more than another Animorph, a fellow fighter.
He toyed with the necklace in his hand. Where was Jullian anyways?
Bane
Bane had noticed the crack in Kat's voice, but decided it was best to let it go. She didn't want to talk about it, that was obvious, and neither did he. He just continued back to the Haunt.
He saw Steve go in ahead of them, completely oblivious to the two teens who would walk in behind him. When he heard Steve's comment about Rian possibly leaving before they could say goodbye, he was suddenly glad he'd decided to say it now. The corner of his lips curled into a smile.
"You wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to your old teammates, now would you?" True, he hadn't been close, but he respected Rian a lot. He wanted to wish him luck, though he doubted the soon-to-be Las Vegas leader would need it.
Jullian
Jullian plodded up the stairs to his attic room. He had pretty much been avoiding everybody for the past couple of days. The longest conversation he had had was with that girl Meredith and she hadn't even stuck around very long. Besides for that he had found that he didn't really want to talk to anyone...especially not Ember, or Rian for that matter.
He dragged his laundry up from where they had found the machines in the basement. The morphing suits were getting a serious beating with all these sewer runs and he didn't want to have to smell sewer when he came home.
He walked into the shared attic room to find two occupants already there and not the two who it belonged to. He stared at Matt and Ember. Great, emotional double teaming me. Matt will no doubt want to talk about our feelings or at least mine. He's so interested in finding out what everyone else feels and making sure everyone confides in him but he doesn't confide in any of us.
And Ember. He didn't even look at her. He didn't want to hear anything that either of them had to say. He acted like they weren't there and began putting his cloths away in his drawer.
Rian
Rian had been trying to figure out what to say after Luce revealed that she had once been a controller. What do you say to an ex controller? 'Good job with getting free.' Was there anything to really say? He had no idea what it was like to be a controller. Well, he knew something about being trapped in a body. But he had a feeling that that was different. He had been trapped in a body he hated. She had been trapped in her own body and forced to watch while it was forced to do things.
Luckily Steve saved him from figuring it out right then by coming into the Haunt. Right after him came Bane. "Naw, I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye." He gave a quick glance to Luce to see if she minded this interruption but he couldn't read her expression. "I was just waiting here. I guess maybe I should have gone looking for you guys but I figured you'd show up," he said with a smile. "When I left Chicago I left them with gifts. I had made necklaces for everyone and they just ended up being goodbye gifts. I wish I had something to leave with you guys but all I can say is that I'm really proud to have known you both."
Stevert
Steve's mouth instantly said, "Good. Now that we've said good-bye, you can leave anytime. Nah, I'm just joking. Besides I-". Robert cut Steve off and siad, using Steve's mouth, "Steve and I were honored to have fought by your side as well. We have all been through a lot together. Besides, Steve and I have never liked necklaces to much. And we don't need gifts or anything. Good luck in Las Vegas!"
<<Ok brother. You can take over now.>> Steve turned towards Luce and said, "Good-bye. My brother and I didn't know you very well but we still would like to wish you luck." Steve walked over to her, and with Rob's prodding, extended his hand to her.
Luce
This was a very friendly place. She was glad they were moving on. She just wasn't used to all this civility. They were fighting a war and yet this faction still found time for hand shakes and hellos. It was weird.
She took Steve's extended hand. But something about the way he had spoken seemed a little off to her. It reminded her strongly of something but she couldn't place what. She should have. She should have recognized a controller immediately after haven been one for so long. Maybe it was just the fact that there was no real struggle for control that was confusing her. But as she shook Steve's hand she made a mental note to ask Rian or Ember about him later since something was off.
Katrina
Katrina was right behind Bane. She'd rushed past him when they first started heading towards the haunt but before they got to it she'd slowed down so they were walking closer to each other. She stopped beside Bane, looking at Rian and Luce.
"Its gonna be kind of wierd here without you and Ember.." Kat voiced, "But good luck in Vegas.You're going to be a great leader Rian."
Kat smiled at him a bit. She half wondered if he'd forgiven her yet for her actions on their first meeting but she wasn't going to bring it up or ask. He'd said maybe some day he would, until then he had promised to just work with her.
Matt
Matt saw Jullian and realized this was going to be a lot harder than he thought. Jullian didn't seem like he wanted to talk, and Matt had to admit that despite trying to be there for his members to confide in he didn't trust them much with how he felt..... mostly because he still felt like he should try to keep a strong face like Raven had. Still, that hadn't worked thus far in L.A. Maybe it was time to try a new approach.
"Ummmm.... Hey Jullian. I have a message I should have delivered when I first got back here. It's from Helena." He approached Jullian and held out his open hand containing the necklace. Okay so he'd intended to do this in private, but considering Jullian probably trusted Ember the most of any of the faction members it hardly mattered that she was there. "She said she hopes you're okay and asked me to keep you safe for her."
He intended to stop there..... but there was something else he felt he needed to say. "Look, I know I'm not the greatest about trusting you guys. I keep thinking if I show weakness you'll see me as less able to lead. Still, with Rian leaving I need someone I can trust, both with my own thoughts when I can't handle them myself or when they start affecting my judgment and with being my new second. You're the member with the most experience, meaning the job is yours if you want it." He shut up now, feeling like he might have just stuck his foot in his mouth and hoping he hadn't.
Rian
Rian was feeling like he had been a little foolish earlier when he had been feeling sorry for himself. Here was the rest of the faction to say goodbye too and even though they hadn't been together long, the short time they had been together they had done a lot and grown closer than many people did in months.
He looked at Kat, who had come in after Bane and missed his original speech. He wondered what it was he should say to her. He never really had forgiven her for what had happened. But he also recognized that that was his fault, not her's. He hadn't made an effort because he simply hadn't wanted to deal.
He walked over to her. "I was glad to work with you too. I know that we kinda had a bad start but I think we got past it ok."
Ember
Oh great. Ember sat, back against the wall, as Matt tried to talk to Jullian about something that obviously didn't include her. She was still thinking about his words to her earlier and was grateful that they could part on such good terms, without being so stiff about it, and yet...
Everything was jumbled, why couldn't she just take one thing at a time instead of having to deal with awkward dual conversations? She needed to talk to Jullian, but he needed to hear about his sister... not her. Matt wanted to have a conclusion, but he had an obligation to talk with Jullian. And as for everyone else in the Haunt, she still hadn't gotten around to saying good bye. In fact she hadn't even told anyone she was leaving officially, although she doubted there was anyone who didn't know. It was a small house after all.
Ok, ok, there's two options. Ember glanced at the door thinking, there's number one.
Bane
"Yeah, what...er...Robert said, we don't need any gifts. Knowing you was enough," Bane smiled. "I know you'll do really well as a leader." He knew how good Rian was at coming up with plans from the experiences in the tunnels.
"It really will be weird without you two," Bane agreed with Kat. "And I do wish we'd had more time to get to know each other, but I still feel I can truly say I liked being in the same faction as you." He extended his hand to shake with Rian.
Katrina
Kat watched as Rian came towards her. Her gray eyes were on him as he spoke, a slight smile forming on her face. "All I really wanted was a chance..." She told him with a small shrug, "Thanks for giving me one and not holding it over my head." She guessed this was close enough to being told she'd been forgiven, even if that wasn't exactly how it was phrased. It was good enough for her.
"You're gonna do great in Vegas. Make sure Ember plays nice with the knew faction mates." She tried to joke lightly, but she did hope Ember wouldn't get into anything like she had with Kat when it came to her new faction.
Jullian
Jullian wasn't looking at Matt while Matt said his little speech about Helena and for a long time he didn't respond. Still not looking at Ember or Matt, and so not seeing the necklace, he said, "She didn't care enough to visit. But she wants you to keep me safe. 'Cause that's all I am right? Just some kid that needs to be kept safe. Safe and out of the way. She left me behind." He glanced at Ember.
He turned angrily to Matt. "I'm just some stupid, weak kid. I'm not your second. I can't lead anybody. I get scared in sewers and Steve had to hold my hand. Pick Kat, pick Steve. I don't care but I'm outa here." He looked at the necklace. He knew what it was but right now it just looked like one more thing sent to protect him. He angrily walked out of the room.
Ember
"Jules!" Ember chased after the Kid. She'd have to finish her good bye to Matt later. "Wait! Stop! Stop..." She reached out and grabbed his arm as they got to the bottom of the stairs. Wrenching him back so he had to face her, Ember found it hard to look back...
"Wait, please. I.. i didn't mean for this to happen. Going to Vegas is... I'm needed, you know?" She tried to explain, but it came out as lame as it sounded in her head. "And i know i'm not.. i can't..." What should she say? That she was angry at Helena too? That anyone who abandoned this kid was heartless and... herself. She wanted so badly to be there for him because he needed her but she knew that she couldn't. His sister was the one who could be there. Ember had to move on.
Matt
Matt sighed as Jullian and then Ember ran out of the room. He hung his head and wished he could do something, anything, to fix this. It had gone as well as he could have expected and now he had to let Ember do her work. Lets face it. Jullian has never trusted me and with right. I don't trust him so why should he? He trusted Ember, and now she's leaving. I know how he feels somewhat, from when Lex left, but he doesn't need to hear that.
Matt dropped the necklace onto the bed then moved over away from it and sat down on the floor, putting his head in his hands. ' I can't lead anybody...... Pick Kat, pick Steve. I don't care....' Jullian's words rang over and over again in Matt's mind. He ran over the options besides Jullian. Steve and Robert, admittedly they weren't bad, but Matt trusted Robert much more than Steve to lead with a mature head. Kat, Mat still felt she had a little learning to do after the incident with the coyote morph and the one in the sewers. Bane, would be a possibility but overall he was the most recent addition to the team so Matt would really rather have someone else.
"He's not just a kid that needs to be kept safe," Matt muttered to himself. Saying it out loud helped, a lot more than keeping it in did. He just had to be sure no one was around when he did. "He's someone I would trust to lead this group. Let's face it, everyone has their weakness. Jullian was uncomfortable in the tunnels to begin with, possibly he's claustrophobic. Still, when it comes down to it he takes risks with a seemingly level head and will follow orders when he trusts someone......"
Shaking his head Matt stayed there, out of the way. He'd done enough damage today. Time to let things sort themselves out since it seemed he never could be part of the solution. What had happened to people trusting him?
Jullian
He wanted to just run away from her, from Matt, from all of them. He didn't want to have to deal with any of this, especially not the responsibility Matt was trying to entrust him with. The truth was Jullian had no faith in himself. When had he ever done something of worth? When had he ever contributed something to the team that someone else couldn't have done or even done better? He couldn't point to one example so why should Matt chose him and why should Ember want to stay?
He stopped and slouched against the hallway wall. The slouch turned itself into a full on slump and he found himself sitting on the floor. "Whatever Ember. I know you have to go. I get it ok. I was raised on duty and honor and all that. You're needed in Las Vegas so you're going to Las Vegas. And Helena was needed in Vancouver so that's where she stayed. Apparently now she is needed in New York so that's where she is. My mom was like that too. I just wonder," he sniffed a bit trying to hold back tears that would only further demonstrate how weak he was, " where does duty end and family begin? My mom, I know she loved me but duty came first. And I know Helena loves me but...Why do I always come last? And how come I don't feel it too? I don't have that sense of duty everyone else seems to be running around with. You, Matt, even Rian, all filled up with purpose. And you all seem so sure of yourselves. Like maybe not as people but you all seem to know so well what you were put here to do even if you're not sure how to do it. I don't have that and I just wish I did. I wish I knew. I thought becoming an animorph would always mean I was on the right side, that I would always know what to do, what was right, that I would be worth something. But I don't feel any different and I think I should."
Ember
Ember slowly got to her knees, falling opposite to Jullian in the hall. "Kid..." She stopped herself, "No, you're not a kid. I wish you were. I wish I had a brother like you... that I could be your sister and protect you all the time. It's.. I don't think... it's not easy to say- to admit but..."She swallowed on the gob of emotions in the back of her throat, clearing them away for the moment. "I've held you back. I really have ...a lot of people have." Her eyes shifted downwards, "Your mom, your sister... I don't know why they left. But I know why I'm leaving... I know now, because of what you've said. I'm leaving because, yes there's a sense of honor, and yes i have to keep fighting. But, the most important reason i have to leave is so that you can take my place."
She smiled a little, looking back up at him. "You're it, Kid. You're the glue that's going to hold this place together. You're going to take over for Rian and me, and yes, you're even going to accept Matt's offer. And don't worry, I'm not telling you to do it now, but... when you're ready, he's going to need you. All the members here will. They're going to need all those great qualities I see in you; Bravery, kindness, love. You don't have to have a military sense of duty to be important. You may be young, and think that you can't understand life, but when I'm gone you're going to be able to grow and someday... when you've saved this faction more times than you can count, you and I are going to meet again." Settling beside him, she pulled him in close and squeezed him tightly. "What we're fighting for... it's this. It's friends, and family, and allowing for the things that we used to take for granted to happen again. And when this is all over, you'll know, when you return to your family and they see the person you've become, you'll know. Until then, we've just got to keep going, though not always in the same direction."
She hiccuped a laugh, trying to hold back from crying. "Here." Letting go, with more effort than she thought it would take, Ember reached into her pocket and pulled out her knife. "Freud says when you want to see a person again very badly, you leave something with them to return for." She pressed it into his hand, "This way... you know I'll come back."
Jullian
Jullian took the knife and burst out laughing. He tried to stop laughing long enough to tell Ember the reason for the laughter but he couldn't manage it for a while. He didn't want her to think that he hadn't heard what she'd said, that he hadn't taken it in, that he hadn't appreciated it but he could not stop laughing.
Finally he regained enough control to gasp out, "Ember, I think you would have fit in my family perfectly." He flicked the knife open and then closed it, showing an unconscious grace that didn't seem to fit with the rest of his personality...but he had been raised by the same mother Helena had.
He tucked the knife into his belt and got up and hugged her. He didn't let go for a while, knowing that this might be one of the last times he saw her in a while. "Thanks Em."
Ember
Ember held on equally as long, realizing, as he did, that they wouldn't be able to see each other for maybe... forever. Her words had meant to inspire him, and she sincerely hoped they would come true, but there was always the darker possibility...
And yet, pulling back and looking into his contagious smile, those thoughts were immediately put away as a warming hope she hadn't felt since Adelaide's death filled her to the brim. The kid had a really good heart. There was no greater power in the universe, and nothing could take that away.
"Alright!" She took him by the shoulders, "Now go back and talk to Matt. I have to go wrap things up here, try to fit everything back into one bag. But you, ha, you've got a lot more work ahead of you."
Jullian
"Alright. Thanks again Em." He stood up. He would see her again he was sure.
He walked back into his room and found Matt. Instantly his sort of good mood dimmed as he tried to figure out what to say to make everything ok again.
"Matt, I'm, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have run off. I've been acting like a child. I mean I am a kid," he looked down, "but I think I've been letting that be my exuse for everything lately. But the originals were children when they started too, same as me, and I should...well I'm not exactly sure what I should do all the time. But I know that I want to help you and if that means being your second then I'll do my best."
He walked over and picked up the necklace that Helena had sent for him. His sister had given him the thing that meant most to her. He should have seen that. "You may regret your choice before too long but I'll do my best," he said, a little of the old insecurity creeping in.
Matt
Matt glanced over as Jullian spoke. Watching as he picked the necklace up and hearing all that was said before speaking himself. "No one's perfect, Jullian. Not even me and you've seen what happens when my flaws come out. I try to be a brick wall and hold myself accountable for everything, but I crumble under the weight. The originals, from what I've heard they were all your age when this war started and I don't doubt one of them was actually the leader, not just a second. True you and that person aren't exactly the same, but age doesn't really matter anymore. Most of the people fighting this war are eighteen and under. There's only three people over that age and their the other three faction leaders besides Rian and me."
He stood up off the floor and gave Jullian the best smile he could manage with the shadow that the current events were holding over their heads. It was hard to smile when this all was happening because they were having to say goodbye to Rian and Ember. "Even I doubt myself sometimes Jullian. And I know that might be kind of weird to hear when I've got the live of everyone in this faction in my hands, but that's actually the reason I doubt myself sometimes. I worry about the consequences of every order I give because I don't want to lose a faction member. I've already seen what that's like."
He shook of the thoughts of Lex. They hadn't lost someone since then, not in his faction yet and not anyone he'd known in Chicago. "If I ever do come to regret making you my second.... well, it won't be the first time I've regretted a decision. I've made some pretty dumb ones, but this one I'm fairly confident about." The thing Matt thought was that maybe Jullian just needed to see he could be the strong one, didn't need to depend on someone else. Maybe Jullian could give Helena the shock of her life by growing up into someone much more confident and self reliant before they saw each other again.
Matt sat cross-legged on the bed in his room. It was a while now after he'd been sick and though he wasn't quite up to snuff yet he knew that a time he'd been dreading had come. Rian, Ember, and Luce were all still here. They'd wanted to wait until Matt was back on his feet and able to lead the L.A. Faction. Now everyone else was outside practicing. Matt had been for a while, but had run out of energy after a while and was sent back in.
Now his hand hurt. His back did too. He didn't really care though as those pains took his mind off the emotional pain in his heart. On his lap sat two letters. Both contained copies of a poem he'd written back when he'd left Chicago for L.A. One was addressed to Ember, the other to Rian.
Rian's read:
Rian,
I know you had read this back in Chicago. Now the message is directed to you. I don't know what else I can really say. It's been a long journey from when we first me. Not exactly free of danger, though it's pulled us closer together from what I can tell.
Despite the fact that I know I should be happy and congratulating you, and part of me is, part of me now knows how Raven felt when she had to say goodbye to me. I'm losing the person I trust the most, and probably the only person I feel like I'm completely myself around. Still, I know you deserve this and that the time has come for moving on.
In a metaphor that fits your wolf morph, it's time for you to become the Alpha of your own pack. Maybe we'll see each other more than just Faction Leader Meetings since Vegas isn't too far away. Still, let's not hope for too much. We don't know what life will throw our ways.
Your Friend,
Matt
Embers read:
Ember,
It doesn't seem like that long ago Jullian and I found you running from the yeerks on your bike. I have to say that since then the nickname Short-stuff has grown on me, I wasn't entirely thrilled the first time you called me it. Still, I hope we can leave off calling each other friends, though I know at times I was hard on you as a leader.
I trust you, and I know Rian needs someone like you helping him start the Vegas faction. Good luck with wherever the future takes you. Maybe we'll see each other again if a chance comes up.
Matt
He sighed, folded them up, and wrote their names on the outsides. Then he stood up and dropped them in Rian and Ember's rooms. Rooms that would be vacant soon. Maybe Kat won't have to sleep on the couch anymore. She could move into one of the rooms if she wanted. That didn't help the feeling of a lead wieght in Matt's stomach. In fact it made it worse. He didn't want to say goodbye despite knowing it was time.
((I put a link to the poem since I'm not sure if Ember read it when I orignially posted it or not, but since I posted the poem in a thread in Chicago I felt I shouldn't redo it here even though I'm using it again.))
Rian
Rian walked into his room with the pair of converses he had decided he was taking with him and saw the letter on his bed. He walked over to it curious. Who would be giving him mail. Especially since there was no longer a postal system.
When he opened it and unfolded the pages he found Matt's letter and a copy of the poem underneath it. He read the letter first.
After reading Matt's words he put the letter down on his bed. He had been avoiding thinking about leaving Matt through a combination of lying to himself and saying Matt wouldn't be far away, and good old suppression which he was a master at. But he couldn't do that anymore. This letter, it made it all real, all official.
Rian was exactly surprised that he was upset. He was surprised he was letting himself feel upset. In the past he would have pushed the emotion away but it felt wrong to do that now. It felt like it would be pushing Matt away and he didn't want to do that.
He briefly thought about writing his own letter as he folded Matt's and put it in his bag, but he wasn't the best at writing. He doubted he could write a letter to express his feeling let alone a poem. He decided to go looking for Matt instead.
Ember
Ember caught Rian in his room, just as he stood up to leave. Behind him she saw the letter poking out of his bag and she held up her own as she leaned in the door frame, tapping the envelope against her temple. "I see you got one too. I figured he wouldn't go through all that trouble just for me."
She sighed and tried a slight smile, the best she could manage. "Think we should go talk to him? All this note writing seems too junior high for me. And since we don't have too much time left... well, Short-stuff was always a face to face guy. The only reason he went the postal route is because i think he didn't want to recite poetry out loud."
Rian
"Oh he's a writer all right he just doesn't share his stuff that often. Only when it's important," he said looking at the letter in Ember's hand. "I take it you got the poem too? He wrote that for the Chicago faction when we left. It means something that he's giving it to us too so I guess we should go find him. I wish I knew what to say, what do people say in these occasions?"
He joined her in the hallway and looked it up and down. He wondered where in the Haunt Matt would be found and decided to try his room first since it was closest. "I say we try his room first."
Ember
"Lead the way" Ember stepped back, allowing Rian to go first. If he didn't know what to say it was ten times worse for her. She'd left her family twice... once without saying a word, and again at the threat of death, which needless to say didn't leave time for tearful goodbyes. This was... the first time she'd had warning that she was about to leave the people she'd grown to like, well, a lot. After all, they'd only saved her life.
Matt too, was a surprisingly good friend as well as a great leader. He'd kept his head on straight, which was more than she could say of herself, and he'd given her something to do with what life she'd been left with. Leaving to go back to Las Vegas... back to where it had all started... she wished she could have him there to keep looking over her shoulder.
"Knock knock." She watched Rian rap on Matt's door, only just realizing that they were kind of bombarding him with fairwells.
Matt
Matt was in his room. He was watching out the window, wishing the sky was darker. Night meant he could go bat and fly around outside. Night meant he could forget things that were all too real now. Absently he toyed with a black, carved stallion on a leather cord that hung on his neck, the one Rian had given him before they'd left Chicago. For everyone else in Chicago the carved pendants had ended up as a goodbye gift.
Matt sighed. It was still too early. He wasn't going to get a dark sky for a while. He glanced at the few belongings in his room. A horse saddle, some clothes including his original morphing suit, a photograph of him and Sara, a notebook, and a poem on a scrap of a cigarette box. Everything in this room served as a reminder of being an Animorph, of where he'd come since joining the resistance. It showed who he'd been before and how he'd changed. Most of all it reminded him of the people he'd trusted most, the last of which he was losing.
He dropped the pendant from his hand and it clicked against the other necklace he wore, the dogtag with the zodiac sign for Gemini and the letter M on it. I once told Raven I lose everyone I trust. I lost Sara to the yeerks, and even though I got her back I lost her to moving here. I lost Lex when he moved to Dallas and died. I lost Raven when I was promoted,even though I still see her once and a while. Now I'm losing Rian to him being promoted. I wasn't wrong. I do lose everyone I trust, and I don't have any idea who to turn to now.
Matt heard the knock on his door. "Come in," he called. He turned to watch as Ember and Rian entered. Time to face the music. He'd known putting the notes in their rooms was initiating the goodbyes. He'd known, and as much as he'd wanted to avoid saying goodbye he'd done it anyways. God I'm being selfish. I mean.... Jullian was closer to Ember than me and..... I don't even know how well he's taking it. I couldn't tell when I was sick and haven't bothered to notice now. I'm not doing my job and that's not right.
Ember
Ember went in first, breaking the mood with a weak joke. "What's up short-stuff? I feel like I'm getting broken up with over a sticky note." Again the letter was on display, this time tapping against her thigh out of nervous habit. "We both figured we'd come by to talk in person, because well.. text messaging isnt an option anymore."
Swing and a miss. Lame. Why was she acting so jittery? It wasn't like they were leaving right that second. No hugs or tears. Nothing so dramatic. Just a few fond words exchanged between friends and hopefully they could all get through this without feeling like some cheesy after school special.
Rian
"You broke up with people with text messaging? Wow, that's rough." He had no idea why he was responding to Ember's comment. He guess it was easier to joke around than to start talking about why they were actually here. "I always went for the facebook wall post myself. More public, always ended things quicker."
He looked at Matt. "So um, yeah we came to say goodbye I guess and, well I at least, came by to thank you for everything. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you and I definitely wouldn't be a faction leader without your guidance and support." Well that hadn't been that hard. Who knew he had those sincere words in him. Maybe it was easier to say because he meant it all.
Matt
Matt smiled weakly at Ember's joke. She'd tried to brighten the mood, he couldn't blame her for that. Still, saying goodbye was hard. It wasn't something anyone ever wanted to do, but sometimes it just had to happen. I don't think I'll ever like saying goodbye. I only hope the next one comes a little later on. It seems too short for all that's happened in this time.
Matt listened to Rian, thinking of what they'd been through since Chicago. Too many near-death experiences, but at the same time they'd both learned a lot from each other. "You always had it in you, the ability to be a leader," Matt said. "I just helped you find it. Every leader is different and each leads differently. It's a lot easier seeing the potential in someone else than seeing it in yourself."
He was trying to keep it together. This wasn't like when he'd left Chicago. There didn't need to be hugs and tears. It wasn't quite effective on making him look less depressed though. He sighed. "I'm not ready to say goodbye, to either of you. At the same time I know I'm well enought to lead, or will be fairly soon here. Besides, you have a member from Vancouver who'll be joining your faction and I can't keep putting off telling Matthias to send him to Vegas. We've held it up long enough."
He picked up something from the bed beside him and held it out to Rian. It was the blue cube Cassie had given Matt to pass onto Rian. This hadn't gotten passed on before now. "The Haunt won't be the same without you two."
Ember
"What? You're telling me you're really going to miss all the near death experiences I've put you through?" Ember smiled, "But... It has been really fun. Finding this group, and a leader like you when I did... probably.. no, it really did save my life. In more ways than I know how to say thank you for." Her eyes shifted to an interesting bit of floor as she continued to speak, feeling the blood rush to her cheeks the more she struggled to say what she felt. It was an awkward sensation, but she just had to get through it.
"I am going to miss LA. It's was my home before all this happened, and you made me feel like it belonged to me again. I didn't have that... and I didn't realize how much I needed it. The group, my friends. I thought those things were lost. But through the animorphs i've been given the power to take that back... and it's time to help others do the same." Her fingers got so twisted in her hair by the end of her mini-speech she thought she'd never get them loose. The nervous habit giving her something to split her attention on. "We've had a great run. And if you ever need my help, just call. Even if you just need someone to get you in trouble."
Matt
Matt had to laugh at what Ember said about the near death experiences. If anything he'd been in closer calls without her help, but she'd given him a hard time too. It didn't bother him so much. Protecting his members was a job that might cost him his life, and all he could think was it would be better his life than one of theirs.... in his mind anyways.
Matt smiled as Ember continued dispite her discomfort at expressing her feelings. "You'll always have a home here, both of you. If there's ever no where else to turn don't feel bad about coming back to me for help. As far as seeing you..... Vegas isn't that far. We might see a little bit of each other if things work out. If nothing else I can stop through on my way to faction leader meetings, Rian and I could travel together so it's not as lonely." Now that Rian had the cube there was one other thing to deliver, but it would wait until after he finished with Ember and Rian. I think Jullian needs a private talk when I give it to him. Not because he's done anything wrong, just because this might be part of the source of his off emotions lately.
Rian
It seemed they both had a lot to thank Matt for and he couldn't believe they were leaving. He held the blue box in his hand and for a moment he stared into it's blue glow, contemplating all that it meant for the future. Then he looked up at Matt. "Goodbye Matthew. I'm sure we'll see each other before too long." He smiled, "I know we will."
He looked at Ember, still smiling. Goodbyes were always sad but he had suddenly realized that this was real. They were leaving and starting something new and there was good in that too. "You ready to go? We still have to go get Luce and say goodbye to the others but if we leave today we can make good time before sunset."
Ember
"Yeah." Ember nodded, "Just give me some time to talk to Kat, and the others." she thought of Jullian and any smile she might have had disappeared.
She edged out past Rian through the door, going down the hall way to pack up her things. The old side bag she'd had on her since before all of this had happened was stuffed in the bottom of the closet along with her few things of laundry. She tucked it all away and set it up to be taken out later. It wouldn't be too hard to fit all of her things on the saddles they had acquired for the trip... but she was surprised to find that she wanted to keep a lot of the little things she'd gotten since being here. The extra clothing, the fabric pieces, other knick knacks that were worthless... but priceless. And once her things were gone and the bed re-made it was like she'd never been there at all.
She'd give it to Kat, she'd already decided. It was the least she could do to make up for all her bickering. After all the girl wasn't so bad, and having to sleep on a couch just wasn't right once she was the only female member. Ember didn't want any of the guys to wreck the room in case she visited, but that wasn't the only reason. She wanted to give Kat something of a farewell gift and although the girl would probably claim it anyway, just in case Ember wanted to hand it over personally.
Matt
"Goodbye Rian.... It's amazing how I never thought I'd have to say that. Moving out here I didn't see where the future might take things. You're right though, we'll see each other again." Matt said this. He'd intended to say something to Ember, but she left before he could. Oh well. Tearful goodbyes weren't what they needed right now. Time to let them go.
"I need to go find Jullian," he said standing up. "I have something Helena gave me to pass onto him, when I saw her in New York." He picked the necklace with the ornate dagger up off his bed. "Hope you don't mind if I steal him for a few moments before you guys say goodbye. I think this needs to be passed on in private. I don't know how emotional he'll get over it and I don't want him to get embarassed or anything." He passed Rian as he left the room. Ember and Rian had packing to do anyways, and now that his goodbyes were said there wasn't much reason for standing around delaying things more.
Katrina
The seascape was always a breath taking site and as Rian and Ember said their goodbyes, Kat had taken to the beach. She was part of the faction so she probably should have been inside saying her own goodbyes, but she felt kind of awkward. She didn't want to get in the way of whatever Matt would want to say to the two of them, or the other way around. She wasn't exactly very close with either of them so she didn't want to ruin the moment.
She'd been taking to the beach a lot lately, just sitting alone and thinking. Sometimes she was interrupted by Bane or Stevert, but most of the time it was just her and the company of her music. It was up kind of loud, blocking out the roaring of the waves. Ironically enough, Kat hated the alone time and what thoughts it brought to her mind, but she continued to do it anyway.
The topic of Ember and Rian's departure was a tricky one. She wasn't sure how exactly she felt about it. Matt was sad about loosing his second in command and one of his first members, while Jullian had been bitter at being left behind, but Kat was unsure of her feelings. It was going to be... weird without them. She and Ember weren't exactly the best of pals, but they were no longer at each others throats. They'd learned there lesson after the last mishaps back in the sewers. Kat wasn't extremely close to Rian though, but she wasn't sure how things would be once he was gone. She was used to him being around and she still appreciated how he'd tried to forget what she'd done to him and promised to work with her even if he didn't necessarily forgive her.
Katrina sighed and the song changed.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of L.A.
The footsteps that were next to me have gone their separate ways...
Kat glanced down at the MP3 player, raising a brow. Kind of funny that it chose to play this song now. Since she'd first joined up with the animorphs she'd connected the song to her situation, making it kind of like a theme song or something. She sighed as the chorus kicked in and she began to sing it in a whisper, closing her eyes some.
"They say that evil comes disguised. Like a city of angels I'm walking towards the light. Baptized in the river, I've seen a vision of my life and I wanna be delivered. In the city was a sinner, I've done a lot of things wrong but I swear I'm a believer. Like the prodigal son, I was out on my own, now I'm trying to find my way back hom-"
Kat shut her mouth and changed the song before it made some of the things she'd thought about while staring off at the ocean came back to her. She didn't feel like thinking about them anymore right now, and as the beat of another song came to her ears she stared down at the sand with an intense stare.
Bane
Bane had gone outside to let Matthew say his goodbyes to Ember and Rian. He wasn't close to either of them, but he knew that Rian would make a great leader. Ember was a good member to have as well, he was sure they'd do well.
"They say that evil comes disguised. Like a city of angels I'm walking towards the light."
That sounded like...Kat? He thought, shoving his hands in the pocket of his coat. He was glad to be wearing the thing again after all the missions in just the morph suit.
He headed for the beach.
"In the city was a sinner, I've done a lot of things wrong but I swear I'm a believer."
Definitely Kat. She's singing. He smiled. The song fit.
"now I'm trying to find my way back hom-"
She stopped. Bane wondered why, then played over the rest of the song in his head. He wasn't too familiar with it's lyrics, but enough to have an idea of what came next.
You're from a small town.
You're gonna grow up fast.
Underneath these lights.
Strange how much this song fit both their situations. He saw her now, staring at the sand.
"Hey Kat," He said, walking over. "Something wrong?" She was his closest friend here, needless to say he was worried.
To the praying Mother the worried Father
Let your children go
If they come back they'll come home stronger
And if they don't you'll know.
Was Kat as homesick as he was?
Rian
Rian finished packing everything into his saddle bags and attached them to the saddle he had modified for his stag morph. Finding himself packed he went out into the living room, but realized that he didn't have much to say to anyone. He worried that that was bad. Leaving LA felt like leaving a home and a family behind and yet, now that the time was here he realized that he had never really had a chance to get to know most of the members.
And there didn't seem to be any of them around at the moment to even say goodbye to. He sat down in the living room and waited for first Matt and then Ember to speak to Jullian. To be honest he was feeling a little sorry for himself.
Luce
Luce walked into the common room, chewing on a cereal bar. She was wearing only her morphing suit which consisted of some shorts and a gray a-shirt and the knife that was a constant companion was strapped to her thigh. Her saddle was outside on the porch and everything was ready to go.
She had been here for a couple of days and had pretty much just tried to stay out of everyone's way. She wasn't staying so there was no point in leaving enemies behind her and that is what she tended to make of people instead of friends.
And that is what she was currently doing. She had been about to go wait outside on the porch but had seen two of the LA members out there and changed her mind.
When she walked into the living room she saw the kid, Rian was his name, jeez she should learn it if he was going to be her faction leader. He seemed to just be sitting and staring at nothing.
"Hi."
Rian
"Oh, hey." He hadn't really had a chance to speak to Luce while she had been here. He had tried a couple of times to find her and get to know her a little but he hadn't tried that hard. He figured they would have plenty of time to get to know each other on their trip to Las Vegas and if she wanted to make herself scarce then that was her business.
"Hey Luce. Normally I would just ask if you are ready to go. I don't like prying into people's pasts. But currently I have nothing to do and wouldn't mind hearing any stories you have to share so instead I'll ask, what's New York like? And how did you get to be an animorph?"
Luce
She looked at him. This was the person who everyone had so much confidence in? She wasn't necessarily making a judgement about him just yet, just marking certain things.
"New York is pretty much a war ground. You guys have it nice out here in LA. Got your quaint headquarters and your family faction. New York isn't like that. First of all, while we all trust each other with our lives, we don't really have any bonds of love going on, at least I didn't. People die too often for that. And we have to hide all the time. Yeerks, controllers are everywhere. And we aren't safe on the streets, hell, most low ranking controllers aren't safe on the streets so we are down right hunted. Free humans that is. New York is just...harder than LA, but since when has that been news."
Rian
"Oh, yeah I guess it was like that before. Or maybe not. I mean, LA is a lie isn't it? That's what all the songs say. It is all angels, sunshine and soft living on the surface but underneath all that it is dirty and mean and can mess you up. I remember that an uncle of mine once told me never to move to LA. His younger brother had come here and basically pissed his life away with drugs until he died of an overdose. I never knew him." When had this conversation and this day turned so dark. He tried to lighten the mood and change the topic.
"So, animorph, how did you become one?" He figured that would be a happier story. For most people becoming an animorph had been a good thing, a chance to fight back for wrongs did them. They all had a feeling of purpose and being called to duty about them.
Luce
"I was a controller. My yeerk tried to infiltrate the animorphs. It starved and I was freed. End of story." If there was one topic that Luce felt any feelings for it should have been her time spent as a slave. Jals hadn't been your average power hungry yeerk. She had craved experiences instead, seemingly endlessly fascinated with human pleasures of all sorts.
And so Jals had used her body in every way it was possible to use it. Luce had experienced the effects of every drug on earth and that was pretty much the tamest of the experiences she had been put through. Jals had violated her body in a more complete way than any rapist in all of human history.
She should have felt something about it. But she didn't. She felt nothing. And she knew that was wrong, that things shouldn't be that way. But she had long ago stopped asking herself what was wrong with her. There were a lot of things wrong with her and none of them could be fixed now. Whatever she could have become before Jals was gone, ripped away more completely than her freedom. She couldn't pine over it though sometimes, when she saw people like Matthias or even Ember, when she saw people that she could have been like she felt something akin to regret. But she had to deal with what was and not what could have been.
Katrina
The music drowned most of Bane's voice out but she was aware someone was there. Her head went up and the headphones came off her her ears in time to catch. "-thing wrong?" It was Bane's voice and he was gazing down at her, his hands in the trench coat he wore when he didn't need to morph. Katrina guessed at what he had fully said, forcing on a smile.
"..Hey Bane. Nah, just sitting out here enjoying the waves." She said with a shrug. Her eyes went back to the rolling ocean. Things were bugging her, starting to weigh her down, but she didn't want to bring them up or cast her thoughts on other members. "You didn't want to crash the goodbye party either?" She asked lightly, figuring he might feel as awkward as she did standing around while Matt, Ember, and Rian gave their goodbyes to eachother.
Bane
Bane smirked oddly. "They must not be very interesting waves...you were staring holes in the sand." He looked out over the water. "Yeah..I mean...it'll be weird with Rian and Ember gone..but I wasn't really that close with them...and I know they'll do fine."
His expression faded as he watched the waves and smelled the salt in the air. He hadn't really come to the beach area often. "It reminds me of home...I used to live near the docks." Bane said, almost as if he were talking to himself more than Kat. "It sucks being so far from where I spent most of my life."
He turned back to Kat, wanting to stay away from that conversation. "Hey, maybe Matt's done with his goodbyes? We should atleast go and see them one more time before they leave."
Katrina
A sheepish smile slowly crept onto Kat's face. He was right, she had been focusing her gaze on the sand instead of enjoying the waves like she'd told him. A soft laugh escaped her lips after his comment. "Guess I just got lost in the music. I know what you mean with Rian and Ember... I wasn't exactly close to them either, it's just going to be weird missing two members that you know should be there.."
Her gray eyes peered up at him from where she sat, watching as his expression faded away. He was staring off at the ocean and his words confirmed her assumption that he was thinking of home, the very thing she didn't want to think about at the moment. "...yea..." She mumbled, kind of trying to sound like she was interested but her voice sounded like it cracked a little and she was sure the way she'd spoken gave away her urgency to move away from the topic right now.
Kat was on her feet quickly as Bane spoke again, glad he'd moved to something different. "Y-Yea. We should at least say goodbye and see them off..." She moved quickly, passing Bane so he couldn't see her face when he walked. She felt kind of embarrassed from what she might have revealed in her tone before with the cracking and the urgent tone.
Stevert
Swam gave a few last kicks with his dolphin's tail before concentrating on his normal body that he and Robert shared. As he let the momentum of the dolphin carry him towards the shore, he focused on demorphing as fast as he could. By the time he reached the shore, he was a drenched, fourteen year old kid wading through the surf. In their mind, Robert said, <<Nice trick bro. Maybe you should try doing things like that with your other morphs? Besides trying to fly as a human when you demorph from blue jay. Morphing in motion might save our lives one day.>>
Robert's thoughts kept Steve occupied as he walked towards the Haunt. His patrol was finished for awhile so Robert kept bombarding him with thoughts to say good-bye to Ember and Rian. Steve walked up to the house, still dripping from his swim as a human and bottlenose dolphin. He walked through the front door and saw Rian and the new girl, Luce, just talking to each other. Normally Steve would have just barged in and started talking before he realized that anyone was talking, but Robert had foreseen that and forced Steve to wait until there was a break in the conversation. As soon as one appeared, Steve said, "Hey! You're still here! good. I thought you'd leave before Rob and I got a chance to say good-bye."
Ember
Ember wandered around upstairs in the boy's loft room for awhile, having already wandered through the other rooms in the Haunt. She was supposed to be looking for people, but she'd gotten caught up in the strangely nostalgic act of trying to memorize each room just the way it was before she had to leave. Dirty clothes, discarded morphing suits, a few misplaced dishes... not to mention Jullian's wall papered designs everywhere. A pang hit her and again she thought about staying... but then she remembered Rian and how much he'd need her there, and if she stayed it would mean that she didn't trust the Kid enough to let him go.
She didn't realize it, but after their shopping trip Ember had made a silent pact within herself to never let him come to harm again. And if anything ever did happen to him she would feel responsible for it. If she wasn't here, then how would she make sure he was ok? How would she be sure that he didn't throw himself into danger again? The thoughts left her cold and dissatisfied, frustrated at her situation and all the emotions that tangled up inside her, strangling her in their grip. It was pathetic. She should be stronger than this. Before she could brush off people like they didn't exist, like she was the only thing important in the world and how dare they assume she would even notice their little pity parties. Suck it up, she'd think, and step over them without a second thought.
But back then she didn't have a family. Back then... she didn't even have friends. And when she finally found one person she could connect with in the world, she was ripped away in the night, leaving her alone again. All the worse because now... now she knew what she was missing. Standing moodily in the middle of the boy's room wasn't going to fix that though. She was just going to have to face that she was about to loose another friend. Maybe even several friends, for though she hadn't known them for long and probably hadn't made the best of impressions, all the LA faction had grown closer whether they liked it or not.
Matt
Matt came up into the room, ducking from the ceiling that was just a tad too low for him to stand up straight. He spotted Ember in the room. Knowing how close to Jullian she'd been, it made sense that he was the first one she'd gone to look for. Matt wondered whether Helena's message or Ember's goodbye should be the first thing Jullian heard. He didn't really know, which was a first in a long while that he didn't know something for sure.
"You can't find him either, can you?" Matt asked as he got closer. Ember had a sort of nostalgic look on her face. She was going to miss it here. "Ummm.... Hey. I wanted to say something more back in my room. I know I've been hard on you at times, but I hope we can still end as friends after all of it..... now that I'm not your faction leader anymore." He didn't mean anything beyond that. Just that now he was nothing more than another Animorph, a fellow fighter.
He toyed with the necklace in his hand. Where was Jullian anyways?
Bane
Bane had noticed the crack in Kat's voice, but decided it was best to let it go. She didn't want to talk about it, that was obvious, and neither did he. He just continued back to the Haunt.
He saw Steve go in ahead of them, completely oblivious to the two teens who would walk in behind him. When he heard Steve's comment about Rian possibly leaving before they could say goodbye, he was suddenly glad he'd decided to say it now. The corner of his lips curled into a smile.
"You wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to your old teammates, now would you?" True, he hadn't been close, but he respected Rian a lot. He wanted to wish him luck, though he doubted the soon-to-be Las Vegas leader would need it.
Jullian
Jullian plodded up the stairs to his attic room. He had pretty much been avoiding everybody for the past couple of days. The longest conversation he had had was with that girl Meredith and she hadn't even stuck around very long. Besides for that he had found that he didn't really want to talk to anyone...especially not Ember, or Rian for that matter.
He dragged his laundry up from where they had found the machines in the basement. The morphing suits were getting a serious beating with all these sewer runs and he didn't want to have to smell sewer when he came home.
He walked into the shared attic room to find two occupants already there and not the two who it belonged to. He stared at Matt and Ember. Great, emotional double teaming me. Matt will no doubt want to talk about our feelings or at least mine. He's so interested in finding out what everyone else feels and making sure everyone confides in him but he doesn't confide in any of us.
And Ember. He didn't even look at her. He didn't want to hear anything that either of them had to say. He acted like they weren't there and began putting his cloths away in his drawer.
Rian
Rian had been trying to figure out what to say after Luce revealed that she had once been a controller. What do you say to an ex controller? 'Good job with getting free.' Was there anything to really say? He had no idea what it was like to be a controller. Well, he knew something about being trapped in a body. But he had a feeling that that was different. He had been trapped in a body he hated. She had been trapped in her own body and forced to watch while it was forced to do things.
Luckily Steve saved him from figuring it out right then by coming into the Haunt. Right after him came Bane. "Naw, I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye." He gave a quick glance to Luce to see if she minded this interruption but he couldn't read her expression. "I was just waiting here. I guess maybe I should have gone looking for you guys but I figured you'd show up," he said with a smile. "When I left Chicago I left them with gifts. I had made necklaces for everyone and they just ended up being goodbye gifts. I wish I had something to leave with you guys but all I can say is that I'm really proud to have known you both."
Stevert
Steve's mouth instantly said, "Good. Now that we've said good-bye, you can leave anytime. Nah, I'm just joking. Besides I-". Robert cut Steve off and siad, using Steve's mouth, "Steve and I were honored to have fought by your side as well. We have all been through a lot together. Besides, Steve and I have never liked necklaces to much. And we don't need gifts or anything. Good luck in Las Vegas!"
<<Ok brother. You can take over now.>> Steve turned towards Luce and said, "Good-bye. My brother and I didn't know you very well but we still would like to wish you luck." Steve walked over to her, and with Rob's prodding, extended his hand to her.
Luce
This was a very friendly place. She was glad they were moving on. She just wasn't used to all this civility. They were fighting a war and yet this faction still found time for hand shakes and hellos. It was weird.
She took Steve's extended hand. But something about the way he had spoken seemed a little off to her. It reminded her strongly of something but she couldn't place what. She should have. She should have recognized a controller immediately after haven been one for so long. Maybe it was just the fact that there was no real struggle for control that was confusing her. But as she shook Steve's hand she made a mental note to ask Rian or Ember about him later since something was off.
Katrina
Katrina was right behind Bane. She'd rushed past him when they first started heading towards the haunt but before they got to it she'd slowed down so they were walking closer to each other. She stopped beside Bane, looking at Rian and Luce.
"Its gonna be kind of wierd here without you and Ember.." Kat voiced, "But good luck in Vegas.You're going to be a great leader Rian."
Kat smiled at him a bit. She half wondered if he'd forgiven her yet for her actions on their first meeting but she wasn't going to bring it up or ask. He'd said maybe some day he would, until then he had promised to just work with her.
Matt
Matt saw Jullian and realized this was going to be a lot harder than he thought. Jullian didn't seem like he wanted to talk, and Matt had to admit that despite trying to be there for his members to confide in he didn't trust them much with how he felt..... mostly because he still felt like he should try to keep a strong face like Raven had. Still, that hadn't worked thus far in L.A. Maybe it was time to try a new approach.
"Ummmm.... Hey Jullian. I have a message I should have delivered when I first got back here. It's from Helena." He approached Jullian and held out his open hand containing the necklace. Okay so he'd intended to do this in private, but considering Jullian probably trusted Ember the most of any of the faction members it hardly mattered that she was there. "She said she hopes you're okay and asked me to keep you safe for her."
He intended to stop there..... but there was something else he felt he needed to say. "Look, I know I'm not the greatest about trusting you guys. I keep thinking if I show weakness you'll see me as less able to lead. Still, with Rian leaving I need someone I can trust, both with my own thoughts when I can't handle them myself or when they start affecting my judgment and with being my new second. You're the member with the most experience, meaning the job is yours if you want it." He shut up now, feeling like he might have just stuck his foot in his mouth and hoping he hadn't.
Rian
Rian was feeling like he had been a little foolish earlier when he had been feeling sorry for himself. Here was the rest of the faction to say goodbye too and even though they hadn't been together long, the short time they had been together they had done a lot and grown closer than many people did in months.
He looked at Kat, who had come in after Bane and missed his original speech. He wondered what it was he should say to her. He never really had forgiven her for what had happened. But he also recognized that that was his fault, not her's. He hadn't made an effort because he simply hadn't wanted to deal.
He walked over to her. "I was glad to work with you too. I know that we kinda had a bad start but I think we got past it ok."
Ember
Oh great. Ember sat, back against the wall, as Matt tried to talk to Jullian about something that obviously didn't include her. She was still thinking about his words to her earlier and was grateful that they could part on such good terms, without being so stiff about it, and yet...
Everything was jumbled, why couldn't she just take one thing at a time instead of having to deal with awkward dual conversations? She needed to talk to Jullian, but he needed to hear about his sister... not her. Matt wanted to have a conclusion, but he had an obligation to talk with Jullian. And as for everyone else in the Haunt, she still hadn't gotten around to saying good bye. In fact she hadn't even told anyone she was leaving officially, although she doubted there was anyone who didn't know. It was a small house after all.
Ok, ok, there's two options. Ember glanced at the door thinking, there's number one.
Bane
"Yeah, what...er...Robert said, we don't need any gifts. Knowing you was enough," Bane smiled. "I know you'll do really well as a leader." He knew how good Rian was at coming up with plans from the experiences in the tunnels.
"It really will be weird without you two," Bane agreed with Kat. "And I do wish we'd had more time to get to know each other, but I still feel I can truly say I liked being in the same faction as you." He extended his hand to shake with Rian.
Katrina
Kat watched as Rian came towards her. Her gray eyes were on him as he spoke, a slight smile forming on her face. "All I really wanted was a chance..." She told him with a small shrug, "Thanks for giving me one and not holding it over my head." She guessed this was close enough to being told she'd been forgiven, even if that wasn't exactly how it was phrased. It was good enough for her.
"You're gonna do great in Vegas. Make sure Ember plays nice with the knew faction mates." She tried to joke lightly, but she did hope Ember wouldn't get into anything like she had with Kat when it came to her new faction.
Jullian
Jullian wasn't looking at Matt while Matt said his little speech about Helena and for a long time he didn't respond. Still not looking at Ember or Matt, and so not seeing the necklace, he said, "She didn't care enough to visit. But she wants you to keep me safe. 'Cause that's all I am right? Just some kid that needs to be kept safe. Safe and out of the way. She left me behind." He glanced at Ember.
He turned angrily to Matt. "I'm just some stupid, weak kid. I'm not your second. I can't lead anybody. I get scared in sewers and Steve had to hold my hand. Pick Kat, pick Steve. I don't care but I'm outa here." He looked at the necklace. He knew what it was but right now it just looked like one more thing sent to protect him. He angrily walked out of the room.
Ember
"Jules!" Ember chased after the Kid. She'd have to finish her good bye to Matt later. "Wait! Stop! Stop..." She reached out and grabbed his arm as they got to the bottom of the stairs. Wrenching him back so he had to face her, Ember found it hard to look back...
"Wait, please. I.. i didn't mean for this to happen. Going to Vegas is... I'm needed, you know?" She tried to explain, but it came out as lame as it sounded in her head. "And i know i'm not.. i can't..." What should she say? That she was angry at Helena too? That anyone who abandoned this kid was heartless and... herself. She wanted so badly to be there for him because he needed her but she knew that she couldn't. His sister was the one who could be there. Ember had to move on.
Matt
Matt sighed as Jullian and then Ember ran out of the room. He hung his head and wished he could do something, anything, to fix this. It had gone as well as he could have expected and now he had to let Ember do her work. Lets face it. Jullian has never trusted me and with right. I don't trust him so why should he? He trusted Ember, and now she's leaving. I know how he feels somewhat, from when Lex left, but he doesn't need to hear that.
Matt dropped the necklace onto the bed then moved over away from it and sat down on the floor, putting his head in his hands. ' I can't lead anybody...... Pick Kat, pick Steve. I don't care....' Jullian's words rang over and over again in Matt's mind. He ran over the options besides Jullian. Steve and Robert, admittedly they weren't bad, but Matt trusted Robert much more than Steve to lead with a mature head. Kat, Mat still felt she had a little learning to do after the incident with the coyote morph and the one in the sewers. Bane, would be a possibility but overall he was the most recent addition to the team so Matt would really rather have someone else.
"He's not just a kid that needs to be kept safe," Matt muttered to himself. Saying it out loud helped, a lot more than keeping it in did. He just had to be sure no one was around when he did. "He's someone I would trust to lead this group. Let's face it, everyone has their weakness. Jullian was uncomfortable in the tunnels to begin with, possibly he's claustrophobic. Still, when it comes down to it he takes risks with a seemingly level head and will follow orders when he trusts someone......"
Shaking his head Matt stayed there, out of the way. He'd done enough damage today. Time to let things sort themselves out since it seemed he never could be part of the solution. What had happened to people trusting him?
Jullian
He wanted to just run away from her, from Matt, from all of them. He didn't want to have to deal with any of this, especially not the responsibility Matt was trying to entrust him with. The truth was Jullian had no faith in himself. When had he ever done something of worth? When had he ever contributed something to the team that someone else couldn't have done or even done better? He couldn't point to one example so why should Matt chose him and why should Ember want to stay?
He stopped and slouched against the hallway wall. The slouch turned itself into a full on slump and he found himself sitting on the floor. "Whatever Ember. I know you have to go. I get it ok. I was raised on duty and honor and all that. You're needed in Las Vegas so you're going to Las Vegas. And Helena was needed in Vancouver so that's where she stayed. Apparently now she is needed in New York so that's where she is. My mom was like that too. I just wonder," he sniffed a bit trying to hold back tears that would only further demonstrate how weak he was, " where does duty end and family begin? My mom, I know she loved me but duty came first. And I know Helena loves me but...Why do I always come last? And how come I don't feel it too? I don't have that sense of duty everyone else seems to be running around with. You, Matt, even Rian, all filled up with purpose. And you all seem so sure of yourselves. Like maybe not as people but you all seem to know so well what you were put here to do even if you're not sure how to do it. I don't have that and I just wish I did. I wish I knew. I thought becoming an animorph would always mean I was on the right side, that I would always know what to do, what was right, that I would be worth something. But I don't feel any different and I think I should."
Ember
Ember slowly got to her knees, falling opposite to Jullian in the hall. "Kid..." She stopped herself, "No, you're not a kid. I wish you were. I wish I had a brother like you... that I could be your sister and protect you all the time. It's.. I don't think... it's not easy to say- to admit but..."She swallowed on the gob of emotions in the back of her throat, clearing them away for the moment. "I've held you back. I really have ...a lot of people have." Her eyes shifted downwards, "Your mom, your sister... I don't know why they left. But I know why I'm leaving... I know now, because of what you've said. I'm leaving because, yes there's a sense of honor, and yes i have to keep fighting. But, the most important reason i have to leave is so that you can take my place."
She smiled a little, looking back up at him. "You're it, Kid. You're the glue that's going to hold this place together. You're going to take over for Rian and me, and yes, you're even going to accept Matt's offer. And don't worry, I'm not telling you to do it now, but... when you're ready, he's going to need you. All the members here will. They're going to need all those great qualities I see in you; Bravery, kindness, love. You don't have to have a military sense of duty to be important. You may be young, and think that you can't understand life, but when I'm gone you're going to be able to grow and someday... when you've saved this faction more times than you can count, you and I are going to meet again." Settling beside him, she pulled him in close and squeezed him tightly. "What we're fighting for... it's this. It's friends, and family, and allowing for the things that we used to take for granted to happen again. And when this is all over, you'll know, when you return to your family and they see the person you've become, you'll know. Until then, we've just got to keep going, though not always in the same direction."
She hiccuped a laugh, trying to hold back from crying. "Here." Letting go, with more effort than she thought it would take, Ember reached into her pocket and pulled out her knife. "Freud says when you want to see a person again very badly, you leave something with them to return for." She pressed it into his hand, "This way... you know I'll come back."
Jullian
Jullian took the knife and burst out laughing. He tried to stop laughing long enough to tell Ember the reason for the laughter but he couldn't manage it for a while. He didn't want her to think that he hadn't heard what she'd said, that he hadn't taken it in, that he hadn't appreciated it but he could not stop laughing.
Finally he regained enough control to gasp out, "Ember, I think you would have fit in my family perfectly." He flicked the knife open and then closed it, showing an unconscious grace that didn't seem to fit with the rest of his personality...but he had been raised by the same mother Helena had.
He tucked the knife into his belt and got up and hugged her. He didn't let go for a while, knowing that this might be one of the last times he saw her in a while. "Thanks Em."
Ember
Ember held on equally as long, realizing, as he did, that they wouldn't be able to see each other for maybe... forever. Her words had meant to inspire him, and she sincerely hoped they would come true, but there was always the darker possibility...
And yet, pulling back and looking into his contagious smile, those thoughts were immediately put away as a warming hope she hadn't felt since Adelaide's death filled her to the brim. The kid had a really good heart. There was no greater power in the universe, and nothing could take that away.
"Alright!" She took him by the shoulders, "Now go back and talk to Matt. I have to go wrap things up here, try to fit everything back into one bag. But you, ha, you've got a lot more work ahead of you."
Jullian
"Alright. Thanks again Em." He stood up. He would see her again he was sure.
He walked back into his room and found Matt. Instantly his sort of good mood dimmed as he tried to figure out what to say to make everything ok again.
"Matt, I'm, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have run off. I've been acting like a child. I mean I am a kid," he looked down, "but I think I've been letting that be my exuse for everything lately. But the originals were children when they started too, same as me, and I should...well I'm not exactly sure what I should do all the time. But I know that I want to help you and if that means being your second then I'll do my best."
He walked over and picked up the necklace that Helena had sent for him. His sister had given him the thing that meant most to her. He should have seen that. "You may regret your choice before too long but I'll do my best," he said, a little of the old insecurity creeping in.
Matt
Matt glanced over as Jullian spoke. Watching as he picked the necklace up and hearing all that was said before speaking himself. "No one's perfect, Jullian. Not even me and you've seen what happens when my flaws come out. I try to be a brick wall and hold myself accountable for everything, but I crumble under the weight. The originals, from what I've heard they were all your age when this war started and I don't doubt one of them was actually the leader, not just a second. True you and that person aren't exactly the same, but age doesn't really matter anymore. Most of the people fighting this war are eighteen and under. There's only three people over that age and their the other three faction leaders besides Rian and me."
He stood up off the floor and gave Jullian the best smile he could manage with the shadow that the current events were holding over their heads. It was hard to smile when this all was happening because they were having to say goodbye to Rian and Ember. "Even I doubt myself sometimes Jullian. And I know that might be kind of weird to hear when I've got the live of everyone in this faction in my hands, but that's actually the reason I doubt myself sometimes. I worry about the consequences of every order I give because I don't want to lose a faction member. I've already seen what that's like."
He shook of the thoughts of Lex. They hadn't lost someone since then, not in his faction yet and not anyone he'd known in Chicago. "If I ever do come to regret making you my second.... well, it won't be the first time I've regretted a decision. I've made some pretty dumb ones, but this one I'm fairly confident about." The thing Matt thought was that maybe Jullian just needed to see he could be the strong one, didn't need to depend on someone else. Maybe Jullian could give Helena the shock of her life by growing up into someone much more confident and self reliant before they saw each other again.
