Post by dexter on Sept 23, 2009 22:34:54 GMT -5
Ember:
Ember paced up and down, the telephone sitting dumbly on Rian's desk.
She'd asked to do this alone when she'd heard the news... That she was the new Faction Leader. That she was going to have to leave Rian, and Luce, and all the others in Vegas. Her family... People who's lives she'd saved, and who had saved hers in return. And this time when she moved... Rian wouldn't be coming with her. He had to stay here, and she had to go to Boston...
The night before she'd found a wall map and laid it out on the floor, holding back the corners and counting finger lengths between Las Vegas and Boston. It was about thirty... Ember could barely stand to be one room away from him. Seeing all those miles nearly crushed her right there. But she couldn't refuse. No matter how hard she wanted to stay, there was another part of her that knew that she would have to go. The world needed her... how many nineteen year old girls could claim that? She tried to smile, just as she'd tried so hard when she'd first gotten the news. But then, like now, she just couldn't.
But every cloud had a silver lining. Ember couldn't stay with Rian, but that didn't mean she would be going alone either. She had her choice of a second to accompany her to Boston and help her get started. At first she wasn't sure if she could ask whom she wanted to, since she hadn't seen him in so long... but she had to try. He was the one person in the world she felt could help her start over, be there to help her out in rough times more than anyone else. And she missed Jullian so much...
So that was that. Ember took a deep breath and lifted the phone from it's cradle, dialing the secure number she'd gotten for LA. "Matt? Are you there, it's Ember? You know, formerly of Beverly Hills." She smiled at her own joke into the phone, but soon sobered. "I, ah, wanted to talk to you about Jules."
Matt:
The phone rang and for a moment Matt didn't realize it. The again, when you're aleep you don't notice much of anything. He'd brought it up to his room as a just it case, since if someone called he'd need to be woken up anyways. Chances were any leader would want to talk to him.
He picked up the phone and took a moment to wake up before he answered, "Hello?" The voice on the other end was Ember, not exactly who he'd expected. Then again, he realized with the fact that Matthias had gone MIA they'd need a new faction. Ray had been sent to Dallas, but that was supposed to happen before Matthias left. It didn't make up for the lost ground. Ember made a logical choice for a new leader, and it was highly likely that was what this was about.
"Hey Ember." She went to business after her short joke, he smiled a little though he too didn't keep that for long. She wanted to talk about Jules, and Matt knew what that meant. "Let me guess, you're getting promoted? Well, congrats. I think I told you once that you'd make a good leader, and I've still got faith in you. As far as Jullian being your second, well if you want to tell him yourself I can see if I can find him, but I figure his answer will be yes." She didn't really have to tell him what she wanted. He just knew. It didn't surprise Matt that Jullian would be the one she picked, not after when she and Rian had left for Vegas.
"I know how close he is to you, and personally I just got all the people Matthias abandoned in Vancouver so I have some decent pickings for a new second of my own. You need him more than I do." But.... it was only then that he realized he still wanted Jullian to stay here. Jullian was his last original recruit still in L.A. If he left, Matt felt like he'd be starting over again. That, and Matt at least felt like he was fairly close to Jullian. In the end though it was Jullian's decision, and, just like with other members who had left, Matt wouldn't stand in the way of that decision.
Ember:
Ember blinked. Then she grinned and remembered how it had been in LA. Matt always somehow managed to just read people's minds like that, cutting through any defenses they put up and just talking straight from his heart. "Uh, yeah. Thank you." she managed to finally answer, "But, Matt, I know we haven't talked in a really long time and it's kind of strange for me to just now call only to ask for your second... It's just... I don't know who else to..." She trailed off. How could she explain? How could she possibly tell him what she'd been through? What she'd become since she'd left LA? Back there, she was in a bubble where barely anything touched her. She thought at the time that she had it rough, just like a high school kid before they go to college thinks that its as tough as its going to get. But Vegas had changed her.. and she wasn't sure for the better.
If she could get back to the beginning, somehow find that normalcy again, even in just having one person who was good at keeping her grounded... maybe she wouldn't have to feel so terrible. "Matt, I'm not really sure that I can do this without him." She spoke into the phone, hoping he understood what she meant. "But I don't want to make a rift between us either. You've always been a good friend to me, and a great leader. If you want Jullian to stay there then I completely understand. He's a really good kid, and a good fighter too. But I'm sure he'd be safer if he stayed with you."
Matt:
She seemed to really stumble over making this request. "It's okay Ember, I understand how it feels. Becoming a faction leader..... It's not easy. And as much as you know you should be happy, somehow it doesn't feel right. For me it was because I'd just found my sister was a YPM controller and I had only just gotten close to the Chicago leader. I'm not sure what it might be for you, but the thing is you need that person you can trust without thinking twice. For me it was Rian. For you it's Jullian."
Matt laughed a little about Jullian being safer in L.A. "I don't think there's much safety for any of us in this war. But don't start thinking this will cause a rift between us. I might want him here in L.A., but you need him wherever you're going. Your need trumps any feelings I might have in this." He smiled, thinking about how she'd called him a good friend. They might not have gotten along perfectly when she'd been L.A., but she had called him that when she'd left for Vegas too. It made doing the right thing a little easier.
"As someone who's been where you're at, I know that having that stability makes all the difference. As your friend, I want this to go as well for you as possible. For that to happen, you feel like you need Jullian. I care too much to test that theory. He's yours. It's like I said, I've got experienced members here, and you'll need someone with his experience to help you guide the new guys you recruit." Doing the right thing wasn't easy, and yet he just couldn't be selfish and say no. It wasn't who he was.
Ember:
Ember started breathing again, only then realizing that she'd been holding tight to her breath just in case it wouldn't work out. But Matt said exactly what she needed to hear and she sighed in relief, "Ok, thank you. It's good to know that I'm not the only one that had to go through this kind of feeling. Vegas is... my new home, and now I've got to leave so soon I just- Well, you know," Her hand reached up to her shirt, feeling the necklace she always kept there but had forgotten about until she'd almost lost it. The carved wooden cardinal on the pendant was Rian's gift to her when she'd become his second, but now it was just another souvenir of a home she'd have to leave behind.
"I'm really glad that there's someone out there who's already survived what I'm going to have to go through." She sat down with the phone tucked against her ear, curling her legs to her chest and enjoying the feeling of getting to talk with a friend. Especially since, when you leave a faction, there's no guarantee that you'll ever get to hear from them again. Maybe that was why she needed Jullian to come with her and to reunite their friendship. To prove that old connections could be reformed after they are lost. That maybe someday she would be calling on Rian just like this, and they would be able to live together again, this time for good.
"Thanks Matt." She added, "I guess I should ask Jules first though, after all it'd be kind of silly to have this big deep conversation just to have him stay there." Ember smiled, thinking on how very serious she'd become. Stressing herself out over a simple question, analyzing all the reasons and details to be sure of her choice when he could just decide not to go after all.
Matt:
"Yeah," Matt said. "I know." He felt himself smile somewhat sadly as he thought of how leaving Chicago had been. Every faction leader out there had gone through this, though some maybe hadn't had as much of an issue with it. But Matt didn't have much time to think as he had to find Jullian and let Ember talk to him.
"I'll go find Jullian and let you talk to him about it," He said. He'd already told her he figured Jullian would want to go. For one thing it was Ember, someone Jullian had been extremely upset about leaving Los Angeles. For another he'd noticed how Jullian hadn't claimed a room since they'd gotten to the mansion. He had to wonder if maybe this new hideout just didn't feel like home to his second and if another change would bother him very much.
He covered the mouthpiece of the phone, wandering through the mansion calling Jullian's name. Not having a room claim to work from did make him a little harder to find. When he finally found his young second he just smiled. "You've got a call waiting from Las Vegas, Nevada. Someone named Ember Rosalind?" The slightly sarcastic question, as if he didn't know who the woman he mentioned was, was almost too natural. His parents had always done that with him when a friend had called.
He held the phone out to Jullian now, waiting for him to take it and talk to Ember. He wasn't going to tell Jullian anything, not even about Ember's promotion. She should tell him, if only so she'd hear his reaction first hand.
Jullian:
Jullian looked up at Matt, a spoonful of peanut butter half hanging out of his mouth. "Ug?" he tried to say around the peanut butter. "Egber?" He took the phone and looked at Matt slightly suspiciously. He looked a little too happy o.O
He took the phone. "Og un," he said and quickly tried to finish the peanut butter. It stuck everywhere as peanut butter was wont to do but finally his mouth was clear enough that he could speak. "What's up Ember?" he said nonchalantly though his eyes were locked on Matt. If Ember could have just called up for a little chat he had a feeling she would have done it before now so what was important enough to warrant this and why wasn't Matt telling him?
Ember:
Just hearing Jullian's voice over the phone was enough to make Ember smile again. "Hey kid! Nice to hear you again, even around the food in your mouth." She scolded a little, but it was all in good humor. For now she just wanted to talk to him, see what he had been doing, what his life had been like, if he'd seen his sister lately, what new morphs he'd gotten, if he'd found someone special...
But there wasn't much time for that. Phone calls were hard enough as it was, and she'd used up most of the time she'd been given talking to Matt. She knew that even if Jullian said yes they would still have to wait awhile to actually see one another, but it was the best she could hope for. Right now, she had business to talk. "Hey look, I don't have long... but, I've been made a Faction Leader." She took a deep breath, plunging in, "And I could really use a good second, if, you know, you ever wanted to go to Boston." There is was, she'd said it. And she stood there, unable to move with the phone pressed tightly to her ear, to wait for what he would say.
Jullian:
"Um." He said it just to make a sound, not because he actually had an answer. He looked up at Matt confused. Shouldn't Matt have asked him or something? I mean, why shouldn't Ember have asked him directly but it would have been easier if Matt had asked him because then he could say no without hurting Ember. Or even if he said yes he would have had time to think about it.
How could she just expect him to pack up and leave the only home he'd had since he'd left home? And leave Matt? "I, uh.." he let it hang again realizing he was failing epicly. He knew how touchy Ember could be sometimes. She was probably waiting for an answer, waiting for him to say yes and if he said no...
"I, Em, I don't...know. I mean, do I have time to think about it?" He wished he could have given her the answer she wanted right away but leaving? That was huge. He had to think about it, if only for an hour. He hoped they had time but knowing the state of the world they probably didn't.
Ember:
"Oh!" Ember bit her lip, slapping her forehead silently on the other end of the phone. Of course. She should have known he would feel ambushed by her asking directly. She could tell in his voice he was taken aback the same way Matt had been. God she felt like an idiot. Just because she liked the kid and wanted him to be her second didn't mean he felt the same way. If he went with her to Boston then he would be just as confused, uprooted, and alone as she was going to be. It was selfish and stupid to put a claim on him just because she felt like she had some obscure right to his friendship.
"No, oh, no that's fine, don't even worry about it!" She rushed, pacing around the room more frantically than before and wrapping herself in the telephone cord. "Take as much time as you want and don't even, I mean, if you don't want to thats ok! I completely- I, really, I understand but you know I just, um, figured... I'd ask." She gave herself another face-palm. Great, now it seemed like she didn't even want him. "What I mean is, I wanted to ask you first, but of course I've got backups so there's no pressure, but I DO want you mostly, ah... but..." This was just going from bad to worse. She couldn't stop her mouth! It was like she'd found a shovel and was inexplicably digging herself to china!!
"Anyway, so take your time! I think I should be doing, er, other stuff. Right now. Where I can still hear the phone, just in case, but I won't be sitting... doing... nothing so yeah, take your time. Gotta go. Bye." Ember set the phone down before he could answer, rolling her eyes toward the ceiling and sinking into a chair miserably. It almost felt exactly like the time she'd asked her first crush out on a date and been shot down in front of all her friends. But, of course, he hadn't said no really. Just asked for time. And that was reasonable, since she had just kind of sprung it on him like that. It had taken her the entire day to get used to the news when she'd been told she was a new faction leader, and she hadn't really been given a choice about it. If she had... she might have still been debating.
The least she owed Jullian was an hour or two to think it over. But a more selfish part of herself wished that he had just said yes or no, so she wouldn't have to ache over it any longer.
Jullian:
Jullian looked at the phone in confusion. He had forgotten how Ember could go off like that and she hadn't even given him a chance to respond which was probably good since he didn't know what he'd want to say anyway.
He hit the end button on the cell and cut the connection that might lead the yeerks to both the LA and Vegas factions and looked up at Matt. For the first time he was actually at a loss for words. "I, um, that was Ember." Of course he knew it was Ember, he had told Jullian that. Stupid. "She says she wants me to be her second in Boston."
He lapsed into silence and looked around the room suddenly shy. What he saw only reminded him that he was not home at the Haunt eating peanut butter and contemplating practicing his dolphin morph in the sunny seas. He looked back up at Matt.
"What do you think?" he asked. Jullian had grown up a lot in these past couple of months since Ember left. Almost six now, actually had to be six since Matt had just come back from a faction leader meeting. So six, six months to lose a childhood, that was all it had taken. Being Matt's second, taking on that responsibility had changed him in ways he hadn't anticipated.
When Matt had first asked him he had thought the guy was crazy. Nice, loyal and all, but a little crazy. I mean, sure, Jullian had been his first recruit, but he was also the youngest one there and certainly the most immature, or at least he'd felt that way.
Jullian had been sure he would fail. And when it inevitably happened Matt would be nice about it, tell him it was ok, and then make Kat his second like Jullian had suggested. But it had never happened.
Terrified of letting Matt down, sure that everything he was doing was wrong, Jullian had worked harder than ever to do his best. And now he found himself, six months later, 14 but no longer a child and being asked to take on more responsibility.
And all he could think to do was ask Matt to make the decision for him, to try to be a kid again.
Matt:
Matt watched as Jullian took the phone and talked to Ember. He listened as Jullian didn't give her a definite answer and, for the moment, the conversation ended. Matt had wanted to let Ember tell him, even though he knew everything Jullian had just told him. And now Jullian was looking for his opinion, and Matt could kind of sense the uncertainty. He's looking for me to make the decision, but it needs to be his choice not me giving him an order.
Matt gave him a small smile and leaned against one of the counters in the kitchen, where he had found Jullian. "I know. I wanted her to tell you herself about the promotion and the request which is why I didn't say anything before letting you talk to her." He looked down, the smile fading some though it had been noticeably fake since there was some sadness in the eighteen year old leader's eyes.
"As far as what I think. I think this needs to be your decision, not me making it for you because it's too much like me giving you orders. However, I told Ember this and I'll say it to you too. With the Vancouver members here it's not like I couldn't get a new second for myself and Ember could really use someone she can trust and who makes her feel comfortable. I know that's why I brought Rian with me as my second when I first made L.A. faction. In the end I think she needs you more, no matter how much I might want you to stay." He sighed and absentmindedly brushed some bangs out of his face.
"But in the end this is the decision that feels right for you. If that means staying here, Ember will understand. If that means leaving for Boston, I'll miss you but I won't hold you back and I'll know you're doing what makes you happiest. You're my friend Jullian, and that's what matters most for me, knowing you're happy no matter what that means."
Jullian:
"Well when you put it that way," Jullian said. He was going for sarcastic but couldn't quite manage it and it came out sounding resigned instead. If Ember really needed him then didn't he have to go? Isn't that what he'd agreed to do when he joined, help people by going where he was needed and doing what they couldn't. Isn't that what Matt had taught him, taught them all, that they had a responsibility to help those who couldn't help themselves?
But it meant leaving and he really didn't want to leave. He looked up at Matt hopelessly. He felt like his decision had already been made for him, that the world or fate or some god had already decided what he was going to do. He would go to Boston, that's how this would end, but did he have to acknowledge that right away?
He suddenly got up and ran over to Matt and hugged him. He buried his face in Matt's shoulder. "I don't want to go," he said his voice muffled, "but I think I have to."
Matt:
Matt waited as Jullian thought, his tone slightly more resigned than Matt would have hoped. Moving wasn't easy, and he himself knew that. Chicago had been his only home before he'd come to L.A. Everything he'd ever known before the war was there and who knew if he'd ever get to see that again. Along with that, Sara was all the way across the country in her fight against the yeerks. He hadn't seen her since she'd made the trip to L.A. after first becoming an Animorph. He'd spoken to her since, but it just didn't feel the same.
Matt was more than a little surprised when Jullian jumped up and hugged him. He'd never thought they were that close, and yet at the moment it felt like the right reation. Maybe he'd grown more attached to Jullian than he'd thought in the year - or roughly that - that the boy had been under his leadership.
Tentatively his arms went around Jullian and he heard the words, muffled by Jullian's face being buried in the older boy's shoulder. "I understand," Matt said quietly. "I know how it feels. I'd never left home before coming to lead L.A. and it was so hard moving here rather than just staying with Raven in Chicago." A tear found it's way down Matt's face, this feeling like the hardest goodbye as the last of his original faction made their way elsewhere. "You don't have to acknowledge it right away, and it might not feel right either. It'll take time to adjust, but you can do it. I believe in you, and you haven't given me a reason to stop yet."
Jullian:
Matt's words and the confidence expressed in them came close to making Jullian cry and then he gave up and started crying. A few tears ran down his face and he wiped them away and sniffed to clear his nose. "Thanks Matt," he said trying to get his voice to stop shaking. He didn't want to look like a baby in front of Matt but when he looked up he saw that Matt was crying a bit too.
"I'm the last one," he said since the departure of the original LA members had been on his mind lately. "i feel like I'm graduating or something. Do I get a diploma," he asked jokingly still wiping a few tears away.
Matt:
Matt let go of Jullian and gave him a small smile, something that didn't quite reach his eyes. But he couldn't really hide his feelings from Jullian right now. He didn't want to hide them anyways, so it didn't matter. The smile stayed a little longer when Jullian joked about the diploma. That was enough to make him stop trying to fall apart at the seams for a moment. He hadn't thought saying goodbye to Jullian would be this hard, but things are never really what we expect them to be.
"Yeah, you're the last one. I feel like I never expected to lose my whole original faction and it has just happened so slowly that I never saw it coming. I suppose that we're all needed where we are or where we're going though." Matt momentarily brushed his long bangs out of his eyes. He was always mentally telling himself he needed to get them cut, and yet he never did it. Maybe it was just part of who he was now, part of how he was changing like everything else. "Everything and everyone changes, and in this war it's changing a lot faster than it would if things were normal. We're taking the brunt of the change, and as much as that's not fair we don't have choice because we already made ours when we chose to fight this."
Matt sighed. "I'm going to miss you Jullian. And as far as that diploma, if nothing else you get a copy of the poem I've always given to members who've left. That's about the closest thing to a diploma that I've got right now. Maybe I can find something else too though, a surprise of some sort."
Jullian:
The mention of the legendary goodbye poem almost made Jullian start to cry again. It just made everything more final, more real. "I'm going to miss you Matt. I swear I'll visit or something. I wish it wasn't so far away," the last was said in a small voice and he looked uncertain again. But he knew he was needed so he tried to project a more confident air. Besides, he didn't want Matt to feel like he was sending Jullian off unprepared, like he hadn't done a good job in teaching him everything he had.
"I...I learned a lot from you Matt. I know that, I know...I wasn't always the easiest kid to deal with. It must have been hard to have someone as young as I am around when everyone else is so much older but...thank you for everything and for giving me a chance to be a second and...I don't know. Just everything. I won't forget what you taught me."
He looked down at the cell phone still in his hand. He didn't think he could take another emotional scene right now so he flipped it open and just text two words to the last incoming number. I'll come. He hit send and waited until he had gotten a SENT notice before closing the phone with a clap.
He back-stepped until he found the stool he'd been sitting on when all of this had begun to happen. "I guess, should I say goodbye to people? When should I leave?" Now that he had decided to go he had thought he would feel better, like the prospect would seem more manageable somehow. But it only seemed more impossible than it had a minute ago. How was he supposed to cross the entire country? And by himself!
Matt:
Matt gave Jullian an attempt at a smile as he said he'd learned a lot from the L.A. leader. "You'll be fine Jullian. And if you ever can visit I'd like it, but if not.... well, I know it's a long ways. I haven't seen my sister in what feels like forever since she's in Washington DC now. I don't blame her for not making the trip and I won't blame you either."
He didn't want this, but neither did Jullian. For a moment he found comfort in the fact that they were both not entirely happy with how things were going to go. "As far as traveling there by yourself. As soon as you're ready to talk to her you should call Ember and find out when she's leaving Las Vegas and leave so that you can travel with her." He gave a weak, half laugh as he said, "Trust me when I say that I know what it's like traveling that far by yourself and it is so much better if you can do at least most of it with someone."
He ran a hand through his hair. He'd always noted that he could use a haircut when he did that now, and yet he was starting to realize that it just wasn't practical. Besides, he liked this look. It made him look a little older, at least in his opinion it did. "And yeah, you should go say goodbye to anyone you feel a need to say it to. Also make sure everything you might want to take with you is in something one of your morphs can carry."
That was about the best dismissal Matt was going to muster right now, so it would have to do.
Jullian:
Jullian nodded. He was comforted when Matt said he'd made trips like this before. Someone else had done this before him, he didn't have to figure it all out by himself. And he could travel with Ember, she wasn't that far away. When Matt mentioned only taking what his morphs could carry he thought about asking for a horse morph since his biggest morph right now was the dingo. But then he realized that he didn't have anything he'd need to carry or want to carry with him. The most valuable thing he'd be taking with him was his memories and they were all the more valuable in this world where they could be taken away and exploited to hurt the ones you cared for.
Jullian stood up and decided to go looking for Kovu. He didn't really know anyone else in LA that well since they were all new so Kovu was the only one he really wanted to say goodbye to. He trotted up the stairs of the large mansion until he had reached the floor where Kovu's room was located and he walked down the hall and knocked on the door. "Kovu? You there?"
Kovu:
Kovu had been playing a DS that he had "aquired" awhile back. He had onlt one life left and was using his fire powers but not getting anywhrere. He heard the knock, and, frustrated with Kirby SuperStar, turned off the DS and headed to the door. He twisted the doorknob and opened it to find Jullian there, looking almost sad.
This immediately sparked Kovu's curiosity, "Yeah, sure come on in." Kovu crossed the room and sat on his bed, He wasn't sure what exactly he was in for, and was not sure what to expect, he twidled with his fingers, waiting for Jullian to speak. Kovu studied the expression on his face, he looked sad, something was definately wrong, and whatever it was, Kovu needed to know.
Jullian:
Jullian walked into the room and smiled at Kovu. It was a pinched and professional expression. A smile that employers give to the candidates they are going to turn away with a, "thank you for coming in." Jullian had always hated smiles like that and if he had been aware he was giving one he would have wiped the look off his face. But he was trying to figure out how to say that he was leaving without making it sound like bad news and was failing, hence the fake smile.
"Hey Kovu. Um...I just got a call from...a friend. She's in Vegas but she's being made a faction leader and...and she wants me to go with her. All the way to Boston."
Kovu:
Kovu's blood went cold. His first initial thought was "No, you can't go." However, he kept his thoghts to himself. He stayed silent for a moment, not exactly sre of what to say. He didn't know what to do, should he be supportive or dissaproving? What cold he do? He tried to calm down, Jullian hadn't even said what he was going to do, if he was going to stay or if he was going to go.
Kovu looked at Jullian. Kovu finnaly managed to say "Jules, Are you going to leave Los Angeles?" All of it summed into one question. The answer to this one question wold affect Kov greatly. Kovu didn't know exactly what he was feeling at the moment. Concern, worry? Or was it something different, something greater? He waited uncomfortablly for Jullian to answer.
Jullian:
Jullian didn't know why he hadn't included his answer when he'd told Kovu about the phone call. Maybe it was a stupid attempt to put off the inevitable even if it was only for a couple more minutes. But hiding it from Kovu wouldn't make it go away. "Yes," Jullian said quietly, looking down at the floor as he did so. He didn't want to see Kovu's reaction, he didn't want to see the friendly smile or hear the congratulations and the well wishes or any of the other things that would mean that Kovu didn't really care he was going.
But after barely registering the scuff on his new sneakers he looked back up. As afraid as he was to see all the signs that Kovu didn't care he just had to know. He had to know how this news affected him if it even affected him at all. His eyes searched Kovu's face looking for any sort of reaction that would tell Jullian how he felt, tell him how he was supposed to feel too.
Kovu:
Kovu stood, almost stunned silent. A sad frown crept across his ace. He looked up at Jullian, not quite sure how to feel, or how to react. He didn't know what to say. Tears stng at his eyes, the first in a long time, but he quickly blinked them away. His mind raced with a thousand comments. Don't go, you can't, please, no. None of them reached his lips, he couldn't speak.
He then remembered his promise, his promise to Allie that seemed so long ago. Did Kovu dare break this promise? One look at Jullians face and he knew the answer, if he wouldn't go becase of the promise, he wold go for.....other reasons. Either way, he woldn't let Jullian go, not without him anyway. Finnaly after a few seconds of silence he said "I'm going with you" That was all he said, and that was all that needed to be said.
Jullian:
Jullian looked at him in surprise. Of all the things he had expected to hear that hadn't been one of them. Hoped, yes, expected? Not in a million years. He took a step towards Kovu, "I.." and then he turned and ran back out the room.
He threw himself against the wall outside Kovu's door, breathing harder than the small athletic action warranted. He put both hands over his face and then slid them up to pull at his hair, which had grown just long enough to provide useful hand holds.
He couldn't believe what he had wanted to do, what he had been about to do. Just because Kovu had said he'd wanted to come with him didn't mean anything! he nearly yelled at himself. He was just saying that because he thinks of you as some sort of kid. He...he wants to protect you or it is out of some misguided sense of loyalty or, or something. You've been down this path before so don't start with stupid, hurtful wishful thinking now.
But he couldn't make himself believe it this time.
Kovu:
Kovu stood, dazed for a moment. Then the sad truth crept upon him. It was Aubrey all over again. Kovu had never expected this from Jullian. After a moment of silence, he moved toward the door. He had to say something, he couldn't just let Jules stand there. Kovu looked out the door. Jullian was breathing hard, he looked confused, sad, and hurt. Kovu just became even more sad by this.
He finnaly said "Jules, I'm sorry I just......just" The words formed in his mind, but wouldn't reac h his lips. He couldn't speak, the words just wouldn't come out. They remained lodged in his throat. Then, a thought occured to him, another explanation for Jullian's actions. It was unlikely, but still, it offered a glimmer of hope. He asked "Jules, why are you so upset at this?" Kovu waited akwardly
Jullian:
Jullian's hands dropped to his sides when Kovu came out of the room. Ok, his internal monologue continued, this is totally your fault. How could you stand right outside his door. What did you think? He couldn't just come out and find you?
His internal voice really wasn't helpful at times.
He looked left and right, trying to figure out how to make some sort of excuse to leave. But what could he say that wouldn't hurt Kovu. He had just offered to go across the country with him (maybe--shut up) and now Jullian probably looked ungrateful and crazy.
"Um," he began not sure what he would say when Kovu beat him to it. When he began to apologize Jullian immediately felt bad. Kovu did think he was ungrateful. Jeez, how had he made such a mess of this so quickly?
"Kov-" he began in a voice that could barely be heard but quickly stopped talking when Kovu asked him why he was upset.
He looked away, confused. He wasn't sure what to say, how to answer. How could he explain that he wasn't upset? That he was happy, happier than he'd been in a while. And that he felt guilty for being so happy that Kovu wanted to come because maybe it would mean that Kovu cared? You couldn't just say things like that to people. Half the time because they wouldn't believe you and...and half the time because they would.
"I'm sorry. I--jeez, what must you think of me. I am happy you're coming. It means a lot to me, I just...Kovu...why are you coming?" It was the question that he wanted to ask the most, the answer he had to know.
Kovu:
Kovu wasn't expecting that question, it was the questiong he couldn't answer just a few moments earlier. He started to blush, nable to answer the question for a few moments. But looking at Jullians face, he knew it was a question that needed to be answered. While he wasn't exactly sure what Jullian meant, but Kovu hoped it was because Jullian was wondering the same thing as Kovu.
Kovu pondered his words for a second before responding. "Jullian, I care about you......I just can't bear to see you leave. I am going with you, I just want to be near you, and so..... I just have to go with you." Kovu finished the long and akward speech. He stood, embarrassed, he had never spoken like this to anyone, and Kovu wasn't sure he liked it. He stood, anxiously waiting for Jullians reply.
Jullian:
As Kovu began to explain why he was going Jullian's heart rose. The internal voice that had been a part of his life for a long time now tried to crush them but for the first time it was losing.
He pushed off the wall so that he wasn't using it to support his weight anymore and stopped trying to merge with it. "I-" he began but stopped. He honestly couldn't think of one word that helped express what was going on in his head. His mind had decided to take a vacation it seemed.
He just had this one image playing in his head over and over again and it wouldn't. Go. Away. So just go with it, Ember's voice chided him in his head. Just like her to do the impulsive thing.
Here's really hoping I'm not doing the wrong thing, he said to himself before he kissed Kovu before he could psyche himself out of it a second time.
It was quick. He really hadn't kissed anyone before and he pulled back and wanted to shrink into the wall again, awkward but not abashed. "I'm really glad you're coming," he said shyly.
Kovu:
Kovu, hadn't expected a kiss, he blinked once, twice. Then he immediately his face turned red. He put his arm behind his head and smiled quietly, his face was burning. Maybe this one would go well, maybe it wouldn't be like last time, maybe..... He realised that he was just standing there, and immediately felt embarrassed. He looked for words, he needed to figure out what to do next.
"Thanks Jules, but I guess if I am going to go with you I'm going to need to talk to Matt. I can't just dissapear ya know?" Kove walked out of his doorway he was about to head out to the hall to look for Matt. When he turned back to Jullian and smiled. He headed of to find Matt. He knew this was going to be a difficult conversation. Matt had already lost one member, now he was losing two? Kovu readied himself for what was sure to be an akward conversation.
The End
Ember paced up and down, the telephone sitting dumbly on Rian's desk.
She'd asked to do this alone when she'd heard the news... That she was the new Faction Leader. That she was going to have to leave Rian, and Luce, and all the others in Vegas. Her family... People who's lives she'd saved, and who had saved hers in return. And this time when she moved... Rian wouldn't be coming with her. He had to stay here, and she had to go to Boston...
The night before she'd found a wall map and laid it out on the floor, holding back the corners and counting finger lengths between Las Vegas and Boston. It was about thirty... Ember could barely stand to be one room away from him. Seeing all those miles nearly crushed her right there. But she couldn't refuse. No matter how hard she wanted to stay, there was another part of her that knew that she would have to go. The world needed her... how many nineteen year old girls could claim that? She tried to smile, just as she'd tried so hard when she'd first gotten the news. But then, like now, she just couldn't.
But every cloud had a silver lining. Ember couldn't stay with Rian, but that didn't mean she would be going alone either. She had her choice of a second to accompany her to Boston and help her get started. At first she wasn't sure if she could ask whom she wanted to, since she hadn't seen him in so long... but she had to try. He was the one person in the world she felt could help her start over, be there to help her out in rough times more than anyone else. And she missed Jullian so much...
So that was that. Ember took a deep breath and lifted the phone from it's cradle, dialing the secure number she'd gotten for LA. "Matt? Are you there, it's Ember? You know, formerly of Beverly Hills." She smiled at her own joke into the phone, but soon sobered. "I, ah, wanted to talk to you about Jules."
Matt:
The phone rang and for a moment Matt didn't realize it. The again, when you're aleep you don't notice much of anything. He'd brought it up to his room as a just it case, since if someone called he'd need to be woken up anyways. Chances were any leader would want to talk to him.
He picked up the phone and took a moment to wake up before he answered, "Hello?" The voice on the other end was Ember, not exactly who he'd expected. Then again, he realized with the fact that Matthias had gone MIA they'd need a new faction. Ray had been sent to Dallas, but that was supposed to happen before Matthias left. It didn't make up for the lost ground. Ember made a logical choice for a new leader, and it was highly likely that was what this was about.
"Hey Ember." She went to business after her short joke, he smiled a little though he too didn't keep that for long. She wanted to talk about Jules, and Matt knew what that meant. "Let me guess, you're getting promoted? Well, congrats. I think I told you once that you'd make a good leader, and I've still got faith in you. As far as Jullian being your second, well if you want to tell him yourself I can see if I can find him, but I figure his answer will be yes." She didn't really have to tell him what she wanted. He just knew. It didn't surprise Matt that Jullian would be the one she picked, not after when she and Rian had left for Vegas.
"I know how close he is to you, and personally I just got all the people Matthias abandoned in Vancouver so I have some decent pickings for a new second of my own. You need him more than I do." But.... it was only then that he realized he still wanted Jullian to stay here. Jullian was his last original recruit still in L.A. If he left, Matt felt like he'd be starting over again. That, and Matt at least felt like he was fairly close to Jullian. In the end though it was Jullian's decision, and, just like with other members who had left, Matt wouldn't stand in the way of that decision.
Ember:
Ember blinked. Then she grinned and remembered how it had been in LA. Matt always somehow managed to just read people's minds like that, cutting through any defenses they put up and just talking straight from his heart. "Uh, yeah. Thank you." she managed to finally answer, "But, Matt, I know we haven't talked in a really long time and it's kind of strange for me to just now call only to ask for your second... It's just... I don't know who else to..." She trailed off. How could she explain? How could she possibly tell him what she'd been through? What she'd become since she'd left LA? Back there, she was in a bubble where barely anything touched her. She thought at the time that she had it rough, just like a high school kid before they go to college thinks that its as tough as its going to get. But Vegas had changed her.. and she wasn't sure for the better.
If she could get back to the beginning, somehow find that normalcy again, even in just having one person who was good at keeping her grounded... maybe she wouldn't have to feel so terrible. "Matt, I'm not really sure that I can do this without him." She spoke into the phone, hoping he understood what she meant. "But I don't want to make a rift between us either. You've always been a good friend to me, and a great leader. If you want Jullian to stay there then I completely understand. He's a really good kid, and a good fighter too. But I'm sure he'd be safer if he stayed with you."
Matt:
She seemed to really stumble over making this request. "It's okay Ember, I understand how it feels. Becoming a faction leader..... It's not easy. And as much as you know you should be happy, somehow it doesn't feel right. For me it was because I'd just found my sister was a YPM controller and I had only just gotten close to the Chicago leader. I'm not sure what it might be for you, but the thing is you need that person you can trust without thinking twice. For me it was Rian. For you it's Jullian."
Matt laughed a little about Jullian being safer in L.A. "I don't think there's much safety for any of us in this war. But don't start thinking this will cause a rift between us. I might want him here in L.A., but you need him wherever you're going. Your need trumps any feelings I might have in this." He smiled, thinking about how she'd called him a good friend. They might not have gotten along perfectly when she'd been L.A., but she had called him that when she'd left for Vegas too. It made doing the right thing a little easier.
"As someone who's been where you're at, I know that having that stability makes all the difference. As your friend, I want this to go as well for you as possible. For that to happen, you feel like you need Jullian. I care too much to test that theory. He's yours. It's like I said, I've got experienced members here, and you'll need someone with his experience to help you guide the new guys you recruit." Doing the right thing wasn't easy, and yet he just couldn't be selfish and say no. It wasn't who he was.
Ember:
Ember started breathing again, only then realizing that she'd been holding tight to her breath just in case it wouldn't work out. But Matt said exactly what she needed to hear and she sighed in relief, "Ok, thank you. It's good to know that I'm not the only one that had to go through this kind of feeling. Vegas is... my new home, and now I've got to leave so soon I just- Well, you know," Her hand reached up to her shirt, feeling the necklace she always kept there but had forgotten about until she'd almost lost it. The carved wooden cardinal on the pendant was Rian's gift to her when she'd become his second, but now it was just another souvenir of a home she'd have to leave behind.
"I'm really glad that there's someone out there who's already survived what I'm going to have to go through." She sat down with the phone tucked against her ear, curling her legs to her chest and enjoying the feeling of getting to talk with a friend. Especially since, when you leave a faction, there's no guarantee that you'll ever get to hear from them again. Maybe that was why she needed Jullian to come with her and to reunite their friendship. To prove that old connections could be reformed after they are lost. That maybe someday she would be calling on Rian just like this, and they would be able to live together again, this time for good.
"Thanks Matt." She added, "I guess I should ask Jules first though, after all it'd be kind of silly to have this big deep conversation just to have him stay there." Ember smiled, thinking on how very serious she'd become. Stressing herself out over a simple question, analyzing all the reasons and details to be sure of her choice when he could just decide not to go after all.
Matt:
"Yeah," Matt said. "I know." He felt himself smile somewhat sadly as he thought of how leaving Chicago had been. Every faction leader out there had gone through this, though some maybe hadn't had as much of an issue with it. But Matt didn't have much time to think as he had to find Jullian and let Ember talk to him.
"I'll go find Jullian and let you talk to him about it," He said. He'd already told her he figured Jullian would want to go. For one thing it was Ember, someone Jullian had been extremely upset about leaving Los Angeles. For another he'd noticed how Jullian hadn't claimed a room since they'd gotten to the mansion. He had to wonder if maybe this new hideout just didn't feel like home to his second and if another change would bother him very much.
He covered the mouthpiece of the phone, wandering through the mansion calling Jullian's name. Not having a room claim to work from did make him a little harder to find. When he finally found his young second he just smiled. "You've got a call waiting from Las Vegas, Nevada. Someone named Ember Rosalind?" The slightly sarcastic question, as if he didn't know who the woman he mentioned was, was almost too natural. His parents had always done that with him when a friend had called.
He held the phone out to Jullian now, waiting for him to take it and talk to Ember. He wasn't going to tell Jullian anything, not even about Ember's promotion. She should tell him, if only so she'd hear his reaction first hand.
Jullian:
Jullian looked up at Matt, a spoonful of peanut butter half hanging out of his mouth. "Ug?" he tried to say around the peanut butter. "Egber?" He took the phone and looked at Matt slightly suspiciously. He looked a little too happy o.O
He took the phone. "Og un," he said and quickly tried to finish the peanut butter. It stuck everywhere as peanut butter was wont to do but finally his mouth was clear enough that he could speak. "What's up Ember?" he said nonchalantly though his eyes were locked on Matt. If Ember could have just called up for a little chat he had a feeling she would have done it before now so what was important enough to warrant this and why wasn't Matt telling him?
Ember:
Just hearing Jullian's voice over the phone was enough to make Ember smile again. "Hey kid! Nice to hear you again, even around the food in your mouth." She scolded a little, but it was all in good humor. For now she just wanted to talk to him, see what he had been doing, what his life had been like, if he'd seen his sister lately, what new morphs he'd gotten, if he'd found someone special...
But there wasn't much time for that. Phone calls were hard enough as it was, and she'd used up most of the time she'd been given talking to Matt. She knew that even if Jullian said yes they would still have to wait awhile to actually see one another, but it was the best she could hope for. Right now, she had business to talk. "Hey look, I don't have long... but, I've been made a Faction Leader." She took a deep breath, plunging in, "And I could really use a good second, if, you know, you ever wanted to go to Boston." There is was, she'd said it. And she stood there, unable to move with the phone pressed tightly to her ear, to wait for what he would say.
Jullian:
"Um." He said it just to make a sound, not because he actually had an answer. He looked up at Matt confused. Shouldn't Matt have asked him or something? I mean, why shouldn't Ember have asked him directly but it would have been easier if Matt had asked him because then he could say no without hurting Ember. Or even if he said yes he would have had time to think about it.
How could she just expect him to pack up and leave the only home he'd had since he'd left home? And leave Matt? "I, uh.." he let it hang again realizing he was failing epicly. He knew how touchy Ember could be sometimes. She was probably waiting for an answer, waiting for him to say yes and if he said no...
"I, Em, I don't...know. I mean, do I have time to think about it?" He wished he could have given her the answer she wanted right away but leaving? That was huge. He had to think about it, if only for an hour. He hoped they had time but knowing the state of the world they probably didn't.
Ember:
"Oh!" Ember bit her lip, slapping her forehead silently on the other end of the phone. Of course. She should have known he would feel ambushed by her asking directly. She could tell in his voice he was taken aback the same way Matt had been. God she felt like an idiot. Just because she liked the kid and wanted him to be her second didn't mean he felt the same way. If he went with her to Boston then he would be just as confused, uprooted, and alone as she was going to be. It was selfish and stupid to put a claim on him just because she felt like she had some obscure right to his friendship.
"No, oh, no that's fine, don't even worry about it!" She rushed, pacing around the room more frantically than before and wrapping herself in the telephone cord. "Take as much time as you want and don't even, I mean, if you don't want to thats ok! I completely- I, really, I understand but you know I just, um, figured... I'd ask." She gave herself another face-palm. Great, now it seemed like she didn't even want him. "What I mean is, I wanted to ask you first, but of course I've got backups so there's no pressure, but I DO want you mostly, ah... but..." This was just going from bad to worse. She couldn't stop her mouth! It was like she'd found a shovel and was inexplicably digging herself to china!!
"Anyway, so take your time! I think I should be doing, er, other stuff. Right now. Where I can still hear the phone, just in case, but I won't be sitting... doing... nothing so yeah, take your time. Gotta go. Bye." Ember set the phone down before he could answer, rolling her eyes toward the ceiling and sinking into a chair miserably. It almost felt exactly like the time she'd asked her first crush out on a date and been shot down in front of all her friends. But, of course, he hadn't said no really. Just asked for time. And that was reasonable, since she had just kind of sprung it on him like that. It had taken her the entire day to get used to the news when she'd been told she was a new faction leader, and she hadn't really been given a choice about it. If she had... she might have still been debating.
The least she owed Jullian was an hour or two to think it over. But a more selfish part of herself wished that he had just said yes or no, so she wouldn't have to ache over it any longer.
Jullian:
Jullian looked at the phone in confusion. He had forgotten how Ember could go off like that and she hadn't even given him a chance to respond which was probably good since he didn't know what he'd want to say anyway.
He hit the end button on the cell and cut the connection that might lead the yeerks to both the LA and Vegas factions and looked up at Matt. For the first time he was actually at a loss for words. "I, um, that was Ember." Of course he knew it was Ember, he had told Jullian that. Stupid. "She says she wants me to be her second in Boston."
He lapsed into silence and looked around the room suddenly shy. What he saw only reminded him that he was not home at the Haunt eating peanut butter and contemplating practicing his dolphin morph in the sunny seas. He looked back up at Matt.
"What do you think?" he asked. Jullian had grown up a lot in these past couple of months since Ember left. Almost six now, actually had to be six since Matt had just come back from a faction leader meeting. So six, six months to lose a childhood, that was all it had taken. Being Matt's second, taking on that responsibility had changed him in ways he hadn't anticipated.
When Matt had first asked him he had thought the guy was crazy. Nice, loyal and all, but a little crazy. I mean, sure, Jullian had been his first recruit, but he was also the youngest one there and certainly the most immature, or at least he'd felt that way.
Jullian had been sure he would fail. And when it inevitably happened Matt would be nice about it, tell him it was ok, and then make Kat his second like Jullian had suggested. But it had never happened.
Terrified of letting Matt down, sure that everything he was doing was wrong, Jullian had worked harder than ever to do his best. And now he found himself, six months later, 14 but no longer a child and being asked to take on more responsibility.
And all he could think to do was ask Matt to make the decision for him, to try to be a kid again.
Matt:
Matt watched as Jullian took the phone and talked to Ember. He listened as Jullian didn't give her a definite answer and, for the moment, the conversation ended. Matt had wanted to let Ember tell him, even though he knew everything Jullian had just told him. And now Jullian was looking for his opinion, and Matt could kind of sense the uncertainty. He's looking for me to make the decision, but it needs to be his choice not me giving him an order.
Matt gave him a small smile and leaned against one of the counters in the kitchen, where he had found Jullian. "I know. I wanted her to tell you herself about the promotion and the request which is why I didn't say anything before letting you talk to her." He looked down, the smile fading some though it had been noticeably fake since there was some sadness in the eighteen year old leader's eyes.
"As far as what I think. I think this needs to be your decision, not me making it for you because it's too much like me giving you orders. However, I told Ember this and I'll say it to you too. With the Vancouver members here it's not like I couldn't get a new second for myself and Ember could really use someone she can trust and who makes her feel comfortable. I know that's why I brought Rian with me as my second when I first made L.A. faction. In the end I think she needs you more, no matter how much I might want you to stay." He sighed and absentmindedly brushed some bangs out of his face.
"But in the end this is the decision that feels right for you. If that means staying here, Ember will understand. If that means leaving for Boston, I'll miss you but I won't hold you back and I'll know you're doing what makes you happiest. You're my friend Jullian, and that's what matters most for me, knowing you're happy no matter what that means."
Jullian:
"Well when you put it that way," Jullian said. He was going for sarcastic but couldn't quite manage it and it came out sounding resigned instead. If Ember really needed him then didn't he have to go? Isn't that what he'd agreed to do when he joined, help people by going where he was needed and doing what they couldn't. Isn't that what Matt had taught him, taught them all, that they had a responsibility to help those who couldn't help themselves?
But it meant leaving and he really didn't want to leave. He looked up at Matt hopelessly. He felt like his decision had already been made for him, that the world or fate or some god had already decided what he was going to do. He would go to Boston, that's how this would end, but did he have to acknowledge that right away?
He suddenly got up and ran over to Matt and hugged him. He buried his face in Matt's shoulder. "I don't want to go," he said his voice muffled, "but I think I have to."
Matt:
Matt waited as Jullian thought, his tone slightly more resigned than Matt would have hoped. Moving wasn't easy, and he himself knew that. Chicago had been his only home before he'd come to L.A. Everything he'd ever known before the war was there and who knew if he'd ever get to see that again. Along with that, Sara was all the way across the country in her fight against the yeerks. He hadn't seen her since she'd made the trip to L.A. after first becoming an Animorph. He'd spoken to her since, but it just didn't feel the same.
Matt was more than a little surprised when Jullian jumped up and hugged him. He'd never thought they were that close, and yet at the moment it felt like the right reation. Maybe he'd grown more attached to Jullian than he'd thought in the year - or roughly that - that the boy had been under his leadership.
Tentatively his arms went around Jullian and he heard the words, muffled by Jullian's face being buried in the older boy's shoulder. "I understand," Matt said quietly. "I know how it feels. I'd never left home before coming to lead L.A. and it was so hard moving here rather than just staying with Raven in Chicago." A tear found it's way down Matt's face, this feeling like the hardest goodbye as the last of his original faction made their way elsewhere. "You don't have to acknowledge it right away, and it might not feel right either. It'll take time to adjust, but you can do it. I believe in you, and you haven't given me a reason to stop yet."
Jullian:
Matt's words and the confidence expressed in them came close to making Jullian cry and then he gave up and started crying. A few tears ran down his face and he wiped them away and sniffed to clear his nose. "Thanks Matt," he said trying to get his voice to stop shaking. He didn't want to look like a baby in front of Matt but when he looked up he saw that Matt was crying a bit too.
"I'm the last one," he said since the departure of the original LA members had been on his mind lately. "i feel like I'm graduating or something. Do I get a diploma," he asked jokingly still wiping a few tears away.
Matt:
Matt let go of Jullian and gave him a small smile, something that didn't quite reach his eyes. But he couldn't really hide his feelings from Jullian right now. He didn't want to hide them anyways, so it didn't matter. The smile stayed a little longer when Jullian joked about the diploma. That was enough to make him stop trying to fall apart at the seams for a moment. He hadn't thought saying goodbye to Jullian would be this hard, but things are never really what we expect them to be.
"Yeah, you're the last one. I feel like I never expected to lose my whole original faction and it has just happened so slowly that I never saw it coming. I suppose that we're all needed where we are or where we're going though." Matt momentarily brushed his long bangs out of his eyes. He was always mentally telling himself he needed to get them cut, and yet he never did it. Maybe it was just part of who he was now, part of how he was changing like everything else. "Everything and everyone changes, and in this war it's changing a lot faster than it would if things were normal. We're taking the brunt of the change, and as much as that's not fair we don't have choice because we already made ours when we chose to fight this."
Matt sighed. "I'm going to miss you Jullian. And as far as that diploma, if nothing else you get a copy of the poem I've always given to members who've left. That's about the closest thing to a diploma that I've got right now. Maybe I can find something else too though, a surprise of some sort."
Jullian:
The mention of the legendary goodbye poem almost made Jullian start to cry again. It just made everything more final, more real. "I'm going to miss you Matt. I swear I'll visit or something. I wish it wasn't so far away," the last was said in a small voice and he looked uncertain again. But he knew he was needed so he tried to project a more confident air. Besides, he didn't want Matt to feel like he was sending Jullian off unprepared, like he hadn't done a good job in teaching him everything he had.
"I...I learned a lot from you Matt. I know that, I know...I wasn't always the easiest kid to deal with. It must have been hard to have someone as young as I am around when everyone else is so much older but...thank you for everything and for giving me a chance to be a second and...I don't know. Just everything. I won't forget what you taught me."
He looked down at the cell phone still in his hand. He didn't think he could take another emotional scene right now so he flipped it open and just text two words to the last incoming number. I'll come. He hit send and waited until he had gotten a SENT notice before closing the phone with a clap.
He back-stepped until he found the stool he'd been sitting on when all of this had begun to happen. "I guess, should I say goodbye to people? When should I leave?" Now that he had decided to go he had thought he would feel better, like the prospect would seem more manageable somehow. But it only seemed more impossible than it had a minute ago. How was he supposed to cross the entire country? And by himself!
Matt:
Matt gave Jullian an attempt at a smile as he said he'd learned a lot from the L.A. leader. "You'll be fine Jullian. And if you ever can visit I'd like it, but if not.... well, I know it's a long ways. I haven't seen my sister in what feels like forever since she's in Washington DC now. I don't blame her for not making the trip and I won't blame you either."
He didn't want this, but neither did Jullian. For a moment he found comfort in the fact that they were both not entirely happy with how things were going to go. "As far as traveling there by yourself. As soon as you're ready to talk to her you should call Ember and find out when she's leaving Las Vegas and leave so that you can travel with her." He gave a weak, half laugh as he said, "Trust me when I say that I know what it's like traveling that far by yourself and it is so much better if you can do at least most of it with someone."
He ran a hand through his hair. He'd always noted that he could use a haircut when he did that now, and yet he was starting to realize that it just wasn't practical. Besides, he liked this look. It made him look a little older, at least in his opinion it did. "And yeah, you should go say goodbye to anyone you feel a need to say it to. Also make sure everything you might want to take with you is in something one of your morphs can carry."
That was about the best dismissal Matt was going to muster right now, so it would have to do.
Jullian:
Jullian nodded. He was comforted when Matt said he'd made trips like this before. Someone else had done this before him, he didn't have to figure it all out by himself. And he could travel with Ember, she wasn't that far away. When Matt mentioned only taking what his morphs could carry he thought about asking for a horse morph since his biggest morph right now was the dingo. But then he realized that he didn't have anything he'd need to carry or want to carry with him. The most valuable thing he'd be taking with him was his memories and they were all the more valuable in this world where they could be taken away and exploited to hurt the ones you cared for.
Jullian stood up and decided to go looking for Kovu. He didn't really know anyone else in LA that well since they were all new so Kovu was the only one he really wanted to say goodbye to. He trotted up the stairs of the large mansion until he had reached the floor where Kovu's room was located and he walked down the hall and knocked on the door. "Kovu? You there?"
Kovu:
Kovu had been playing a DS that he had "aquired" awhile back. He had onlt one life left and was using his fire powers but not getting anywhrere. He heard the knock, and, frustrated with Kirby SuperStar, turned off the DS and headed to the door. He twisted the doorknob and opened it to find Jullian there, looking almost sad.
This immediately sparked Kovu's curiosity, "Yeah, sure come on in." Kovu crossed the room and sat on his bed, He wasn't sure what exactly he was in for, and was not sure what to expect, he twidled with his fingers, waiting for Jullian to speak. Kovu studied the expression on his face, he looked sad, something was definately wrong, and whatever it was, Kovu needed to know.
Jullian:
Jullian walked into the room and smiled at Kovu. It was a pinched and professional expression. A smile that employers give to the candidates they are going to turn away with a, "thank you for coming in." Jullian had always hated smiles like that and if he had been aware he was giving one he would have wiped the look off his face. But he was trying to figure out how to say that he was leaving without making it sound like bad news and was failing, hence the fake smile.
"Hey Kovu. Um...I just got a call from...a friend. She's in Vegas but she's being made a faction leader and...and she wants me to go with her. All the way to Boston."
Kovu:
Kovu's blood went cold. His first initial thought was "No, you can't go." However, he kept his thoghts to himself. He stayed silent for a moment, not exactly sre of what to say. He didn't know what to do, should he be supportive or dissaproving? What cold he do? He tried to calm down, Jullian hadn't even said what he was going to do, if he was going to stay or if he was going to go.
Kovu looked at Jullian. Kovu finnaly managed to say "Jules, Are you going to leave Los Angeles?" All of it summed into one question. The answer to this one question wold affect Kov greatly. Kovu didn't know exactly what he was feeling at the moment. Concern, worry? Or was it something different, something greater? He waited uncomfortablly for Jullian to answer.
Jullian:
Jullian didn't know why he hadn't included his answer when he'd told Kovu about the phone call. Maybe it was a stupid attempt to put off the inevitable even if it was only for a couple more minutes. But hiding it from Kovu wouldn't make it go away. "Yes," Jullian said quietly, looking down at the floor as he did so. He didn't want to see Kovu's reaction, he didn't want to see the friendly smile or hear the congratulations and the well wishes or any of the other things that would mean that Kovu didn't really care he was going.
But after barely registering the scuff on his new sneakers he looked back up. As afraid as he was to see all the signs that Kovu didn't care he just had to know. He had to know how this news affected him if it even affected him at all. His eyes searched Kovu's face looking for any sort of reaction that would tell Jullian how he felt, tell him how he was supposed to feel too.
Kovu:
Kovu stood, almost stunned silent. A sad frown crept across his ace. He looked up at Jullian, not quite sure how to feel, or how to react. He didn't know what to say. Tears stng at his eyes, the first in a long time, but he quickly blinked them away. His mind raced with a thousand comments. Don't go, you can't, please, no. None of them reached his lips, he couldn't speak.
He then remembered his promise, his promise to Allie that seemed so long ago. Did Kovu dare break this promise? One look at Jullians face and he knew the answer, if he wouldn't go becase of the promise, he wold go for.....other reasons. Either way, he woldn't let Jullian go, not without him anyway. Finnaly after a few seconds of silence he said "I'm going with you" That was all he said, and that was all that needed to be said.
Jullian:
Jullian looked at him in surprise. Of all the things he had expected to hear that hadn't been one of them. Hoped, yes, expected? Not in a million years. He took a step towards Kovu, "I.." and then he turned and ran back out the room.
He threw himself against the wall outside Kovu's door, breathing harder than the small athletic action warranted. He put both hands over his face and then slid them up to pull at his hair, which had grown just long enough to provide useful hand holds.
He couldn't believe what he had wanted to do, what he had been about to do. Just because Kovu had said he'd wanted to come with him didn't mean anything! he nearly yelled at himself. He was just saying that because he thinks of you as some sort of kid. He...he wants to protect you or it is out of some misguided sense of loyalty or, or something. You've been down this path before so don't start with stupid, hurtful wishful thinking now.
But he couldn't make himself believe it this time.
Kovu:
Kovu stood, dazed for a moment. Then the sad truth crept upon him. It was Aubrey all over again. Kovu had never expected this from Jullian. After a moment of silence, he moved toward the door. He had to say something, he couldn't just let Jules stand there. Kovu looked out the door. Jullian was breathing hard, he looked confused, sad, and hurt. Kovu just became even more sad by this.
He finnaly said "Jules, I'm sorry I just......just" The words formed in his mind, but wouldn't reac h his lips. He couldn't speak, the words just wouldn't come out. They remained lodged in his throat. Then, a thought occured to him, another explanation for Jullian's actions. It was unlikely, but still, it offered a glimmer of hope. He asked "Jules, why are you so upset at this?" Kovu waited akwardly
Jullian:
Jullian's hands dropped to his sides when Kovu came out of the room. Ok, his internal monologue continued, this is totally your fault. How could you stand right outside his door. What did you think? He couldn't just come out and find you?
His internal voice really wasn't helpful at times.
He looked left and right, trying to figure out how to make some sort of excuse to leave. But what could he say that wouldn't hurt Kovu. He had just offered to go across the country with him (maybe--shut up) and now Jullian probably looked ungrateful and crazy.
"Um," he began not sure what he would say when Kovu beat him to it. When he began to apologize Jullian immediately felt bad. Kovu did think he was ungrateful. Jeez, how had he made such a mess of this so quickly?
"Kov-" he began in a voice that could barely be heard but quickly stopped talking when Kovu asked him why he was upset.
He looked away, confused. He wasn't sure what to say, how to answer. How could he explain that he wasn't upset? That he was happy, happier than he'd been in a while. And that he felt guilty for being so happy that Kovu wanted to come because maybe it would mean that Kovu cared? You couldn't just say things like that to people. Half the time because they wouldn't believe you and...and half the time because they would.
"I'm sorry. I--jeez, what must you think of me. I am happy you're coming. It means a lot to me, I just...Kovu...why are you coming?" It was the question that he wanted to ask the most, the answer he had to know.
Kovu:
Kovu wasn't expecting that question, it was the questiong he couldn't answer just a few moments earlier. He started to blush, nable to answer the question for a few moments. But looking at Jullians face, he knew it was a question that needed to be answered. While he wasn't exactly sure what Jullian meant, but Kovu hoped it was because Jullian was wondering the same thing as Kovu.
Kovu pondered his words for a second before responding. "Jullian, I care about you......I just can't bear to see you leave. I am going with you, I just want to be near you, and so..... I just have to go with you." Kovu finished the long and akward speech. He stood, embarrassed, he had never spoken like this to anyone, and Kovu wasn't sure he liked it. He stood, anxiously waiting for Jullians reply.
Jullian:
As Kovu began to explain why he was going Jullian's heart rose. The internal voice that had been a part of his life for a long time now tried to crush them but for the first time it was losing.
He pushed off the wall so that he wasn't using it to support his weight anymore and stopped trying to merge with it. "I-" he began but stopped. He honestly couldn't think of one word that helped express what was going on in his head. His mind had decided to take a vacation it seemed.
He just had this one image playing in his head over and over again and it wouldn't. Go. Away. So just go with it, Ember's voice chided him in his head. Just like her to do the impulsive thing.
Here's really hoping I'm not doing the wrong thing, he said to himself before he kissed Kovu before he could psyche himself out of it a second time.
It was quick. He really hadn't kissed anyone before and he pulled back and wanted to shrink into the wall again, awkward but not abashed. "I'm really glad you're coming," he said shyly.
Kovu:
Kovu, hadn't expected a kiss, he blinked once, twice. Then he immediately his face turned red. He put his arm behind his head and smiled quietly, his face was burning. Maybe this one would go well, maybe it wouldn't be like last time, maybe..... He realised that he was just standing there, and immediately felt embarrassed. He looked for words, he needed to figure out what to do next.
"Thanks Jules, but I guess if I am going to go with you I'm going to need to talk to Matt. I can't just dissapear ya know?" Kove walked out of his doorway he was about to head out to the hall to look for Matt. When he turned back to Jullian and smiled. He headed of to find Matt. He knew this was going to be a difficult conversation. Matt had already lost one member, now he was losing two? Kovu readied himself for what was sure to be an akward conversation.
The End