Post by Aubrey on Sept 20, 2009 23:01:35 GMT -5
Aubrey
((For the timeline, this happens directly after "Look No Further" and "Racing the Clock"))
A watery sun was rising just above the horizon, casting brilliant blue and orange rays of light across the waves. Aubrey was sitting atop her surfboard, legs dangling in the cold sea below and palms splayed against the slick surface of the board. The ocean swelled beneath her, waves rising and falling steadily. A light salty breeze ruffled her hair, and she squinted against the sun.
It was the early morning, the next day, directly after the Animorphs had escaped the studio. Maybe she should be sleeping. She couldn't. There was too much going through her mind, and she didn't want to be near the Haunt right now. It meant having to face Sophie. That was the last thing she wanted to do right now--come to terms with the fact that her best friend was a snake. Trapped forever, an animal, barely human anymore. Part of her hated Sophie, for having the guts to stay in morph, for knowing what to do when the situation came down to it. Would everyone look down on Aubrey for being weak? She didn't know. But had it been right? She wasn't a monkey, was she? At least she could still fight.
So, instead of sleeping, Aubrey had taken out her surfboard and had been sitting out on the ocean for a few hours. Leaning back, Aubrey turned her head to look back towards the Haunt. It looked dead from here. The windows were dark and empty. Quiet. She didn't know where the others were, if somebody was out patrolling or if people were sleeping inside. Cupping her hands, she drew some salt water and splashed it across her face. The salt bit into her flesh, and she rubbed the palms of her hands against her face.
An hour or so ago she had come across her decision. She wanted to leave Los Angeles. It was just a matter of actually speaking to Matt about it now. The decision hadn't been easy. It meant abandoning her mother, it meant leaving the only place that was close enough to Australia to make her feel at home. But she couldn't stand to be here anymore. Not with Sophie here, not with what happened.
Was it fate or something? Did some manifestation of fate have it in for her? It was like something didn't want her to rescue her mom, or piece back together her family. Maybe whatever it was didn't want her to have a family. Her dad was gone. There had been no reason why. And now, now that everything had gone to hell, she didn't even know if her father was alive. Her brother was probably dead, he had been in the military right before the invasion had exploded into the open. And now her mother was gone, lost somewhere in Los Angeles. If the Sub-Visser had even kept her in the city. Her mom had been lost anyways, with a Yeerk in her head. Right?
This was the right decision, she wanted to trust herself. If she couldn't trust herself, if she couldn't even put away her own insecurities and listen to what her instincts told her, she'd end up like Sophie. She'd listen to somebody like that and end up the same way. It didn't matter that Sophie had filled that hole in Aubrey's life, the one that had been torn by her father's absence. It didn't matter. Sophie didn't know what she was doing anymore than Aubrey did.
Lying with her belly flat against the surfboard, Aubrey paddled back towards the Haunt. Once she reached the shore she rolled off her board, sand scratching her knees, and stood up. She stooped to pick up the surfboard, then paused. A wave slid beneath the board, rolling over her feet and tickling her ankles. Sighing, she detached the Velcro leash, then turned and headed towards the Haunt. Before getting too far, she turned back and stared. A wave washed over the abandoned board, creamy foam lingering on its surface. Reluctantly, she turned away.
Her hammock was waiting on the porch, empty except for her beloved blanket. Underneath it was her rucksack, containing the few items she owned--some old clothes, trinkets, pictures. She reached forward and pulled the sack up, setting it in the hammock. After rummaging through it and making sure everything was still there, she slung it over her shoulder and headed into the Haunt.
She was hoping that nobody was awake. She had only one person she wanted to talk to, and luckily his room was closest to the kitchen and living room. That way she wouldn't have to walk down the hallway. Aubrey placed the rucksack on the kitchen table, then headed towards the hallway.
Stopping at Matt's door, Aubrey paused. This was a dumb time to start feeling nervous, but she was getting that butterfly-feeling in her gut again. Stretching her arms, she let out a slow breath. She had no clue if Matt was in there or not, but it was a good place to start. Biting her lip, she rose her fist and knocked lightly.
Matt
Matt was already awake when Aubrey knocked, lying in his bed wishing he could sleep. All night he hadn't been able to stop thinking about how he'd almost lost two members. Even with the fact that Sophie and Aubrey had been brought back to the Haunt, Sophie would never morph again. She was stuck in her snake form, a nothlit. It felt so wrong to Matt, that someone would never be able to return to their normal self again. To know what it was like to be human, and yet be stuck in a shape that wasn't. Even with Robert, who shared Steve's body through being a yeerk, would never have his own human body again.
Nothing in this war is fair, and somehow we're just supposed to live with that? Would I have still joined knowing this is what I was getting myself into? And yet, he couldn't go back in time and make that choice knowing what he did now. Some of the things that had happened since then had only been because of Matt being the L.A. leader. He'd made a difference, but did that justify any of this?
He sighed, staring up at the ceiling. So much had changed. He himself had changed because of the war. But what does that make me now? Am I still who I was, even just a part of me, or am I someone the old me wouldn't recognize? Rian had lost his way in only six months. If he could change that much in so short a time, then how much had Matt changed in a year?
His thoughts broke off their current track at the knock on his door. Sitting up and grabbing the a-shirt that had been his original morphing top he called, "Come in." One would think he would be more comfortable with his own appearance being that he was a faction leader and his members had been known to wake him up on occasion. He may sleep topless, but he still felt like a gawky teen and if he could avoid showing skin he would. I guess that's one part of me that just hasn't had to grow up as fast as the rest of me has.
Aubrey
"Come in."
Aubrey turned the doorknob slowly, leaning against the door. It slid open easily, and she slipped through. Aubrey had no clue if Matt would be mad. That had been her default thought once they had all gotten back from the Haunt to try and sleep. But she remembered the last time that something bad had happened--when she had left the Haunt by herself to go visit her old house. Stevert had almost gotten killed, as well as everyone else. She'd come back, ashamed of being so thoughtless and expecting Matt to yell and scream at her.
Back at home, she had grown used to that sort of reaction. It was how her step-father had dealt with her. So, after the whole ordeal, she had braced for the yelling without even thinking about it. It wasn't until he had started talking that she'd realized he was not like that. It still felt weird. And deep down, she felt like this newest situation had been her fault. She had wanted to save her mom, she hadn't thought out the entire thing. She hadn't looked past her own desires to the fact that they might be prepared for the Animorphs. She'd placed people in danger once again, but this time in a really bad way.
The door closed silently behind her, leaving a dry silence in the room. Her usually cheery demeanor was gone--it was replaced by a hollow smile and slightly slumped shoulders. "I'm sorry for bugging you this early in the morning, Matt." Awkwardly, she hovered near the closed door. Her back was resting against it. "I need.. I need to talk to you. Right." That was pretty obvious by her presence, but she let the words linger in the air for a moment.
Now that she was looking at him, she was remembering the whole birthday party ordeal. Running away from Kovu, crying by herself, feeling terrible. She wondered if he even knew about any of that, if he'd ever guessed. It was too late now, anyways. Aubrey was leaving, he was enamored with Tess. The smile was weaker on her face, but she still managed to keep it there.
"I'm sorry, I'll hurry." She shook her head. As she drew up the courage to say the next words, the smile dropped from her face. "I need to leave Los Angeles. I can't be here anymore." Maybe there was more explanation than that, but Aubrey was finding herself at a loss of words. She knew people transferred factions for various reasons, at various times. It just made her feel worse, letting Matt down like this.
Matt
Matt wasn't sure what to expect when Aubrey came into the room the way she did. And when he finally did find out it fell like a bombshell. It was obvious too that he was surprised and maybe even a little hurt by the idea that she'd leave L.A. A part of him wondered why he should care so much, but things had been all messed up in his head lately. Some very cynical part told him the very words that had been on his mind so much lately. Things change. That's all that's happening here.
He bit his lip, gazing downward and wondering if he had the guts to try and meet her eyes. Wondering what exactly he'd see there if he did. He wasn't even sure he wanted to know the answer to those questions.
Putting on a fake expression of calm he looked up. "Fine. I'll make a few calls and see where you can go." It was said with a bit of an unintentional sigh at the beginning of the words. "It's not like I can stop you. I mean, I can say no, but it's not who I am. If this is what you want, I don't want to be what stands in the way."
What exactly was he doing though? Giving up and giving into the change, yes. But why? It wasn't a question he could answer. He truly didn't want to see her leave and yet didn't want to stand in her way. So the real question should have been, what reason did he have to stop her? He cared, yes, but was this about her or was it about his troubling discovery of the way the war was changing people?
Aubrey
Her shoulders seemed to slump even more at the look in Matt's face, and she felt like there was a knot in her gut and a burning sensation in her throat. When she had thought this up, she had expected that she'd feel nervous about it--nervous, sad, but ready. She hadn't expected that there'd be tears brimming in her eyes, making her vision swim. Aubrey was more than thankful that Matt's gaze had turned down, and she used the opportunity to quickly rub the tears from her eyes.
"I'm sor..." The words got lost somewhere in her throat, and she ended up not saying anything for the moment. Her cheeks were tinged with a light pink as he looked up, teeth biting into the soft flesh of her lip to keep herself under control. It wasn't exactly working, and she had to bite down harder as he sighed and spoke. The way he said what he said made her feel worse, and suddenly she couldn't help it. Hot tears started rolling down her cheeks. It sounded so final. Even as she had decided to do this, it hadn't felt final until the words had come from his mouth. She was leaving Los Angeles. Her life, her family, her faction.
"I'm s-so-sorry, Matt."
It was about all she could choke out. Suddenly it felt like there was this giant pressure, building against her back, pressing into her spine, weighing over her shoulders; Matt, her mother, the Yeerks, the Sub-Visser, the studio, Sophie, the fighting, the blood, the killing. All of it hit her, and she felt her knees weakening. Leaning further against the doorway, she cupped a hand against her mouth and closed her eyes, letting the tears stream freely down her face.
Matt
He hadn't even realized how obvious his disappointment was until Aubrey reacted to it. When she did, when she started crying, Matt stood up and walked over to where she stood in the doorway. His reaction was something purely on instinct, and he might have been a little more careful if he knew she'd liked him. He might have worried more about how she'd react, but for now it was just a friend in need.
He hugged her, speaking as he did. "Shhhhh. It's okay Aubrey. I didn't mean to seem so disappointed, I just got a rude wake up call at the leader meeting and I haven't wrapped my head around it yet. It was kind of bad timing is all." He sighed, knowing that everything he said was true and hoping that this wouldn't blow up in his face. "If you really want to go, then it's not my place to stop you. I care about you, I care about all my faction members, and I want you to be happy. If that means leaving L.A., then so be it. I'll miss you, but I'll know you're okay."
He released her and stepped back so he could look into her face. "They were starting up a faction in Dallas, Texas. I'll need to call Rian and see if Ray, the Vegas member who is becoming the leader, has left yet or not. If so he could use a few experience members and I'm sure he'd appreciate you joining him down there."
Aubrey
Aubrey hadn't expected the hug exactly. Her eyes opened in surprise as she felt his arms, her heart leaping into her throat. Tears were still streaking down her face, trailing over the curves of her cheeks. As he spoke she leaned into the hug, letting herself just enjoy the feeling for the moment. Usually, when things got hard to deal with, Aubrey would wander off by herself and go surfing. For some reason, it hadn't been working. But the crying seemed to help--it was a big release of emotion. Along with the hug.
Once Matt let her go, Aubrey's crying had died down to some hard sniffling, tears still finding their way down her face. Wiping her face with the palms of her hand, eyes red, she met Matt's gaze. "I just. I feel like I'm letting you down by doing this. And.." she bit her lip. "I'm leaving because I can't deal with all of this anymore.. I can't deal with my mom being a controller. With some alien in her brain.. forcing her to do things. And being unable to do anything about it. And--" Abandoning her, because I'm too afraid of confronting the fact that nothing will be normal, ever again. My family will never be back like it used to be.
Aubrey was becoming visibly nervous, and she was trying to hide it by running her fingers through her hair. "--and Sophie. I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't face anybody, after what happened in the studio.." Leaning her head back against the doorway, she closed her eyes. There was a long pause. Texas felt so very far away. She had never liked Texas, even though she'd never been there. People talked about it, and it never seemed like a place she'd want to go. What choice did she have now, though? It was not like she was on vacation and could pick and choose which places to go.
Opening her eyes, she looked to Matt again. Her voice was quieter when she spoke. "Alright, then. Dallas..." She trailed off, looking like she was going to say something very important. I like you. I like you. It was so easy to think, but harder than anything to say it out loud. "Matt. I..." Again, her voice went quiet. Her eyes were still red, but her cheeks were dry. "I'm here, if you need to talk. About whatever. I didn't realize you'd had such a bad trip to the faction leader meeting."
Matt
Matt shook his head. "Aubrey, you're not letting me down. If anything you're making things better. If you stayed you'd be letting yourself down by not trusting that you know, in your heart, that you're doing the right thing. If everything here is too much to handle, then it's time that you moved on. I don't think any of us fight in our hometown for long anyways. It just gets too hard."
He, of course, hadn't had a lot of choice in leaving Chicago. Lex had died, a new leader had been needed, and he'd been the one chosen. I could have turned it down, but I had felt like this war was bigger than my own feelings. If I was needed somewhere else, then I'd go. I still want to be back in Chicago sometimes, but what is there for me there? Sara is in Washington DC and Joel and my parents are controllers in all probability.
He shook his head to get rid of the thoughts. "The point is that you need to do what's right for you. If you really want to know, that's all I want you to do. I want what's best for my faction and it's members, and if what's best for you is leaving then you're not letting me down. You're giving me the assurance that you'll be happy and you'll be okay."
She told him he could talk to her about the meeting..... but he didn't know what to say. A part of him hadn't even wanted her to know he'd had a bad trip, but he didn't have much choice. "It's just something that was said, something that puts an even larger perspective on this war. I'll be fine and you'll be better off if I don't tell you." He made it sound like this whole thing was because of the Crayak issue, but it wasn't. If he had to tell Aubrey he could. It wouldn't change things. Not for him anyways.
Aubrey
Aubrey's expression was open, listening intently to Matt's words. Her shoulders, bunched up and tensed from earlier, relaxed slightly. "...You're right, I s'pose." She took a slow breath, running her fingers through her hair. For a moment she mulled what he said over, then looked back up to him. Her voice was much quieter. "I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore. Everything has just gotten, you know, crazy." Mind-controlling slugs, morphing humans. It seemed like forever since Matt had found her, and she had listened to him explain what was happening to their world. "I hate it. I hate feeling like each little thing I do could get people I care about killed or hurt. Infested." The last word felt dry in her mouth.
After he finished speaking a small smile fluttered on her lips. The heavy look in her eyes seemed to lighten. "I'll do my best to be happy where I go. I always do." She understood that there were probably some things he wouldn't want to tell her, as a faction leader. She just wanted him to know that she was there if he needed.
Bouncing forward, Aubrey gave Matt a quick hug. "Thanks, Matt. For understanding and everything." There was part of her that still wanted to stay here--To try to save her mom. To still be around Matt, even as hopeless as that was. Her smile chipped away a little. She couldn't. "I've packed everything already. I'm ready to go once you call and everything." After this she paused shyly, looking at him. Then she moved close and stood on her tip-toes, placing a small kiss against his cheek. When she pulled away, her face was turning a rosy shade of red. "I'm going to miss.. everyone here."
Matt
"Yeah, I know," Matt said. "I've felt that way since I was recruited. This whole thing is a lot to take in, and we're hit with all of it at once. We don't have any time to try and take it all in and grasp it before we're morphing and fighting for our lives. Along with that, we're forced to kill, to live in hiding, and to work and live with people we've only known for a short time."
He shook his head as he realized how negative that made this all sound. "It's a heavy price we pay, and yet we've been offered a chance tons of people would want, because we're free and able to fight back to keep our freedom. If we don't fight, then there's no guarantee anyone will. Besides, things are easier when you're somewhere where you don't know the people you're fighting. A part of me will always want to go back to Chicago, but another part knows I'm better off away from my home."
She gave him another hug, thanked him, and planted a kiss on his cheek. The final action caused him to blush a little. Even after everything that had happened on his birthday, a part of him still felt like a gawky teenager. Meanwhile he was an adult by age and older than that mentally in some respects. "I'll miss you too Aubrey, but as much as we want to save those we love in this war, things are better when we're away from them. Because all the time we're plotting to save them, it will be like with your mom where their yeerk is plotting to kill us. I know how it feels. I still have a younger brother in Chicago, and no matter how much I want to save and protect Joel from this..... I can't go back to Chicago. There are some things I'd never be able to face there."
He gave him a weak smile. "You'll always have a place here to come back to, but only if you feel like it's the right thing to do."
Aubrey
Aubrey nodded to Matt's words. Back when she had joined, back when Matt had found her alone in some abandoned Mom and Pop shop, she had asked to fight. Before that she had spent the past few months running away with Sophie, running through cities and stealing food from stores. It had been only the two of them relying on each other, until Sophie had become separated and Aubrey had headed back to Los Angeles to hopefully find her. Back then, it had seemed exciting for her. She had wanted to fight, she had wanted to help people and feel like she was doing something other than running. And then, she hadn't understood why people in Union would only want to live their life and not fight like them. It was more obvious now; they wanted to live some semblance of a life with the people they loved.
The heat in her face was fading from the kiss, a light smile spreading on her lips. She understood how Matt felt about not being able to face things in Chicago. "I wish you guys some luck here. Do some good damage to the Yeerks." The smile widened a little at Matt's last statement. "Thanks so much, I'll remember that. This place is always going to feel like home. Maybe at some point I'll come back, see how everything's going here." Save my mom. Aubrey paused, looking like she wasn't sure what to do with herself. Whether to turn and leave or say something more. In the end, she decided to leave. Waving her hand, she turned and opened the door. Then, turning her head a little, she looked to him. "Good luck with Tess, mate. You guys are good together."
She left Matt's room and headed for the kitchen. Sitting on the table was her rucksack, and everything she owned in the world now. Her eyes flicked to the window, where she could see the ocean waves washing ashore, and her surfboard floating further off. Maybe one last time.
((For the timeline, this happens directly after "Look No Further" and "Racing the Clock"))
A watery sun was rising just above the horizon, casting brilliant blue and orange rays of light across the waves. Aubrey was sitting atop her surfboard, legs dangling in the cold sea below and palms splayed against the slick surface of the board. The ocean swelled beneath her, waves rising and falling steadily. A light salty breeze ruffled her hair, and she squinted against the sun.
It was the early morning, the next day, directly after the Animorphs had escaped the studio. Maybe she should be sleeping. She couldn't. There was too much going through her mind, and she didn't want to be near the Haunt right now. It meant having to face Sophie. That was the last thing she wanted to do right now--come to terms with the fact that her best friend was a snake. Trapped forever, an animal, barely human anymore. Part of her hated Sophie, for having the guts to stay in morph, for knowing what to do when the situation came down to it. Would everyone look down on Aubrey for being weak? She didn't know. But had it been right? She wasn't a monkey, was she? At least she could still fight.
So, instead of sleeping, Aubrey had taken out her surfboard and had been sitting out on the ocean for a few hours. Leaning back, Aubrey turned her head to look back towards the Haunt. It looked dead from here. The windows were dark and empty. Quiet. She didn't know where the others were, if somebody was out patrolling or if people were sleeping inside. Cupping her hands, she drew some salt water and splashed it across her face. The salt bit into her flesh, and she rubbed the palms of her hands against her face.
An hour or so ago she had come across her decision. She wanted to leave Los Angeles. It was just a matter of actually speaking to Matt about it now. The decision hadn't been easy. It meant abandoning her mother, it meant leaving the only place that was close enough to Australia to make her feel at home. But she couldn't stand to be here anymore. Not with Sophie here, not with what happened.
Was it fate or something? Did some manifestation of fate have it in for her? It was like something didn't want her to rescue her mom, or piece back together her family. Maybe whatever it was didn't want her to have a family. Her dad was gone. There had been no reason why. And now, now that everything had gone to hell, she didn't even know if her father was alive. Her brother was probably dead, he had been in the military right before the invasion had exploded into the open. And now her mother was gone, lost somewhere in Los Angeles. If the Sub-Visser had even kept her in the city. Her mom had been lost anyways, with a Yeerk in her head. Right?
This was the right decision, she wanted to trust herself. If she couldn't trust herself, if she couldn't even put away her own insecurities and listen to what her instincts told her, she'd end up like Sophie. She'd listen to somebody like that and end up the same way. It didn't matter that Sophie had filled that hole in Aubrey's life, the one that had been torn by her father's absence. It didn't matter. Sophie didn't know what she was doing anymore than Aubrey did.
Lying with her belly flat against the surfboard, Aubrey paddled back towards the Haunt. Once she reached the shore she rolled off her board, sand scratching her knees, and stood up. She stooped to pick up the surfboard, then paused. A wave slid beneath the board, rolling over her feet and tickling her ankles. Sighing, she detached the Velcro leash, then turned and headed towards the Haunt. Before getting too far, she turned back and stared. A wave washed over the abandoned board, creamy foam lingering on its surface. Reluctantly, she turned away.
Her hammock was waiting on the porch, empty except for her beloved blanket. Underneath it was her rucksack, containing the few items she owned--some old clothes, trinkets, pictures. She reached forward and pulled the sack up, setting it in the hammock. After rummaging through it and making sure everything was still there, she slung it over her shoulder and headed into the Haunt.
She was hoping that nobody was awake. She had only one person she wanted to talk to, and luckily his room was closest to the kitchen and living room. That way she wouldn't have to walk down the hallway. Aubrey placed the rucksack on the kitchen table, then headed towards the hallway.
Stopping at Matt's door, Aubrey paused. This was a dumb time to start feeling nervous, but she was getting that butterfly-feeling in her gut again. Stretching her arms, she let out a slow breath. She had no clue if Matt was in there or not, but it was a good place to start. Biting her lip, she rose her fist and knocked lightly.
Matt
Matt was already awake when Aubrey knocked, lying in his bed wishing he could sleep. All night he hadn't been able to stop thinking about how he'd almost lost two members. Even with the fact that Sophie and Aubrey had been brought back to the Haunt, Sophie would never morph again. She was stuck in her snake form, a nothlit. It felt so wrong to Matt, that someone would never be able to return to their normal self again. To know what it was like to be human, and yet be stuck in a shape that wasn't. Even with Robert, who shared Steve's body through being a yeerk, would never have his own human body again.
Nothing in this war is fair, and somehow we're just supposed to live with that? Would I have still joined knowing this is what I was getting myself into? And yet, he couldn't go back in time and make that choice knowing what he did now. Some of the things that had happened since then had only been because of Matt being the L.A. leader. He'd made a difference, but did that justify any of this?
He sighed, staring up at the ceiling. So much had changed. He himself had changed because of the war. But what does that make me now? Am I still who I was, even just a part of me, or am I someone the old me wouldn't recognize? Rian had lost his way in only six months. If he could change that much in so short a time, then how much had Matt changed in a year?
His thoughts broke off their current track at the knock on his door. Sitting up and grabbing the a-shirt that had been his original morphing top he called, "Come in." One would think he would be more comfortable with his own appearance being that he was a faction leader and his members had been known to wake him up on occasion. He may sleep topless, but he still felt like a gawky teen and if he could avoid showing skin he would. I guess that's one part of me that just hasn't had to grow up as fast as the rest of me has.
Aubrey
"Come in."
Aubrey turned the doorknob slowly, leaning against the door. It slid open easily, and she slipped through. Aubrey had no clue if Matt would be mad. That had been her default thought once they had all gotten back from the Haunt to try and sleep. But she remembered the last time that something bad had happened--when she had left the Haunt by herself to go visit her old house. Stevert had almost gotten killed, as well as everyone else. She'd come back, ashamed of being so thoughtless and expecting Matt to yell and scream at her.
Back at home, she had grown used to that sort of reaction. It was how her step-father had dealt with her. So, after the whole ordeal, she had braced for the yelling without even thinking about it. It wasn't until he had started talking that she'd realized he was not like that. It still felt weird. And deep down, she felt like this newest situation had been her fault. She had wanted to save her mom, she hadn't thought out the entire thing. She hadn't looked past her own desires to the fact that they might be prepared for the Animorphs. She'd placed people in danger once again, but this time in a really bad way.
The door closed silently behind her, leaving a dry silence in the room. Her usually cheery demeanor was gone--it was replaced by a hollow smile and slightly slumped shoulders. "I'm sorry for bugging you this early in the morning, Matt." Awkwardly, she hovered near the closed door. Her back was resting against it. "I need.. I need to talk to you. Right." That was pretty obvious by her presence, but she let the words linger in the air for a moment.
Now that she was looking at him, she was remembering the whole birthday party ordeal. Running away from Kovu, crying by herself, feeling terrible. She wondered if he even knew about any of that, if he'd ever guessed. It was too late now, anyways. Aubrey was leaving, he was enamored with Tess. The smile was weaker on her face, but she still managed to keep it there.
"I'm sorry, I'll hurry." She shook her head. As she drew up the courage to say the next words, the smile dropped from her face. "I need to leave Los Angeles. I can't be here anymore." Maybe there was more explanation than that, but Aubrey was finding herself at a loss of words. She knew people transferred factions for various reasons, at various times. It just made her feel worse, letting Matt down like this.
Matt
Matt wasn't sure what to expect when Aubrey came into the room the way she did. And when he finally did find out it fell like a bombshell. It was obvious too that he was surprised and maybe even a little hurt by the idea that she'd leave L.A. A part of him wondered why he should care so much, but things had been all messed up in his head lately. Some very cynical part told him the very words that had been on his mind so much lately. Things change. That's all that's happening here.
He bit his lip, gazing downward and wondering if he had the guts to try and meet her eyes. Wondering what exactly he'd see there if he did. He wasn't even sure he wanted to know the answer to those questions.
Putting on a fake expression of calm he looked up. "Fine. I'll make a few calls and see where you can go." It was said with a bit of an unintentional sigh at the beginning of the words. "It's not like I can stop you. I mean, I can say no, but it's not who I am. If this is what you want, I don't want to be what stands in the way."
What exactly was he doing though? Giving up and giving into the change, yes. But why? It wasn't a question he could answer. He truly didn't want to see her leave and yet didn't want to stand in her way. So the real question should have been, what reason did he have to stop her? He cared, yes, but was this about her or was it about his troubling discovery of the way the war was changing people?
Aubrey
Her shoulders seemed to slump even more at the look in Matt's face, and she felt like there was a knot in her gut and a burning sensation in her throat. When she had thought this up, she had expected that she'd feel nervous about it--nervous, sad, but ready. She hadn't expected that there'd be tears brimming in her eyes, making her vision swim. Aubrey was more than thankful that Matt's gaze had turned down, and she used the opportunity to quickly rub the tears from her eyes.
"I'm sor..." The words got lost somewhere in her throat, and she ended up not saying anything for the moment. Her cheeks were tinged with a light pink as he looked up, teeth biting into the soft flesh of her lip to keep herself under control. It wasn't exactly working, and she had to bite down harder as he sighed and spoke. The way he said what he said made her feel worse, and suddenly she couldn't help it. Hot tears started rolling down her cheeks. It sounded so final. Even as she had decided to do this, it hadn't felt final until the words had come from his mouth. She was leaving Los Angeles. Her life, her family, her faction.
"I'm s-so-sorry, Matt."
It was about all she could choke out. Suddenly it felt like there was this giant pressure, building against her back, pressing into her spine, weighing over her shoulders; Matt, her mother, the Yeerks, the Sub-Visser, the studio, Sophie, the fighting, the blood, the killing. All of it hit her, and she felt her knees weakening. Leaning further against the doorway, she cupped a hand against her mouth and closed her eyes, letting the tears stream freely down her face.
Matt
He hadn't even realized how obvious his disappointment was until Aubrey reacted to it. When she did, when she started crying, Matt stood up and walked over to where she stood in the doorway. His reaction was something purely on instinct, and he might have been a little more careful if he knew she'd liked him. He might have worried more about how she'd react, but for now it was just a friend in need.
He hugged her, speaking as he did. "Shhhhh. It's okay Aubrey. I didn't mean to seem so disappointed, I just got a rude wake up call at the leader meeting and I haven't wrapped my head around it yet. It was kind of bad timing is all." He sighed, knowing that everything he said was true and hoping that this wouldn't blow up in his face. "If you really want to go, then it's not my place to stop you. I care about you, I care about all my faction members, and I want you to be happy. If that means leaving L.A., then so be it. I'll miss you, but I'll know you're okay."
He released her and stepped back so he could look into her face. "They were starting up a faction in Dallas, Texas. I'll need to call Rian and see if Ray, the Vegas member who is becoming the leader, has left yet or not. If so he could use a few experience members and I'm sure he'd appreciate you joining him down there."
Aubrey
Aubrey hadn't expected the hug exactly. Her eyes opened in surprise as she felt his arms, her heart leaping into her throat. Tears were still streaking down her face, trailing over the curves of her cheeks. As he spoke she leaned into the hug, letting herself just enjoy the feeling for the moment. Usually, when things got hard to deal with, Aubrey would wander off by herself and go surfing. For some reason, it hadn't been working. But the crying seemed to help--it was a big release of emotion. Along with the hug.
Once Matt let her go, Aubrey's crying had died down to some hard sniffling, tears still finding their way down her face. Wiping her face with the palms of her hand, eyes red, she met Matt's gaze. "I just. I feel like I'm letting you down by doing this. And.." she bit her lip. "I'm leaving because I can't deal with all of this anymore.. I can't deal with my mom being a controller. With some alien in her brain.. forcing her to do things. And being unable to do anything about it. And--" Abandoning her, because I'm too afraid of confronting the fact that nothing will be normal, ever again. My family will never be back like it used to be.
Aubrey was becoming visibly nervous, and she was trying to hide it by running her fingers through her hair. "--and Sophie. I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't face anybody, after what happened in the studio.." Leaning her head back against the doorway, she closed her eyes. There was a long pause. Texas felt so very far away. She had never liked Texas, even though she'd never been there. People talked about it, and it never seemed like a place she'd want to go. What choice did she have now, though? It was not like she was on vacation and could pick and choose which places to go.
Opening her eyes, she looked to Matt again. Her voice was quieter when she spoke. "Alright, then. Dallas..." She trailed off, looking like she was going to say something very important. I like you. I like you. It was so easy to think, but harder than anything to say it out loud. "Matt. I..." Again, her voice went quiet. Her eyes were still red, but her cheeks were dry. "I'm here, if you need to talk. About whatever. I didn't realize you'd had such a bad trip to the faction leader meeting."
Matt
Matt shook his head. "Aubrey, you're not letting me down. If anything you're making things better. If you stayed you'd be letting yourself down by not trusting that you know, in your heart, that you're doing the right thing. If everything here is too much to handle, then it's time that you moved on. I don't think any of us fight in our hometown for long anyways. It just gets too hard."
He, of course, hadn't had a lot of choice in leaving Chicago. Lex had died, a new leader had been needed, and he'd been the one chosen. I could have turned it down, but I had felt like this war was bigger than my own feelings. If I was needed somewhere else, then I'd go. I still want to be back in Chicago sometimes, but what is there for me there? Sara is in Washington DC and Joel and my parents are controllers in all probability.
He shook his head to get rid of the thoughts. "The point is that you need to do what's right for you. If you really want to know, that's all I want you to do. I want what's best for my faction and it's members, and if what's best for you is leaving then you're not letting me down. You're giving me the assurance that you'll be happy and you'll be okay."
She told him he could talk to her about the meeting..... but he didn't know what to say. A part of him hadn't even wanted her to know he'd had a bad trip, but he didn't have much choice. "It's just something that was said, something that puts an even larger perspective on this war. I'll be fine and you'll be better off if I don't tell you." He made it sound like this whole thing was because of the Crayak issue, but it wasn't. If he had to tell Aubrey he could. It wouldn't change things. Not for him anyways.
Aubrey
Aubrey's expression was open, listening intently to Matt's words. Her shoulders, bunched up and tensed from earlier, relaxed slightly. "...You're right, I s'pose." She took a slow breath, running her fingers through her hair. For a moment she mulled what he said over, then looked back up to him. Her voice was much quieter. "I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore. Everything has just gotten, you know, crazy." Mind-controlling slugs, morphing humans. It seemed like forever since Matt had found her, and she had listened to him explain what was happening to their world. "I hate it. I hate feeling like each little thing I do could get people I care about killed or hurt. Infested." The last word felt dry in her mouth.
After he finished speaking a small smile fluttered on her lips. The heavy look in her eyes seemed to lighten. "I'll do my best to be happy where I go. I always do." She understood that there were probably some things he wouldn't want to tell her, as a faction leader. She just wanted him to know that she was there if he needed.
Bouncing forward, Aubrey gave Matt a quick hug. "Thanks, Matt. For understanding and everything." There was part of her that still wanted to stay here--To try to save her mom. To still be around Matt, even as hopeless as that was. Her smile chipped away a little. She couldn't. "I've packed everything already. I'm ready to go once you call and everything." After this she paused shyly, looking at him. Then she moved close and stood on her tip-toes, placing a small kiss against his cheek. When she pulled away, her face was turning a rosy shade of red. "I'm going to miss.. everyone here."
Matt
"Yeah, I know," Matt said. "I've felt that way since I was recruited. This whole thing is a lot to take in, and we're hit with all of it at once. We don't have any time to try and take it all in and grasp it before we're morphing and fighting for our lives. Along with that, we're forced to kill, to live in hiding, and to work and live with people we've only known for a short time."
He shook his head as he realized how negative that made this all sound. "It's a heavy price we pay, and yet we've been offered a chance tons of people would want, because we're free and able to fight back to keep our freedom. If we don't fight, then there's no guarantee anyone will. Besides, things are easier when you're somewhere where you don't know the people you're fighting. A part of me will always want to go back to Chicago, but another part knows I'm better off away from my home."
She gave him another hug, thanked him, and planted a kiss on his cheek. The final action caused him to blush a little. Even after everything that had happened on his birthday, a part of him still felt like a gawky teenager. Meanwhile he was an adult by age and older than that mentally in some respects. "I'll miss you too Aubrey, but as much as we want to save those we love in this war, things are better when we're away from them. Because all the time we're plotting to save them, it will be like with your mom where their yeerk is plotting to kill us. I know how it feels. I still have a younger brother in Chicago, and no matter how much I want to save and protect Joel from this..... I can't go back to Chicago. There are some things I'd never be able to face there."
He gave him a weak smile. "You'll always have a place here to come back to, but only if you feel like it's the right thing to do."
Aubrey
Aubrey nodded to Matt's words. Back when she had joined, back when Matt had found her alone in some abandoned Mom and Pop shop, she had asked to fight. Before that she had spent the past few months running away with Sophie, running through cities and stealing food from stores. It had been only the two of them relying on each other, until Sophie had become separated and Aubrey had headed back to Los Angeles to hopefully find her. Back then, it had seemed exciting for her. She had wanted to fight, she had wanted to help people and feel like she was doing something other than running. And then, she hadn't understood why people in Union would only want to live their life and not fight like them. It was more obvious now; they wanted to live some semblance of a life with the people they loved.
The heat in her face was fading from the kiss, a light smile spreading on her lips. She understood how Matt felt about not being able to face things in Chicago. "I wish you guys some luck here. Do some good damage to the Yeerks." The smile widened a little at Matt's last statement. "Thanks so much, I'll remember that. This place is always going to feel like home. Maybe at some point I'll come back, see how everything's going here." Save my mom. Aubrey paused, looking like she wasn't sure what to do with herself. Whether to turn and leave or say something more. In the end, she decided to leave. Waving her hand, she turned and opened the door. Then, turning her head a little, she looked to him. "Good luck with Tess, mate. You guys are good together."
She left Matt's room and headed for the kitchen. Sitting on the table was her rucksack, and everything she owned in the world now. Her eyes flicked to the window, where she could see the ocean waves washing ashore, and her surfboard floating further off. Maybe one last time.
